You know just how hard is it to get a man to open up to you… and here’s something else you need to know; you are not alone.
In fact… most men have so many barriers to open communication built up in their heads, there is a very good chance that your man has never opened up to a woman before.
Seriously. These barriers can be difficult to “crack”… especially for women who don’t know how…
Because of this, many men will go their entire lives without ever feeling like they have met someone who really understands them.
Remember: We men want to share our feelings, and have someone we can open up to...
And when we meet a woman who doesn’t know how to make us feel comfortable doing so… we get just as frustrated as you do… we just show it in a different way…
That said… it’s vitally important that you understand this one simple thing:
A man wants to communicate with you… but he needs your help!
If you can be the one woman a guy has been involved with who actually can connect with him on a deep, intimate level… it can be a very powerful and unique experience for a man…
I’m talking about something he has never experienced before.And when you are the one woman with whom he can have this amazing experience… a very powerful thing begins to happen inside of him…
Your man will see you not only as his lover and partner… but as his soul mate... the one woman on earth who has helped him release all of those feelings and frustrations he’s “bottled up” inside of him over all of those years… and the one woman he can truly connect with.
And fortunately… making a man feel comfortable and open to sharing his feelings with you can actually be easy… when you know the right way to overcome the barriers to communication that are built up in his mind…
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
How To Make Him Fall In Love With You
Dear Reader,
If you want to make a man fall in love with you... Or you want to get that "spark" back in your relationship, check this out-There is one thing that is likely holding you back from the relationship of your dreams: you. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain.What if you, your thoughts and your actions were the biggest obstacle to letting love into your life?
And what if the most certain and fool-proof way to make sure you attract the right man and create the right relationship didn't have anything to do with spending your time trying to figure out what’s going on with him... But instead had everything to do with what was going on inside of you?
When it comes to love and relationships, if you haven't laid the groundwork for yourself first, odds are you're not going to experience any kind of lasting love and happiness- no matter how "perfect" your man is, or how hard you try to make your relationship work.In fact, the harder you try, the farther love and a fun and "flowing" relationship will move away from you. Why is this? The short answer is that love is not a destination.
Love is not something that you'll one day "get right" and arrive at and enjoy forever. You can't force love to come together and take place- especially with a man. Love is a process. And so are relationships.
And because of this, love requires that if you want the best possible relationship... then you have to engage in love from the best possible place within yourself, everyday.What you give really is what you get, like it or not.
This is part of the secret of creating and sharing an amazing level of love and affection in your life with a man- You have to bring your very best self to everything you do with a man, and in your relationship.
And that includes not just what you say and do around a man... but the feelings and emotions you go on inside you that are what drives what you say and do with a man.
Your relationship with a man is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, and the feelings and emotions you carry inside.What are you carrying inside that you can't or don't want to talk about or share?How is this really at the heart of what's holding you back and getting in your way.
The strangest part is, what seems like the thing that will hurt the most (confronting the things we don't want to think about)... is the very thing that will set us free and open us up to something bigger and better.
If you're carrying fear and pain from your past, then you'll create distance between you and a man... and you'll unknowingly push him away with your worries and anxiety.
But...If you show up everyday with an open, loving, and compassionate heart... and you radiate the things that are part of your "best self"... a man won't be able to keep himself from being drawn to you- and you'll attract him effortlessly from the inside out.
And when you can do this, you'll be amazed at how quickly even the most difficult and impossible seeming situations suddenly turn into moments of learning, growth, and deeper connection.
"Disagreements" turn into opportunities where you and a man learn more about how you both really feel and start understanding each other better.
"Fights" turn into ways that you both break out of your old patterns and grow incredible new connections.
"Uncertainty" turns into the very essence of the excitement that keeps you both coming back to each other to learn and discover more... and move to deeper levels of love and appreciation.
But you can't even begin to get there and turn these things around in your relationship if you haven’t put yourself in the right "state" first.
You have to put yourself in the right place in your heart and mind before a man is going to experience the kind of love and attraction he needs to feel with you for your relationship to grow close and last.
This amazing program will help you overcome the personal challenges that are keeping you from experiencing true love and intimacy. And it will help you do it right away.
You'll learn how to let go of the painful stories that still cause you heartache and pain, even in new relationships. You'll learn how to break the self-destructive habits that are making it impossible for you to create an open, loving relationship with a man.
You'll learn how to rid your life of the insecurity, worry, and hesitation that often drives men away but you don't feel like you can do anything about.
Let me help you discover a way to regain your own feminine "power" and shift your mindset from looking for the right guy to being the right woman who is ready to welcome love into her life and a man can't resist.
Because if you wait around for a man to be the one to help you get your heart, your mind, and your love life together... you might be waiting a while.
So, take the time to be in the right place for yourself first... and the right man and the right relationship will follow. I know it.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love, I want to know how I can improve my materials even more and help you live the life filled with love and joy you deserve.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of "Top 10"questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
If you want to make a man fall in love with you... Or you want to get that "spark" back in your relationship, check this out-There is one thing that is likely holding you back from the relationship of your dreams: you. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain.What if you, your thoughts and your actions were the biggest obstacle to letting love into your life?
And what if the most certain and fool-proof way to make sure you attract the right man and create the right relationship didn't have anything to do with spending your time trying to figure out what’s going on with him... But instead had everything to do with what was going on inside of you?
When it comes to love and relationships, if you haven't laid the groundwork for yourself first, odds are you're not going to experience any kind of lasting love and happiness- no matter how "perfect" your man is, or how hard you try to make your relationship work.In fact, the harder you try, the farther love and a fun and "flowing" relationship will move away from you. Why is this? The short answer is that love is not a destination.
Love is not something that you'll one day "get right" and arrive at and enjoy forever. You can't force love to come together and take place- especially with a man. Love is a process. And so are relationships.
And because of this, love requires that if you want the best possible relationship... then you have to engage in love from the best possible place within yourself, everyday.What you give really is what you get, like it or not.
This is part of the secret of creating and sharing an amazing level of love and affection in your life with a man- You have to bring your very best self to everything you do with a man, and in your relationship.
And that includes not just what you say and do around a man... but the feelings and emotions you go on inside you that are what drives what you say and do with a man.
Your relationship with a man is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, and the feelings and emotions you carry inside.What are you carrying inside that you can't or don't want to talk about or share?How is this really at the heart of what's holding you back and getting in your way.
The strangest part is, what seems like the thing that will hurt the most (confronting the things we don't want to think about)... is the very thing that will set us free and open us up to something bigger and better.
If you're carrying fear and pain from your past, then you'll create distance between you and a man... and you'll unknowingly push him away with your worries and anxiety.
But...If you show up everyday with an open, loving, and compassionate heart... and you radiate the things that are part of your "best self"... a man won't be able to keep himself from being drawn to you- and you'll attract him effortlessly from the inside out.
And when you can do this, you'll be amazed at how quickly even the most difficult and impossible seeming situations suddenly turn into moments of learning, growth, and deeper connection.
"Disagreements" turn into opportunities where you and a man learn more about how you both really feel and start understanding each other better.
"Fights" turn into ways that you both break out of your old patterns and grow incredible new connections.
"Uncertainty" turns into the very essence of the excitement that keeps you both coming back to each other to learn and discover more... and move to deeper levels of love and appreciation.
But you can't even begin to get there and turn these things around in your relationship if you haven’t put yourself in the right "state" first.
You have to put yourself in the right place in your heart and mind before a man is going to experience the kind of love and attraction he needs to feel with you for your relationship to grow close and last.
This amazing program will help you overcome the personal challenges that are keeping you from experiencing true love and intimacy. And it will help you do it right away.
You'll learn how to let go of the painful stories that still cause you heartache and pain, even in new relationships. You'll learn how to break the self-destructive habits that are making it impossible for you to create an open, loving relationship with a man.
You'll learn how to rid your life of the insecurity, worry, and hesitation that often drives men away but you don't feel like you can do anything about.
Let me help you discover a way to regain your own feminine "power" and shift your mindset from looking for the right guy to being the right woman who is ready to welcome love into her life and a man can't resist.
Because if you wait around for a man to be the one to help you get your heart, your mind, and your love life together... you might be waiting a while.
So, take the time to be in the right place for yourself first... and the right man and the right relationship will follow. I know it.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love, I want to know how I can improve my materials even more and help you live the life filled with love and joy you deserve.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of "Top 10"questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Why Men Sleep With Women Then Pull Away The Next Day?
Hi,
This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently read an article from my blog.I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.
She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?
And what to do about it?Keep reading...Question From A Reader Hi Dukentaxer,
I've just read your blog post..I'm from South Africa and I appreciated your blog so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwords, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?I feel so disappointed about my actions.Dukentaxer, please help me...Best regards,RZ from South Africa
My Response:I want to give you a big hug... and then a good slap.Ok, listen closely.I'm about to share something with you that I want you to never, ever forget.It's the reality about how most men work when dating.Ready?
A man will never see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.And guess what?You're dating a man.So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.
Got it?Ok, good.Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.
You're not entirely innocent.Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?
Giving away your “self” to a man.I've got an important question for you...Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?
The answer...You did. Cut it out. And I'll bet I know why you did it.I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.
You're seeking his approval in the worst kind of way.You're waiting and wanting him to show you that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.
That way you can surrender to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he feels with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
It's time.It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY more important.
What you really want. I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.So, sorry for asking but...What the hell are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what not to do, to learning what to do.
Love, sex and the mind of the “masculine man.You need a lesson on who a man really is.There are fascinating biological reasons for why men act the way they do. But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.The masculine energy is very different.The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.
Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way. It's “conventional wisdom”.But most people don't really know why men act this way.Here's my favorite way of explaining it...Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place. The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.Bizarre and fascinating...Ok, back to Earth.How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love
But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.Whoa... Heavy stuff.Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.He will think you're crazy - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.
This is for you to know and to work with.So back to you.... Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.Yeah, I know. Men are crazy and messed up and different.But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they learn and become aware.
Or...If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation;let's tie it all together.Here's the thing...
A man will never see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and approval.Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.The real problem now is something entirely different.Sleeping or being physical with a man is not a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.Anyways...So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.
What you need to know is there;and read, re-read and put it to use this time!.But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.They want someone that they want.
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man feel this way.So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.
There's a drive in men that makes them want to be challenged... and to overcome that challenge. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.
Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.Men deal with this in one of two ways:
A).They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term
B).They find connection and love by physically and emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way.Here's the amazing part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.Interesting.The point is, men love the chase.Some men might tell you that they don't.They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.They love it in their feelings and emotions.It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks his approval or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to win her over and to be with her, then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional control to him.
Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man. It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION:Men want to feel attraction.And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.
They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to feel their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man feel attraction for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.I talk about the very best ways to create great experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with intense desire and attraction.And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Have time to go through my blog and In it there are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share. He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of Top questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently read an article from my blog.I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.
She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?
And what to do about it?Keep reading...Question From A Reader Hi Dukentaxer,
I've just read your blog post..I'm from South Africa and I appreciated your blog so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwords, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?I feel so disappointed about my actions.Dukentaxer, please help me...Best regards,RZ from South Africa
My Response:I want to give you a big hug... and then a good slap.Ok, listen closely.I'm about to share something with you that I want you to never, ever forget.It's the reality about how most men work when dating.Ready?
A man will never see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.And guess what?You're dating a man.So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.
Got it?Ok, good.Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.
You're not entirely innocent.Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?
Giving away your “self” to a man.I've got an important question for you...Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?
The answer...You did. Cut it out. And I'll bet I know why you did it.I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.
You're seeking his approval in the worst kind of way.You're waiting and wanting him to show you that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.
That way you can surrender to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he feels with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
It's time.It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY more important.
What you really want. I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.So, sorry for asking but...What the hell are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what not to do, to learning what to do.
Love, sex and the mind of the “masculine man.You need a lesson on who a man really is.There are fascinating biological reasons for why men act the way they do. But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.The masculine energy is very different.The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.
Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way. It's “conventional wisdom”.But most people don't really know why men act this way.Here's my favorite way of explaining it...Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place. The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.Bizarre and fascinating...Ok, back to Earth.How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love
But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.Whoa... Heavy stuff.Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.He will think you're crazy - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.
This is for you to know and to work with.So back to you.... Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.Yeah, I know. Men are crazy and messed up and different.But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they learn and become aware.
Or...If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation;let's tie it all together.Here's the thing...
A man will never see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and approval.Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.The real problem now is something entirely different.Sleeping or being physical with a man is not a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.Anyways...So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.
What you need to know is there;and read, re-read and put it to use this time!.But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.They want someone that they want.
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man feel this way.So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.
There's a drive in men that makes them want to be challenged... and to overcome that challenge. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.
Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.Men deal with this in one of two ways:
A).They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term
B).They find connection and love by physically and emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way.Here's the amazing part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.Interesting.The point is, men love the chase.Some men might tell you that they don't.They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.They love it in their feelings and emotions.It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks his approval or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to win her over and to be with her, then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional control to him.
Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man. It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION:Men want to feel attraction.And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.
They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to feel their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man feel attraction for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.I talk about the very best ways to create great experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with intense desire and attraction.And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Have time to go through my blog and In it there are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share. He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of Top questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
How To Find The Love You Want Faster
Hi
My first guest in this article is an amazing woman who has not only been a personal friend of mine for years, but is someone I also admire in the way she lives her life.
She’s taught me a ton about relationships and how to be happy myself, and how to translate that into a deep connection and attraction with a partner.What she’s taught me has been priceless over the years in my own life.
She’s also helped thousands of other men and women become more successful in their personal lives through her personal coaching. Having written books, spoken at seminars around the country and taught for years, she’s one of the only experts I’ve ever found on the subject of becoming what she calls “Effortlessly Attractive”.
In other words, doing more of the things that come easy, naturally and don’t take work in your life, but that bring huge results in your personal relationships and your love life, just by changing a few simple habits.
Here are a few examples of exactly what you’ll get from her portion of the program:
You're in a relationship, but there's something nagging inside that's telling you that things either have to change, or you’ll have to move on. My friend discusses exactly what to do about this to avoid feeling like your life is passing you by and create the change you need
How to find a new level of honesty and confidence for yourself with a man that will let you “live your truth” - in a way that a man will accept and understand
How to find the guy who actually fits you, and not the other way around. Listen in as my friend shares her real life story about how things magically shifted for her once she did this one thing with in her life with men.
How to actually create and experience the commonly spoken about, but rarely practiced, ability of being present in the moment and learn how to effortlessly get a man to as well. This simple and powerful step can transform the quality of your love life immediately .
The secret a woman must know to align the priorities in her life, including what she wants in her love life, which will naturally focus her energy and “effortlessly” align a man with her.
Why so many women feel like they'll “arrive” when they find that right situation or person in their life, how this becomes counterproductive to getting close to the man they’re with, and the simple steps to take that will change everything about how close he wants to be to you.
The “thinking problem” lots of women have that draws their awareness into creating negative and destructive situations with men and relationships… and how to identify these thoughts and get rid of them, for good.
A secret to communication and listening that will change a man's entire perception of you as a woman and a long term partner.
The biggest thing that got in my friend’s way personally with men, and how it kept her from ever connecting with the right guy for her .Once she changed this one thing, great men literally started to present themselves to her everywhere she went.
Thanks.
My first guest in this article is an amazing woman who has not only been a personal friend of mine for years, but is someone I also admire in the way she lives her life.
She’s taught me a ton about relationships and how to be happy myself, and how to translate that into a deep connection and attraction with a partner.What she’s taught me has been priceless over the years in my own life.
She’s also helped thousands of other men and women become more successful in their personal lives through her personal coaching. Having written books, spoken at seminars around the country and taught for years, she’s one of the only experts I’ve ever found on the subject of becoming what she calls “Effortlessly Attractive”.
In other words, doing more of the things that come easy, naturally and don’t take work in your life, but that bring huge results in your personal relationships and your love life, just by changing a few simple habits.
Here are a few examples of exactly what you’ll get from her portion of the program:
You're in a relationship, but there's something nagging inside that's telling you that things either have to change, or you’ll have to move on. My friend discusses exactly what to do about this to avoid feeling like your life is passing you by and create the change you need
How to find a new level of honesty and confidence for yourself with a man that will let you “live your truth” - in a way that a man will accept and understand
How to find the guy who actually fits you, and not the other way around. Listen in as my friend shares her real life story about how things magically shifted for her once she did this one thing with in her life with men.
How to actually create and experience the commonly spoken about, but rarely practiced, ability of being present in the moment and learn how to effortlessly get a man to as well. This simple and powerful step can transform the quality of your love life immediately .
The secret a woman must know to align the priorities in her life, including what she wants in her love life, which will naturally focus her energy and “effortlessly” align a man with her.
Why so many women feel like they'll “arrive” when they find that right situation or person in their life, how this becomes counterproductive to getting close to the man they’re with, and the simple steps to take that will change everything about how close he wants to be to you.
The “thinking problem” lots of women have that draws their awareness into creating negative and destructive situations with men and relationships… and how to identify these thoughts and get rid of them, for good.
A secret to communication and listening that will change a man's entire perception of you as a woman and a long term partner.
The biggest thing that got in my friend’s way personally with men, and how it kept her from ever connecting with the right guy for her .Once she changed this one thing, great men literally started to present themselves to her everywhere she went.
Thanks.
Know What To Expect In Common Situations And The Best Ways Of Handling Them
Hi,
I can still remember when I first started working with women around dating and relationships… one of the things I noticed first was that most women talked about the same few things men did that caused problems in their relationships.
Looking deeper, most of these women also had these same things come up several times in previous relationships with different men.
Once I realized this, two things hit me like a brick. First, most women had the same problems and situations with different men. Somehow, the same things that had limited or destroyed their previous situations kept coming back with the different guys they would date.
I had to find out more about this and why it was happening this way for so many women.
Secondly, most women just plain didn't know what to expect in each situation with a man. They were caught off guard, frustrated, upset or shocked by both the things they had seen and dealt with before with other men and by other new, but also common, situations.
Lots of women get freaked out because they don't understand what's going on with several unfortunately common, immature, and predictable relationship behaviors men have. Hint - lots of these behaviors are actually harmless displays of male resistance and withdrawal to deep connection and true intimacy, but they're only harmless IF a woman knows what these are and isn't freaked out by them.
It’s very important that you learn what to expect including the types of responses you're most likely to get in various situations, what's most likely to happen, the intentional and unintentional ways that a man will test you and more.
You'll stay more comfortable, more assured, more confident, less stressed, happier, more positive the list goes on, and so do the benefits to you and your relationship.
The Secrets Of Natural And Lasting Attraction.In the last few years I’ve come to realize that many women have confusion around what makes a man actually feel attraction… and how that intrinsically leads to a lasting long term situation…
The truth is that most women have a “false belief” about what makes a man want to be with her, and how he feels attracted to her.
When I realized this, it was a huge “Aha!” for me… and I was determined to figure out the specific things a woman could do to create and experience more attraction and Love in her life… regardless of the problems a man might have.
And now… after several years of research and conversations with men, women, dating experts, scientists, and everything else in between… I’m pleased to say I’ve finally figured it out.
And now I want to share my discoveries with you. If you’re ready to take control of your love life and open yourself up to a world of passion and romance that can only be found in a deep, loving, connected relationship with a man. I have some very exciting news for you.
Thanks
I can still remember when I first started working with women around dating and relationships… one of the things I noticed first was that most women talked about the same few things men did that caused problems in their relationships.
Looking deeper, most of these women also had these same things come up several times in previous relationships with different men.
Once I realized this, two things hit me like a brick. First, most women had the same problems and situations with different men. Somehow, the same things that had limited or destroyed their previous situations kept coming back with the different guys they would date.
I had to find out more about this and why it was happening this way for so many women.
Secondly, most women just plain didn't know what to expect in each situation with a man. They were caught off guard, frustrated, upset or shocked by both the things they had seen and dealt with before with other men and by other new, but also common, situations.
Lots of women get freaked out because they don't understand what's going on with several unfortunately common, immature, and predictable relationship behaviors men have. Hint - lots of these behaviors are actually harmless displays of male resistance and withdrawal to deep connection and true intimacy, but they're only harmless IF a woman knows what these are and isn't freaked out by them.
It’s very important that you learn what to expect including the types of responses you're most likely to get in various situations, what's most likely to happen, the intentional and unintentional ways that a man will test you and more.
You'll stay more comfortable, more assured, more confident, less stressed, happier, more positive the list goes on, and so do the benefits to you and your relationship.
The Secrets Of Natural And Lasting Attraction.In the last few years I’ve come to realize that many women have confusion around what makes a man actually feel attraction… and how that intrinsically leads to a lasting long term situation…
The truth is that most women have a “false belief” about what makes a man want to be with her, and how he feels attracted to her.
When I realized this, it was a huge “Aha!” for me… and I was determined to figure out the specific things a woman could do to create and experience more attraction and Love in her life… regardless of the problems a man might have.
And now… after several years of research and conversations with men, women, dating experts, scientists, and everything else in between… I’m pleased to say I’ve finally figured it out.
And now I want to share my discoveries with you. If you’re ready to take control of your love life and open yourself up to a world of passion and romance that can only be found in a deep, loving, connected relationship with a man. I have some very exciting news for you.
Thanks
How To Come Across To A Man As Unique
Hi,
Once you realize that men often date constantly, know lots of different women, and have had several past relationships that didn't go well for them either, you begin to realize that they must start to see patterns in the way women behave around them… just like the patterns you recognize with men.
Here's a great question for you.What do you think the most common pattern is that men see in women?
If you haven't already guessed it, it's the pattern of a woman trying to convince a man to make more of the relationship and change or feel something that they can't “control.”
Lots of women do this and don't even know it. But here's the worst part how men respond. When women take on “convincing” or pleading behaviors, there's a common, frustrating, and destructive male response - withdrawal.
Let me paint a brief picture for you of the pattern men see and fear in this situation In the guy's mind, the withdrawal scenario usually goes something like…
Whoa! When did this turn from fun into a ton of work? Things have been great, but now it feels “different” because she's unsatisfied and pushing on me to define our relationship. And I haven't even decided what I want exactly, or what the heck it is that I'm feeling here.
And now that the easy chemistry and attraction we used to have has changed- I guess “the magic” is gone. I guess I'll just skip all the trouble that I know from past experiences is about to come up and pull away.”
Well, guess what? Trying to convince a man to act a certain way or feel something with you is the best approach to use if you love spending all your nights alone cuddled up watching Oprah reruns in your tv.
But seriously If you recognize anything about these situations, then you know from experience that the more a man pulls away, the more you feel like you need to talk to him and show him what he's doing wrong that's driving you both apart.
And hey, I get it. Men can sure be clueless idiots that actually do need help to notice the dumb things they're doing.
But unfortunately, here's where most women learn the wrong lesson about men. Because a man won't easily open up and stay connected, a woman will actually start trying to do all the communication and work for him. Sometimes women start to fill in the blanks and play connect the dots with all the past situations and conversations so that they can figure out exactly what's going on and why he's being totally unresponsive and withdrawn so they can fix it.
This hopeless strategy works for a few days or weeks, but only serves to make both the man and the woman more frustrated in the long run.
There's a right way to go about it, and lots of wrong ways that will get you nowhere.
It's time to stop sending the signals and displaying behaviors that almost instantly bring up negative and predictable patterns men see and fear in women.
And yes, men could stand to grow up and deal with their own fears. But you can also help them and yourself out by learning the easily avoided male triggers and “buttons” that activate fears and issues most men have around women, love, and relationships.
It’s vital that you avoid these common “danger buttons” and to connect with a man in a way that naturally leads him to seek intimacy and sharing with you, instead of the isolation and withdrawal that other women have unknowingly encouraged in him.
Thanks.
Once you realize that men often date constantly, know lots of different women, and have had several past relationships that didn't go well for them either, you begin to realize that they must start to see patterns in the way women behave around them… just like the patterns you recognize with men.
Here's a great question for you.What do you think the most common pattern is that men see in women?
If you haven't already guessed it, it's the pattern of a woman trying to convince a man to make more of the relationship and change or feel something that they can't “control.”
Lots of women do this and don't even know it. But here's the worst part how men respond. When women take on “convincing” or pleading behaviors, there's a common, frustrating, and destructive male response - withdrawal.
Let me paint a brief picture for you of the pattern men see and fear in this situation In the guy's mind, the withdrawal scenario usually goes something like…
Whoa! When did this turn from fun into a ton of work? Things have been great, but now it feels “different” because she's unsatisfied and pushing on me to define our relationship. And I haven't even decided what I want exactly, or what the heck it is that I'm feeling here.
And now that the easy chemistry and attraction we used to have has changed- I guess “the magic” is gone. I guess I'll just skip all the trouble that I know from past experiences is about to come up and pull away.”
Well, guess what? Trying to convince a man to act a certain way or feel something with you is the best approach to use if you love spending all your nights alone cuddled up watching Oprah reruns in your tv.
But seriously If you recognize anything about these situations, then you know from experience that the more a man pulls away, the more you feel like you need to talk to him and show him what he's doing wrong that's driving you both apart.
And hey, I get it. Men can sure be clueless idiots that actually do need help to notice the dumb things they're doing.
But unfortunately, here's where most women learn the wrong lesson about men. Because a man won't easily open up and stay connected, a woman will actually start trying to do all the communication and work for him. Sometimes women start to fill in the blanks and play connect the dots with all the past situations and conversations so that they can figure out exactly what's going on and why he's being totally unresponsive and withdrawn so they can fix it.
This hopeless strategy works for a few days or weeks, but only serves to make both the man and the woman more frustrated in the long run.
There's a right way to go about it, and lots of wrong ways that will get you nowhere.
It's time to stop sending the signals and displaying behaviors that almost instantly bring up negative and predictable patterns men see and fear in women.
And yes, men could stand to grow up and deal with their own fears. But you can also help them and yourself out by learning the easily avoided male triggers and “buttons” that activate fears and issues most men have around women, love, and relationships.
It’s vital that you avoid these common “danger buttons” and to connect with a man in a way that naturally leads him to seek intimacy and sharing with you, instead of the isolation and withdrawal that other women have unknowingly encouraged in him.
Thanks.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Understanding How ToHow To Read And Respond To A Man's Emotional World
This one area of misunderstanding is the source of so many easily avoided problems and challenges that ruin budding relationships for smart, loving women with men that it frustrates me to see it happen… because it's so easy to fix once you “get it”.
As you probably already know, men can be dangerous, or just plain stupid, when it comes to dealing with their feelings and emotions.
Here's a quick story along these lines that I've got to share with you. Several months ago I was invited to speak at a conference to around 200 men about dating and relationships. I thought it would be fascinating for all of us if we talked about how a man and a woman can emotionally “connect” in a more direct way and bypass a lot of wasted time in dating, arguments, rejection, hurt feelings, mini break-ups, etc.
I knew that if men could have more awareness around this, and use the tools I had for them in my presentation to better connect with women, then they'd be a whole lot better off. (And so would the women they were dating!)
As you might expect, I saw more than a few blank stares in the audience during this topic. It's not often you have a room full of men talking about how to better “emotionally connect” to a woman. Well, we were, and here's where it got even more fascinating.
When I got to the end of my presentation, I decided to take some one-on-one questions from the guys in the audience. The first two were great questions from a couple of guys that I could tell got a lot out of the conversation.
But then this third guy stood up. He looked like your average, nice, thoughtful, polite guy and had a soft and calculated voice. He quietly stood up, took the microphone and asked, Excuse me but um… what's a connection?
Wow! I was floored by the question… Not because I couldn't answer it, but because of what it meant about him… and about other men who were thinking the same.
At that moment, I couldn't believe that a human being could actually not know what an emotional connection with another human being was. That still messes with my brain. Ok, maybe he actually was an alien… lol. But here's the point.
After thinking about it, I remembered that this guy who asked the question about a connection was really just another man, and not even much of an unusual one. And right then, as I thought about this, I had an amazing realization.
All the thinking, research, writing and explaining that I've done in the past on how men are different when it comes to communication and relationships seemed to actually sell the idea short now that I had heard the truth “from the horse's mouth”. The way men understand or don't understand) emotions, feelings, relationships and connection was even more extreme than I had thought (and I already thought the differences were pretty extreme.
Of course, after this happened, scrambled for my journal, my notebook and my laptop to write down what started pouring out of me… I began digging even deeper into studies, research, interviews, observations, and experiences from my life so that I could explain exactly what this meant and what was really going on here inside the minds of most men.
That's when a lot of my most recent material on emotional connection and what creates lasting and long term attraction in relationships with men was created.
Lately, I like to ask women, Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really and truly picture and imagine what it must be like to be an attractive and 'masculine' man?
Of course, the answer is always, No. Men might act emotionally strong, indifferent, and even cold, but most men are surprisingly fragile emotionally. The thing is… it's just not part of their more “masculine” make up to display or talk about these things much of the time and to avoid the opportunity they bring for connection and intimacy.
Instead, they often express their emotions in more symbolic and indirect ways… when it comes to dating and relationships, most women commonly misinterpret or react negatively to a man's “natural” emotional displays.
Think about this. Attractive men who are smart, handsome, and successful are flirted with and approached all the time.
These men have options.And some of the more “needy” and desperate women who try for their attention have no idea whatsoever what it takes to get an attractive man's attention and keep it.
And even if these women do date a guy for a while and things “seem” good, if a woman doesn't understand how things work for him, and how his feelings are triggered without all the neediness, emotional pleading, sexual enticements, etc., then there's no way the man's going stay attracted and interested for the long term.
It isn't fair, and it can just suck, but if a woman doesn't understand how to create attraction, how a man's emotions open up and close off, and why… then a man just won't feel it for her as time passes - even if the connection used to be there.
Understanding this mindset… how it affects a man's personality… and (this is key) what kinds of games men play to diplomatically and politely excuse themselves or withdraw from any future commitment is highly important.
I know how frustrating it can be with what seems like so many “games” going on and so much to think about just for the simple feeling and sharing of love.
And isn't true love supposed to just “happen” and be free of all this?
Well… the thing is, once you start to understand more about a man's emotional world and how to help him tune into yours, it won't seem or feel like work to you at all.
You'll be able to get back into that “flow” where love IS shared and expressed easily… and you will both start to naturally understand and fulfill each other.
Instead of letting typical male “games” get to you, I'm going to teach you how to understand them so you can keep them from happening, and show you how to make them work for you if they do.
If there's one thing that attractive men seem to respond to universally, it's A woman who gets what's going on emotionally for herself and for him.
That’s when a man will share his love with you. Being a woman who already “gets” what an emotional connection is, you're way ahead of the game with a man.
Now you've got to learn exactly how to put that advantage to use in your love life for good.
It’s time to learn to see things in a completely different way… which will lead to you becoming almost magnetically attractive to men for more than just a fling. Really. Your emotions and your ability and power to connect are your own set of pre-wired tools. All you need to do is start using them the right way.
Thanks
As you probably already know, men can be dangerous, or just plain stupid, when it comes to dealing with their feelings and emotions.
Here's a quick story along these lines that I've got to share with you. Several months ago I was invited to speak at a conference to around 200 men about dating and relationships. I thought it would be fascinating for all of us if we talked about how a man and a woman can emotionally “connect” in a more direct way and bypass a lot of wasted time in dating, arguments, rejection, hurt feelings, mini break-ups, etc.
I knew that if men could have more awareness around this, and use the tools I had for them in my presentation to better connect with women, then they'd be a whole lot better off. (And so would the women they were dating!)
As you might expect, I saw more than a few blank stares in the audience during this topic. It's not often you have a room full of men talking about how to better “emotionally connect” to a woman. Well, we were, and here's where it got even more fascinating.
When I got to the end of my presentation, I decided to take some one-on-one questions from the guys in the audience. The first two were great questions from a couple of guys that I could tell got a lot out of the conversation.
But then this third guy stood up. He looked like your average, nice, thoughtful, polite guy and had a soft and calculated voice. He quietly stood up, took the microphone and asked, Excuse me but um… what's a connection?
Wow! I was floored by the question… Not because I couldn't answer it, but because of what it meant about him… and about other men who were thinking the same.
At that moment, I couldn't believe that a human being could actually not know what an emotional connection with another human being was. That still messes with my brain. Ok, maybe he actually was an alien… lol. But here's the point.
After thinking about it, I remembered that this guy who asked the question about a connection was really just another man, and not even much of an unusual one. And right then, as I thought about this, I had an amazing realization.
All the thinking, research, writing and explaining that I've done in the past on how men are different when it comes to communication and relationships seemed to actually sell the idea short now that I had heard the truth “from the horse's mouth”. The way men understand or don't understand) emotions, feelings, relationships and connection was even more extreme than I had thought (and I already thought the differences were pretty extreme.
Of course, after this happened, scrambled for my journal, my notebook and my laptop to write down what started pouring out of me… I began digging even deeper into studies, research, interviews, observations, and experiences from my life so that I could explain exactly what this meant and what was really going on here inside the minds of most men.
That's when a lot of my most recent material on emotional connection and what creates lasting and long term attraction in relationships with men was created.
Lately, I like to ask women, Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really and truly picture and imagine what it must be like to be an attractive and 'masculine' man?
Of course, the answer is always, No. Men might act emotionally strong, indifferent, and even cold, but most men are surprisingly fragile emotionally. The thing is… it's just not part of their more “masculine” make up to display or talk about these things much of the time and to avoid the opportunity they bring for connection and intimacy.
Instead, they often express their emotions in more symbolic and indirect ways… when it comes to dating and relationships, most women commonly misinterpret or react negatively to a man's “natural” emotional displays.
Think about this. Attractive men who are smart, handsome, and successful are flirted with and approached all the time.
These men have options.And some of the more “needy” and desperate women who try for their attention have no idea whatsoever what it takes to get an attractive man's attention and keep it.
And even if these women do date a guy for a while and things “seem” good, if a woman doesn't understand how things work for him, and how his feelings are triggered without all the neediness, emotional pleading, sexual enticements, etc., then there's no way the man's going stay attracted and interested for the long term.
It isn't fair, and it can just suck, but if a woman doesn't understand how to create attraction, how a man's emotions open up and close off, and why… then a man just won't feel it for her as time passes - even if the connection used to be there.
Understanding this mindset… how it affects a man's personality… and (this is key) what kinds of games men play to diplomatically and politely excuse themselves or withdraw from any future commitment is highly important.
I know how frustrating it can be with what seems like so many “games” going on and so much to think about just for the simple feeling and sharing of love.
And isn't true love supposed to just “happen” and be free of all this?
Well… the thing is, once you start to understand more about a man's emotional world and how to help him tune into yours, it won't seem or feel like work to you at all.
You'll be able to get back into that “flow” where love IS shared and expressed easily… and you will both start to naturally understand and fulfill each other.
Instead of letting typical male “games” get to you, I'm going to teach you how to understand them so you can keep them from happening, and show you how to make them work for you if they do.
If there's one thing that attractive men seem to respond to universally, it's A woman who gets what's going on emotionally for herself and for him.
That’s when a man will share his love with you. Being a woman who already “gets” what an emotional connection is, you're way ahead of the game with a man.
Now you've got to learn exactly how to put that advantage to use in your love life for good.
It’s time to learn to see things in a completely different way… which will lead to you becoming almost magnetically attractive to men for more than just a fling. Really. Your emotions and your ability and power to connect are your own set of pre-wired tools. All you need to do is start using them the right way.
Thanks
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