Hi,
This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently read an article from my blog.I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.
She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?
And what to do about it?Keep reading...Question From A Reader Hi Dukentaxer,
I've just read your blog post..I'm from South Africa and I appreciated your blog so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwords, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?I feel so disappointed about my actions.Dukentaxer, please help me...Best regards,RZ from South Africa
My Response:I want to give you a big hug... and then a good slap.Ok, listen closely.I'm about to share something with you that I want you to never, ever forget.It's the reality about how most men work when dating.Ready?
A man will never see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.And guess what?You're dating a man.So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.
Got it?Ok, good.Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.
You're not entirely innocent.Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?
Giving away your “self” to a man.I've got an important question for you...Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?
The answer...You did. Cut it out. And I'll bet I know why you did it.I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.
You're seeking his approval in the worst kind of way.You're waiting and wanting him to show you that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.
That way you can surrender to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he feels with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
It's time.It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY more important.
What you really want. I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.So, sorry for asking but...What the hell are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what not to do, to learning what to do.
Love, sex and the mind of the “masculine man.You need a lesson on who a man really is.There are fascinating biological reasons for why men act the way they do. But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.The masculine energy is very different.The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.
Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way. It's “conventional wisdom”.But most people don't really know why men act this way.Here's my favorite way of explaining it...Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place. The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.Bizarre and fascinating...Ok, back to Earth.How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love
But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.Whoa... Heavy stuff.Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.He will think you're crazy - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.
This is for you to know and to work with.So back to you.... Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.Yeah, I know. Men are crazy and messed up and different.But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they learn and become aware.
Or...If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation;let's tie it all together.Here's the thing...
A man will never see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and approval.Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.The real problem now is something entirely different.Sleeping or being physical with a man is not a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.Anyways...So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.
What you need to know is there;and read, re-read and put it to use this time!.But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.They want someone that they want.
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man feel this way.So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.
There's a drive in men that makes them want to be challenged... and to overcome that challenge. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.
Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.Men deal with this in one of two ways:
A).They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term
B).They find connection and love by physically and emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way.Here's the amazing part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.Interesting.The point is, men love the chase.Some men might tell you that they don't.They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.They love it in their feelings and emotions.It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks his approval or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to win her over and to be with her, then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional control to him.
Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man. It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION:Men want to feel attraction.And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.
They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to feel their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man feel attraction for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.I talk about the very best ways to create great experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with intense desire and attraction.And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Have time to go through my blog and In it there are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share. He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of Top questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Friday, February 20, 2009
How To Find The Love You Want Faster
Hi
My first guest in this article is an amazing woman who has not only been a personal friend of mine for years, but is someone I also admire in the way she lives her life.
She’s taught me a ton about relationships and how to be happy myself, and how to translate that into a deep connection and attraction with a partner.What she’s taught me has been priceless over the years in my own life.
She’s also helped thousands of other men and women become more successful in their personal lives through her personal coaching. Having written books, spoken at seminars around the country and taught for years, she’s one of the only experts I’ve ever found on the subject of becoming what she calls “Effortlessly Attractive”.
In other words, doing more of the things that come easy, naturally and don’t take work in your life, but that bring huge results in your personal relationships and your love life, just by changing a few simple habits.
Here are a few examples of exactly what you’ll get from her portion of the program:
You're in a relationship, but there's something nagging inside that's telling you that things either have to change, or you’ll have to move on. My friend discusses exactly what to do about this to avoid feeling like your life is passing you by and create the change you need
How to find a new level of honesty and confidence for yourself with a man that will let you “live your truth” - in a way that a man will accept and understand
How to find the guy who actually fits you, and not the other way around. Listen in as my friend shares her real life story about how things magically shifted for her once she did this one thing with in her life with men.
How to actually create and experience the commonly spoken about, but rarely practiced, ability of being present in the moment and learn how to effortlessly get a man to as well. This simple and powerful step can transform the quality of your love life immediately .
The secret a woman must know to align the priorities in her life, including what she wants in her love life, which will naturally focus her energy and “effortlessly” align a man with her.
Why so many women feel like they'll “arrive” when they find that right situation or person in their life, how this becomes counterproductive to getting close to the man they’re with, and the simple steps to take that will change everything about how close he wants to be to you.
The “thinking problem” lots of women have that draws their awareness into creating negative and destructive situations with men and relationships… and how to identify these thoughts and get rid of them, for good.
A secret to communication and listening that will change a man's entire perception of you as a woman and a long term partner.
The biggest thing that got in my friend’s way personally with men, and how it kept her from ever connecting with the right guy for her .Once she changed this one thing, great men literally started to present themselves to her everywhere she went.
Thanks.
My first guest in this article is an amazing woman who has not only been a personal friend of mine for years, but is someone I also admire in the way she lives her life.
She’s taught me a ton about relationships and how to be happy myself, and how to translate that into a deep connection and attraction with a partner.What she’s taught me has been priceless over the years in my own life.
She’s also helped thousands of other men and women become more successful in their personal lives through her personal coaching. Having written books, spoken at seminars around the country and taught for years, she’s one of the only experts I’ve ever found on the subject of becoming what she calls “Effortlessly Attractive”.
In other words, doing more of the things that come easy, naturally and don’t take work in your life, but that bring huge results in your personal relationships and your love life, just by changing a few simple habits.
Here are a few examples of exactly what you’ll get from her portion of the program:
You're in a relationship, but there's something nagging inside that's telling you that things either have to change, or you’ll have to move on. My friend discusses exactly what to do about this to avoid feeling like your life is passing you by and create the change you need
How to find a new level of honesty and confidence for yourself with a man that will let you “live your truth” - in a way that a man will accept and understand
How to find the guy who actually fits you, and not the other way around. Listen in as my friend shares her real life story about how things magically shifted for her once she did this one thing with in her life with men.
How to actually create and experience the commonly spoken about, but rarely practiced, ability of being present in the moment and learn how to effortlessly get a man to as well. This simple and powerful step can transform the quality of your love life immediately .
The secret a woman must know to align the priorities in her life, including what she wants in her love life, which will naturally focus her energy and “effortlessly” align a man with her.
Why so many women feel like they'll “arrive” when they find that right situation or person in their life, how this becomes counterproductive to getting close to the man they’re with, and the simple steps to take that will change everything about how close he wants to be to you.
The “thinking problem” lots of women have that draws their awareness into creating negative and destructive situations with men and relationships… and how to identify these thoughts and get rid of them, for good.
A secret to communication and listening that will change a man's entire perception of you as a woman and a long term partner.
The biggest thing that got in my friend’s way personally with men, and how it kept her from ever connecting with the right guy for her .Once she changed this one thing, great men literally started to present themselves to her everywhere she went.
Thanks.
Know What To Expect In Common Situations And The Best Ways Of Handling Them
Hi,
I can still remember when I first started working with women around dating and relationships… one of the things I noticed first was that most women talked about the same few things men did that caused problems in their relationships.
Looking deeper, most of these women also had these same things come up several times in previous relationships with different men.
Once I realized this, two things hit me like a brick. First, most women had the same problems and situations with different men. Somehow, the same things that had limited or destroyed their previous situations kept coming back with the different guys they would date.
I had to find out more about this and why it was happening this way for so many women.
Secondly, most women just plain didn't know what to expect in each situation with a man. They were caught off guard, frustrated, upset or shocked by both the things they had seen and dealt with before with other men and by other new, but also common, situations.
Lots of women get freaked out because they don't understand what's going on with several unfortunately common, immature, and predictable relationship behaviors men have. Hint - lots of these behaviors are actually harmless displays of male resistance and withdrawal to deep connection and true intimacy, but they're only harmless IF a woman knows what these are and isn't freaked out by them.
It’s very important that you learn what to expect including the types of responses you're most likely to get in various situations, what's most likely to happen, the intentional and unintentional ways that a man will test you and more.
You'll stay more comfortable, more assured, more confident, less stressed, happier, more positive the list goes on, and so do the benefits to you and your relationship.
The Secrets Of Natural And Lasting Attraction.In the last few years I’ve come to realize that many women have confusion around what makes a man actually feel attraction… and how that intrinsically leads to a lasting long term situation…
The truth is that most women have a “false belief” about what makes a man want to be with her, and how he feels attracted to her.
When I realized this, it was a huge “Aha!” for me… and I was determined to figure out the specific things a woman could do to create and experience more attraction and Love in her life… regardless of the problems a man might have.
And now… after several years of research and conversations with men, women, dating experts, scientists, and everything else in between… I’m pleased to say I’ve finally figured it out.
And now I want to share my discoveries with you. If you’re ready to take control of your love life and open yourself up to a world of passion and romance that can only be found in a deep, loving, connected relationship with a man. I have some very exciting news for you.
Thanks
I can still remember when I first started working with women around dating and relationships… one of the things I noticed first was that most women talked about the same few things men did that caused problems in their relationships.
Looking deeper, most of these women also had these same things come up several times in previous relationships with different men.
Once I realized this, two things hit me like a brick. First, most women had the same problems and situations with different men. Somehow, the same things that had limited or destroyed their previous situations kept coming back with the different guys they would date.
I had to find out more about this and why it was happening this way for so many women.
Secondly, most women just plain didn't know what to expect in each situation with a man. They were caught off guard, frustrated, upset or shocked by both the things they had seen and dealt with before with other men and by other new, but also common, situations.
Lots of women get freaked out because they don't understand what's going on with several unfortunately common, immature, and predictable relationship behaviors men have. Hint - lots of these behaviors are actually harmless displays of male resistance and withdrawal to deep connection and true intimacy, but they're only harmless IF a woman knows what these are and isn't freaked out by them.
It’s very important that you learn what to expect including the types of responses you're most likely to get in various situations, what's most likely to happen, the intentional and unintentional ways that a man will test you and more.
You'll stay more comfortable, more assured, more confident, less stressed, happier, more positive the list goes on, and so do the benefits to you and your relationship.
The Secrets Of Natural And Lasting Attraction.In the last few years I’ve come to realize that many women have confusion around what makes a man actually feel attraction… and how that intrinsically leads to a lasting long term situation…
The truth is that most women have a “false belief” about what makes a man want to be with her, and how he feels attracted to her.
When I realized this, it was a huge “Aha!” for me… and I was determined to figure out the specific things a woman could do to create and experience more attraction and Love in her life… regardless of the problems a man might have.
And now… after several years of research and conversations with men, women, dating experts, scientists, and everything else in between… I’m pleased to say I’ve finally figured it out.
And now I want to share my discoveries with you. If you’re ready to take control of your love life and open yourself up to a world of passion and romance that can only be found in a deep, loving, connected relationship with a man. I have some very exciting news for you.
Thanks
How To Come Across To A Man As Unique
Hi,
Once you realize that men often date constantly, know lots of different women, and have had several past relationships that didn't go well for them either, you begin to realize that they must start to see patterns in the way women behave around them… just like the patterns you recognize with men.
Here's a great question for you.What do you think the most common pattern is that men see in women?
If you haven't already guessed it, it's the pattern of a woman trying to convince a man to make more of the relationship and change or feel something that they can't “control.”
Lots of women do this and don't even know it. But here's the worst part how men respond. When women take on “convincing” or pleading behaviors, there's a common, frustrating, and destructive male response - withdrawal.
Let me paint a brief picture for you of the pattern men see and fear in this situation In the guy's mind, the withdrawal scenario usually goes something like…
Whoa! When did this turn from fun into a ton of work? Things have been great, but now it feels “different” because she's unsatisfied and pushing on me to define our relationship. And I haven't even decided what I want exactly, or what the heck it is that I'm feeling here.
And now that the easy chemistry and attraction we used to have has changed- I guess “the magic” is gone. I guess I'll just skip all the trouble that I know from past experiences is about to come up and pull away.”
Well, guess what? Trying to convince a man to act a certain way or feel something with you is the best approach to use if you love spending all your nights alone cuddled up watching Oprah reruns in your tv.
But seriously If you recognize anything about these situations, then you know from experience that the more a man pulls away, the more you feel like you need to talk to him and show him what he's doing wrong that's driving you both apart.
And hey, I get it. Men can sure be clueless idiots that actually do need help to notice the dumb things they're doing.
But unfortunately, here's where most women learn the wrong lesson about men. Because a man won't easily open up and stay connected, a woman will actually start trying to do all the communication and work for him. Sometimes women start to fill in the blanks and play connect the dots with all the past situations and conversations so that they can figure out exactly what's going on and why he's being totally unresponsive and withdrawn so they can fix it.
This hopeless strategy works for a few days or weeks, but only serves to make both the man and the woman more frustrated in the long run.
There's a right way to go about it, and lots of wrong ways that will get you nowhere.
It's time to stop sending the signals and displaying behaviors that almost instantly bring up negative and predictable patterns men see and fear in women.
And yes, men could stand to grow up and deal with their own fears. But you can also help them and yourself out by learning the easily avoided male triggers and “buttons” that activate fears and issues most men have around women, love, and relationships.
It’s vital that you avoid these common “danger buttons” and to connect with a man in a way that naturally leads him to seek intimacy and sharing with you, instead of the isolation and withdrawal that other women have unknowingly encouraged in him.
Thanks.
Once you realize that men often date constantly, know lots of different women, and have had several past relationships that didn't go well for them either, you begin to realize that they must start to see patterns in the way women behave around them… just like the patterns you recognize with men.
Here's a great question for you.What do you think the most common pattern is that men see in women?
If you haven't already guessed it, it's the pattern of a woman trying to convince a man to make more of the relationship and change or feel something that they can't “control.”
Lots of women do this and don't even know it. But here's the worst part how men respond. When women take on “convincing” or pleading behaviors, there's a common, frustrating, and destructive male response - withdrawal.
Let me paint a brief picture for you of the pattern men see and fear in this situation In the guy's mind, the withdrawal scenario usually goes something like…
Whoa! When did this turn from fun into a ton of work? Things have been great, but now it feels “different” because she's unsatisfied and pushing on me to define our relationship. And I haven't even decided what I want exactly, or what the heck it is that I'm feeling here.
And now that the easy chemistry and attraction we used to have has changed- I guess “the magic” is gone. I guess I'll just skip all the trouble that I know from past experiences is about to come up and pull away.”
Well, guess what? Trying to convince a man to act a certain way or feel something with you is the best approach to use if you love spending all your nights alone cuddled up watching Oprah reruns in your tv.
But seriously If you recognize anything about these situations, then you know from experience that the more a man pulls away, the more you feel like you need to talk to him and show him what he's doing wrong that's driving you both apart.
And hey, I get it. Men can sure be clueless idiots that actually do need help to notice the dumb things they're doing.
But unfortunately, here's where most women learn the wrong lesson about men. Because a man won't easily open up and stay connected, a woman will actually start trying to do all the communication and work for him. Sometimes women start to fill in the blanks and play connect the dots with all the past situations and conversations so that they can figure out exactly what's going on and why he's being totally unresponsive and withdrawn so they can fix it.
This hopeless strategy works for a few days or weeks, but only serves to make both the man and the woman more frustrated in the long run.
There's a right way to go about it, and lots of wrong ways that will get you nowhere.
It's time to stop sending the signals and displaying behaviors that almost instantly bring up negative and predictable patterns men see and fear in women.
And yes, men could stand to grow up and deal with their own fears. But you can also help them and yourself out by learning the easily avoided male triggers and “buttons” that activate fears and issues most men have around women, love, and relationships.
It’s vital that you avoid these common “danger buttons” and to connect with a man in a way that naturally leads him to seek intimacy and sharing with you, instead of the isolation and withdrawal that other women have unknowingly encouraged in him.
Thanks.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Understanding How ToHow To Read And Respond To A Man's Emotional World
This one area of misunderstanding is the source of so many easily avoided problems and challenges that ruin budding relationships for smart, loving women with men that it frustrates me to see it happen… because it's so easy to fix once you “get it”.
As you probably already know, men can be dangerous, or just plain stupid, when it comes to dealing with their feelings and emotions.
Here's a quick story along these lines that I've got to share with you. Several months ago I was invited to speak at a conference to around 200 men about dating and relationships. I thought it would be fascinating for all of us if we talked about how a man and a woman can emotionally “connect” in a more direct way and bypass a lot of wasted time in dating, arguments, rejection, hurt feelings, mini break-ups, etc.
I knew that if men could have more awareness around this, and use the tools I had for them in my presentation to better connect with women, then they'd be a whole lot better off. (And so would the women they were dating!)
As you might expect, I saw more than a few blank stares in the audience during this topic. It's not often you have a room full of men talking about how to better “emotionally connect” to a woman. Well, we were, and here's where it got even more fascinating.
When I got to the end of my presentation, I decided to take some one-on-one questions from the guys in the audience. The first two were great questions from a couple of guys that I could tell got a lot out of the conversation.
But then this third guy stood up. He looked like your average, nice, thoughtful, polite guy and had a soft and calculated voice. He quietly stood up, took the microphone and asked, Excuse me but um… what's a connection?
Wow! I was floored by the question… Not because I couldn't answer it, but because of what it meant about him… and about other men who were thinking the same.
At that moment, I couldn't believe that a human being could actually not know what an emotional connection with another human being was. That still messes with my brain. Ok, maybe he actually was an alien… lol. But here's the point.
After thinking about it, I remembered that this guy who asked the question about a connection was really just another man, and not even much of an unusual one. And right then, as I thought about this, I had an amazing realization.
All the thinking, research, writing and explaining that I've done in the past on how men are different when it comes to communication and relationships seemed to actually sell the idea short now that I had heard the truth “from the horse's mouth”. The way men understand or don't understand) emotions, feelings, relationships and connection was even more extreme than I had thought (and I already thought the differences were pretty extreme.
Of course, after this happened, scrambled for my journal, my notebook and my laptop to write down what started pouring out of me… I began digging even deeper into studies, research, interviews, observations, and experiences from my life so that I could explain exactly what this meant and what was really going on here inside the minds of most men.
That's when a lot of my most recent material on emotional connection and what creates lasting and long term attraction in relationships with men was created.
Lately, I like to ask women, Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really and truly picture and imagine what it must be like to be an attractive and 'masculine' man?
Of course, the answer is always, No. Men might act emotionally strong, indifferent, and even cold, but most men are surprisingly fragile emotionally. The thing is… it's just not part of their more “masculine” make up to display or talk about these things much of the time and to avoid the opportunity they bring for connection and intimacy.
Instead, they often express their emotions in more symbolic and indirect ways… when it comes to dating and relationships, most women commonly misinterpret or react negatively to a man's “natural” emotional displays.
Think about this. Attractive men who are smart, handsome, and successful are flirted with and approached all the time.
These men have options.And some of the more “needy” and desperate women who try for their attention have no idea whatsoever what it takes to get an attractive man's attention and keep it.
And even if these women do date a guy for a while and things “seem” good, if a woman doesn't understand how things work for him, and how his feelings are triggered without all the neediness, emotional pleading, sexual enticements, etc., then there's no way the man's going stay attracted and interested for the long term.
It isn't fair, and it can just suck, but if a woman doesn't understand how to create attraction, how a man's emotions open up and close off, and why… then a man just won't feel it for her as time passes - even if the connection used to be there.
Understanding this mindset… how it affects a man's personality… and (this is key) what kinds of games men play to diplomatically and politely excuse themselves or withdraw from any future commitment is highly important.
I know how frustrating it can be with what seems like so many “games” going on and so much to think about just for the simple feeling and sharing of love.
And isn't true love supposed to just “happen” and be free of all this?
Well… the thing is, once you start to understand more about a man's emotional world and how to help him tune into yours, it won't seem or feel like work to you at all.
You'll be able to get back into that “flow” where love IS shared and expressed easily… and you will both start to naturally understand and fulfill each other.
Instead of letting typical male “games” get to you, I'm going to teach you how to understand them so you can keep them from happening, and show you how to make them work for you if they do.
If there's one thing that attractive men seem to respond to universally, it's A woman who gets what's going on emotionally for herself and for him.
That’s when a man will share his love with you. Being a woman who already “gets” what an emotional connection is, you're way ahead of the game with a man.
Now you've got to learn exactly how to put that advantage to use in your love life for good.
It’s time to learn to see things in a completely different way… which will lead to you becoming almost magnetically attractive to men for more than just a fling. Really. Your emotions and your ability and power to connect are your own set of pre-wired tools. All you need to do is start using them the right way.
Thanks
As you probably already know, men can be dangerous, or just plain stupid, when it comes to dealing with their feelings and emotions.
Here's a quick story along these lines that I've got to share with you. Several months ago I was invited to speak at a conference to around 200 men about dating and relationships. I thought it would be fascinating for all of us if we talked about how a man and a woman can emotionally “connect” in a more direct way and bypass a lot of wasted time in dating, arguments, rejection, hurt feelings, mini break-ups, etc.
I knew that if men could have more awareness around this, and use the tools I had for them in my presentation to better connect with women, then they'd be a whole lot better off. (And so would the women they were dating!)
As you might expect, I saw more than a few blank stares in the audience during this topic. It's not often you have a room full of men talking about how to better “emotionally connect” to a woman. Well, we were, and here's where it got even more fascinating.
When I got to the end of my presentation, I decided to take some one-on-one questions from the guys in the audience. The first two were great questions from a couple of guys that I could tell got a lot out of the conversation.
But then this third guy stood up. He looked like your average, nice, thoughtful, polite guy and had a soft and calculated voice. He quietly stood up, took the microphone and asked, Excuse me but um… what's a connection?
Wow! I was floored by the question… Not because I couldn't answer it, but because of what it meant about him… and about other men who were thinking the same.
At that moment, I couldn't believe that a human being could actually not know what an emotional connection with another human being was. That still messes with my brain. Ok, maybe he actually was an alien… lol. But here's the point.
After thinking about it, I remembered that this guy who asked the question about a connection was really just another man, and not even much of an unusual one. And right then, as I thought about this, I had an amazing realization.
All the thinking, research, writing and explaining that I've done in the past on how men are different when it comes to communication and relationships seemed to actually sell the idea short now that I had heard the truth “from the horse's mouth”. The way men understand or don't understand) emotions, feelings, relationships and connection was even more extreme than I had thought (and I already thought the differences were pretty extreme.
Of course, after this happened, scrambled for my journal, my notebook and my laptop to write down what started pouring out of me… I began digging even deeper into studies, research, interviews, observations, and experiences from my life so that I could explain exactly what this meant and what was really going on here inside the minds of most men.
That's when a lot of my most recent material on emotional connection and what creates lasting and long term attraction in relationships with men was created.
Lately, I like to ask women, Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really and truly picture and imagine what it must be like to be an attractive and 'masculine' man?
Of course, the answer is always, No. Men might act emotionally strong, indifferent, and even cold, but most men are surprisingly fragile emotionally. The thing is… it's just not part of their more “masculine” make up to display or talk about these things much of the time and to avoid the opportunity they bring for connection and intimacy.
Instead, they often express their emotions in more symbolic and indirect ways… when it comes to dating and relationships, most women commonly misinterpret or react negatively to a man's “natural” emotional displays.
Think about this. Attractive men who are smart, handsome, and successful are flirted with and approached all the time.
These men have options.And some of the more “needy” and desperate women who try for their attention have no idea whatsoever what it takes to get an attractive man's attention and keep it.
And even if these women do date a guy for a while and things “seem” good, if a woman doesn't understand how things work for him, and how his feelings are triggered without all the neediness, emotional pleading, sexual enticements, etc., then there's no way the man's going stay attracted and interested for the long term.
It isn't fair, and it can just suck, but if a woman doesn't understand how to create attraction, how a man's emotions open up and close off, and why… then a man just won't feel it for her as time passes - even if the connection used to be there.
Understanding this mindset… how it affects a man's personality… and (this is key) what kinds of games men play to diplomatically and politely excuse themselves or withdraw from any future commitment is highly important.
I know how frustrating it can be with what seems like so many “games” going on and so much to think about just for the simple feeling and sharing of love.
And isn't true love supposed to just “happen” and be free of all this?
Well… the thing is, once you start to understand more about a man's emotional world and how to help him tune into yours, it won't seem or feel like work to you at all.
You'll be able to get back into that “flow” where love IS shared and expressed easily… and you will both start to naturally understand and fulfill each other.
Instead of letting typical male “games” get to you, I'm going to teach you how to understand them so you can keep them from happening, and show you how to make them work for you if they do.
If there's one thing that attractive men seem to respond to universally, it's A woman who gets what's going on emotionally for herself and for him.
That’s when a man will share his love with you. Being a woman who already “gets” what an emotional connection is, you're way ahead of the game with a man.
Now you've got to learn exactly how to put that advantage to use in your love life for good.
It’s time to learn to see things in a completely different way… which will lead to you becoming almost magnetically attractive to men for more than just a fling. Really. Your emotions and your ability and power to connect are your own set of pre-wired tools. All you need to do is start using them the right way.
Thanks
The Things That Destroy Attraction And Lead A Man To Say “I’m Not Ready For A Relationship And How To Avoid Them
Have you ever met a man where you both connected deeply, things moved fast because it felt so right, but then the unthinkable happened when you finally talked one day… and he said that he actually wasn't that “into” you and a relationship after all… even though his thoughts, behavior and feelings told you an entirely different story about him all along?
They key to avoiding this is to learn both how attraction is created and destroyed.
It's a pain, but once a man decides that you're the “I'm just not ready for a relationship” girl to him (translation: you acted predictable and lack emotional intelligence enough to prove that you're going to be less and less comfortable, fun and easygoing as time goes on) then that's it…
You don't want to create this feeling or idea in a man's head and kill the deeper level attraction he could feel for you.
It’s crucial that you learn how to “keep the ball in the air” and keep the attraction building not just physically, but emotionally which is the trickiest part with a man.
It’s also crucial that you learn how to easily and almost effortlessly keep a man feeling that intense desire and attraction Inside a Relationship… and not just in the early dating stages.
Thanks
They key to avoiding this is to learn both how attraction is created and destroyed.
It's a pain, but once a man decides that you're the “I'm just not ready for a relationship” girl to him (translation: you acted predictable and lack emotional intelligence enough to prove that you're going to be less and less comfortable, fun and easygoing as time goes on) then that's it…
You don't want to create this feeling or idea in a man's head and kill the deeper level attraction he could feel for you.
It’s crucial that you learn how to “keep the ball in the air” and keep the attraction building not just physically, but emotionally which is the trickiest part with a man.
It’s also crucial that you learn how to easily and almost effortlessly keep a man feeling that intense desire and attraction Inside a Relationship… and not just in the early dating stages.
Thanks
How To Give A Man That Forever Feeling So He Knows Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt That You Are The Perfect Woman For Him
After years of research, and talking to hundreds of both men and women about what is important to them in a loving, connected relationship I've found that there are 5 things a woman must understand in order to make a man feel those special feelings for her.
Simply put, a woman who understands these 5 things never has problems with men becoming distant or pulling away… her main problem is usually men wanting to get too serious, too fast!
On the other hand, failure to understand these things will hurt your chances of finding, attracting, and staying connected with a man over the long-term… no matter how infatuated he may be with you in the “honeymoon stage Here they are:
How attraction works for men and how to create the feeling of attraction inside a man in a way that awakens more than just his physical senses and short term interest
The main thing you must understand to guarantee the man you want to be with feels the same way about you is attraction. More specifically how attraction works for men.
Sadly, most women will never figure this out and end up sabotaging their chances of experiencing a loving relationship with the man they want… without ever realizing what they did wrong. Have you ever thought about what attraction really is?
The fact is that most of us have never considered the nature of attraction and how it works.
Think about it for a minute. What is “attraction” anyway? And what does it have to do with love? Or lust?
This motivated me to spend the last few years studying, researching, and observing to build a clear map and picture of how attraction works in both the short and long term so that I could share my understanding and help others.
Of course simply knowing what attraction is isn't enough. What’s really important, if you want things to grow and last with a man, is knowing how to create it.
If you want to take a man from “Hello…” to a first date, to meeting you again, to talking and sharing deeper things about each other, to attraction, to more “lasting attraction”, to intimacy… and all the way to “I have to tell you that I love you”… then you're going to have to get the hang of turning up the level of attraction a man is feeling for you and knowing how and when to dial it up and down…
Men respond to anticipation, tension, and other ingredients of attraction. And if used correctly, they will amplify each other leading to a very strong, deep level of attraction.
If you want men to feel that gut level attraction inside that's more than the “she's cute or hot enough to date for a little while” that some guys feel, then you're going to need to evolve for yourself a new understanding of how communication works.
And get this: A woman who learns to create this kind of attraction and make a man feel these feelings will not only have a closer, more open and “connected” man, but she'll also have a better long-term partner… a partner who will often figure out and deal with some of the “natural” challenges that come up in relationships for her.
In other words, you won't have to be the one doing all the work anymore to keep the relationship alive. The relationship won't just die or fall apart if you stop compensating for him. You won't have all that “weight” that comes with being the only one in a relationship who cares enough to think about, analyze and learn how to get past the common but dangerous “issues” in a real, honest, loving relationship.
Again, the good news is that this is fairly easy to learn… and when you get this down… and know how to create a gut level attraction inside a man that leads to him feeling an intense and lasting desire to be with you… everything else will just fall into place.
Thanks
Simply put, a woman who understands these 5 things never has problems with men becoming distant or pulling away… her main problem is usually men wanting to get too serious, too fast!
On the other hand, failure to understand these things will hurt your chances of finding, attracting, and staying connected with a man over the long-term… no matter how infatuated he may be with you in the “honeymoon stage Here they are:
How attraction works for men and how to create the feeling of attraction inside a man in a way that awakens more than just his physical senses and short term interest
The main thing you must understand to guarantee the man you want to be with feels the same way about you is attraction. More specifically how attraction works for men.
Sadly, most women will never figure this out and end up sabotaging their chances of experiencing a loving relationship with the man they want… without ever realizing what they did wrong. Have you ever thought about what attraction really is?
The fact is that most of us have never considered the nature of attraction and how it works.
Think about it for a minute. What is “attraction” anyway? And what does it have to do with love? Or lust?
This motivated me to spend the last few years studying, researching, and observing to build a clear map and picture of how attraction works in both the short and long term so that I could share my understanding and help others.
Of course simply knowing what attraction is isn't enough. What’s really important, if you want things to grow and last with a man, is knowing how to create it.
If you want to take a man from “Hello…” to a first date, to meeting you again, to talking and sharing deeper things about each other, to attraction, to more “lasting attraction”, to intimacy… and all the way to “I have to tell you that I love you”… then you're going to have to get the hang of turning up the level of attraction a man is feeling for you and knowing how and when to dial it up and down…
Men respond to anticipation, tension, and other ingredients of attraction. And if used correctly, they will amplify each other leading to a very strong, deep level of attraction.
If you want men to feel that gut level attraction inside that's more than the “she's cute or hot enough to date for a little while” that some guys feel, then you're going to need to evolve for yourself a new understanding of how communication works.
And get this: A woman who learns to create this kind of attraction and make a man feel these feelings will not only have a closer, more open and “connected” man, but she'll also have a better long-term partner… a partner who will often figure out and deal with some of the “natural” challenges that come up in relationships for her.
In other words, you won't have to be the one doing all the work anymore to keep the relationship alive. The relationship won't just die or fall apart if you stop compensating for him. You won't have all that “weight” that comes with being the only one in a relationship who cares enough to think about, analyze and learn how to get past the common but dangerous “issues” in a real, honest, loving relationship.
Again, the good news is that this is fairly easy to learn… and when you get this down… and know how to create a gut level attraction inside a man that leads to him feeling an intense and lasting desire to be with you… everything else will just fall into place.
Thanks
The Secret Reason A Man Will Never Tell You About Why He Didn’t Want You
Although what I’m about to tell you may upset you, it’s actually good news.
Here it is: When a man pulls away from a woman, it is not because men are screwed up.
And… it’s not because he has doubts about being in a relationship. It’s because he has doubts about being in a serious relationship with that particular woman.
Something is missing with that woman that makes him think that she is not the one for him to settle down with… and that he can do better…
Here’s something else you should know… When this happens, it’s usually never over a little thing.
It’s also almost never because a man isn’t attracted to you physically if that was the case, he wouldn’t have gotten that close to you in the first place.
It also doesn’t necessarily mean that he wasn’t at least somewhat attracted to you emotionally…
What it does mean is that there wasn’t enough attraction there to lead him to feel that you were the one for him.
So was there anything you could have done about it?
The answer is yes. And the good news is that it’s actually quite simple to give a man that powerful “gut feeling” that tells him you are the one.It all comes down to understanding just a few important things about men.
Thanks
Here it is: When a man pulls away from a woman, it is not because men are screwed up.
And… it’s not because he has doubts about being in a relationship. It’s because he has doubts about being in a serious relationship with that particular woman.
Something is missing with that woman that makes him think that she is not the one for him to settle down with… and that he can do better…
Here’s something else you should know… When this happens, it’s usually never over a little thing.
It’s also almost never because a man isn’t attracted to you physically if that was the case, he wouldn’t have gotten that close to you in the first place.
It also doesn’t necessarily mean that he wasn’t at least somewhat attracted to you emotionally…
What it does mean is that there wasn’t enough attraction there to lead him to feel that you were the one for him.
So was there anything you could have done about it?
The answer is yes. And the good news is that it’s actually quite simple to give a man that powerful “gut feeling” that tells him you are the one.It all comes down to understanding just a few important things about men.
Thanks
Why Men Pull Away From Some Women But Not From Others ?
When someone we care about rejects our efforts to become closer to them, it’s not a fun feeling. But an even worse feeling than that is not knowing why.
Of course, the men in these situations are rarely any help. They will usually try to explain themselves by saying dumb things like. It's not you, it's me. Or another predictable male excuse such as, I'm just not ready for a serious relationship.
I know this very well because I've been “that guy” in the past…
I’ve been the guy who withdraws… the kind who spontaneously gets “scared” when a relationship gets close and intimate… and the kind of guy that can make a real, close, loving, lasting relationship seem impossible.
I’ll admit it. I know all about “that guy”… because that guy has been me.
But let me let you in on a couple of secrets… the first of which you might already know:
The “excuses” I mentioned above, and all of the rest of the common “man excuses are a bunch of b.s.
Deep down, 99% of all men are ready for a relationship… and would love to find that special woman… someone with whom they could finally let their guard down, and experience true love.
Trust me on this one. I’ve known more than a few “players”… and while some men will date several women at once, it’s only because they haven’t met the one they are really looking for.
In fact… over the years I’ve seen every one of these guys bring their playing to a screeching halt when they met someone they were really into. I’m sure you’ve seen this happen with guys you know…
I’m also embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve actually said both of the “excuses” I mentioned above on more than one occasion… and after the perspective I’ve gained from years of understanding myself and other men, I finally realized that I never actually meant it when I said it… and neither do other men.
You know what I’m talking about here from experience… When a man says one thing, but you intuitively know it’s another… but he can never see it for himself, no matter how hard you try and show or convince him.
The reality is that I, and most other men, have never pulled away from a woman because I wasn’t “ready for a relationship”… or because I “got nervous” or “wanted to take things slow”… although that’s all we could see to understand about ourselves and communicate at the time.
A female friend of mine recently had the unfortunate experience of having a man pull away from her because he “wasn’t ready for something serious”… only to jump into a serious relationship with another woman just a few weeks later.
Hmm!! So why do men pull away from certain women… but fall head over heels for others? Let me let you in on another little secret.
Thanks
Of course, the men in these situations are rarely any help. They will usually try to explain themselves by saying dumb things like. It's not you, it's me. Or another predictable male excuse such as, I'm just not ready for a serious relationship.
I know this very well because I've been “that guy” in the past…
I’ve been the guy who withdraws… the kind who spontaneously gets “scared” when a relationship gets close and intimate… and the kind of guy that can make a real, close, loving, lasting relationship seem impossible.
I’ll admit it. I know all about “that guy”… because that guy has been me.
But let me let you in on a couple of secrets… the first of which you might already know:
The “excuses” I mentioned above, and all of the rest of the common “man excuses are a bunch of b.s.
Deep down, 99% of all men are ready for a relationship… and would love to find that special woman… someone with whom they could finally let their guard down, and experience true love.
Trust me on this one. I’ve known more than a few “players”… and while some men will date several women at once, it’s only because they haven’t met the one they are really looking for.
In fact… over the years I’ve seen every one of these guys bring their playing to a screeching halt when they met someone they were really into. I’m sure you’ve seen this happen with guys you know…
I’m also embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve actually said both of the “excuses” I mentioned above on more than one occasion… and after the perspective I’ve gained from years of understanding myself and other men, I finally realized that I never actually meant it when I said it… and neither do other men.
You know what I’m talking about here from experience… When a man says one thing, but you intuitively know it’s another… but he can never see it for himself, no matter how hard you try and show or convince him.
The reality is that I, and most other men, have never pulled away from a woman because I wasn’t “ready for a relationship”… or because I “got nervous” or “wanted to take things slow”… although that’s all we could see to understand about ourselves and communicate at the time.
A female friend of mine recently had the unfortunate experience of having a man pull away from her because he “wasn’t ready for something serious”… only to jump into a serious relationship with another woman just a few weeks later.
Hmm!! So why do men pull away from certain women… but fall head over heels for others? Let me let you in on another little secret.
Thanks
How To Finding Love On-Line
Finding Love On-Line.Could it really be this easy to create a lasting connection with a man that goes far beyond physical attraction and sparks a deep emotional bond inside him to where he feels literally addicted to being with you, and only you, forever?
The answer is yes and if you want to eliminate all the insecurity that can come from losing the guy you really want, and start experiencing the love, attention, and respect you deserve from a man, regardless of his emotional hang-ups then this will be the most important letter you’ll ever read.
Well, I have some important questions for you. Think carefully as you answer
Have you ever had a man you were interested in---maybe even someone you really cared about all of a sudden become “distant” and withdrawn… and you just couldn’t figure out why?
Can you remember a time when you began to develop strong feelings for a man and knew you wanted to be with him and only him but he seemed ambivalent and wishy-washy about the situation and it drove you nuts?
Have you ever dated a man who was afraid to commit to you… and even he didn’t really know why?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with a man who took you for granted or just didn’t value you as a person?
Are you apprehensive about giving yourself emotionally and physically to a man because you fear that he won’t do the same? Or worse… that he’ll only do it partially and then just leave… for what seems like no reason at all?
Have you ever known that you and a guy would be perfect together… but for reasons you cannot explain, he just couldn’t see it?
Do you ever feel like all men are the same to the point where it makes you just want to give up?
Do you fear that you won’t be physically satisfying or attractive to a man after months or years in a relationship… and that he won’t be as attracted and in love with you after many years together?
Do you ever fear that your man might end up with someone else?
Do you secretly fear that you may never experience the passionate life-long love you dream about… and that you might end up lonely and alone?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I have some important news for you. The news is that you are not alone.
In fact, that list of questions was created from talking to literally hundreds of women about the problems they were facing in their love lives.
It’s a fact: Relationships with men so often start off hot and heavy but then quickly and unexpectedly turn ice-cold
Nearly all women have had the experience of feeling like they’ve finally found something “real” with a man… and sharing themselves both emotionally and physically… only to have him suddenly pull away.
And what’s worse when this happens, there often seems to be no explanation and no good reason at all.
These types of situations make it easy to feel pessimistic towards men in general and can definitely lead you to believe all men are just “screwed up”
But is that the real truth? Are men really too messed up to experience a mature, healthy, loving relationship? Is there any hope?
.Could it really be this easy to create a lasting connection with a man that goes far beyond physical attraction and sparks a deep emotional bond inside him to where he feels literally addicted to being with you, and only you, forever?
The answer is yes and if you want to eliminate all the insecurity that can come from losing the guy you really want, and start experiencing the love, attention, and respect you deserve from a man, regardless of his emotional hang-ups then this will be the most important letter you’ll ever read…
Well, I have some important questions for you. Think carefully as you answer
Have you ever had a man you were interested in---maybe even someone you really cared about all of a sudden become “distant” and withdrawn… and you just couldn’t figure out why?
Can you remember a time when you began to develop strong feelings for a man and knew you wanted to be with him and only him but he seemed ambivalent and wishy-washy about the situation and it drove you nuts?
Have you ever dated a man who was afraid to commit to you… and even he didn’t really know why?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with a man who took you for granted or just didn’t value you as a person?
Are you apprehensive about giving yourself emotionally and physically to a man because you fear that he won’t do the same? Or worse… that he’ll only do it partially and then just leave… for what seems like no reason at all?
Have you ever known that you and a guy would be perfect together… but for reasons you cannot explain, he just couldn’t see it?
Do you ever feel like all men are the same to the point where it makes you just want to give up?
Do you fear that you won’t be physically satisfying or attractive to a man after months or years in a relationship… and that he won’t be as attracted and in love with you after many years together?
Do you ever fear that your man might end up with someone else?
Do you secretly fear that you may never experience the passionate life-long love you dream about… and that you might end up lonely and alone?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I have some important news for you. The news is that you are not alone.
In fact, that list of questions was created from talking to literally hundreds of women about the problems they were facing in their love lives.
It’s a fact: Relationships with men so often start off hot and heavy but then quickly and unexpectedly turn ice-cold
Nearly all women have had the experience of feeling like they’ve finally found something “real” with a man… and sharing themselves both emotionally and physically… only to have him suddenly pull away.
And what’s worse when this happens, there often seems to be no explanation and no good reason at all.
These types of situations make it easy to feel pessimistic towards men in general and can definitely lead you to believe all men are just “screwed up”
But is that the real truth? Are men really too messed up to experience a mature, healthy, loving relationship? Is there any hope?
Thanks
The answer is yes and if you want to eliminate all the insecurity that can come from losing the guy you really want, and start experiencing the love, attention, and respect you deserve from a man, regardless of his emotional hang-ups then this will be the most important letter you’ll ever read.
Well, I have some important questions for you. Think carefully as you answer
Have you ever had a man you were interested in---maybe even someone you really cared about all of a sudden become “distant” and withdrawn… and you just couldn’t figure out why?
Can you remember a time when you began to develop strong feelings for a man and knew you wanted to be with him and only him but he seemed ambivalent and wishy-washy about the situation and it drove you nuts?
Have you ever dated a man who was afraid to commit to you… and even he didn’t really know why?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with a man who took you for granted or just didn’t value you as a person?
Are you apprehensive about giving yourself emotionally and physically to a man because you fear that he won’t do the same? Or worse… that he’ll only do it partially and then just leave… for what seems like no reason at all?
Have you ever known that you and a guy would be perfect together… but for reasons you cannot explain, he just couldn’t see it?
Do you ever feel like all men are the same to the point where it makes you just want to give up?
Do you fear that you won’t be physically satisfying or attractive to a man after months or years in a relationship… and that he won’t be as attracted and in love with you after many years together?
Do you ever fear that your man might end up with someone else?
Do you secretly fear that you may never experience the passionate life-long love you dream about… and that you might end up lonely and alone?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I have some important news for you. The news is that you are not alone.
In fact, that list of questions was created from talking to literally hundreds of women about the problems they were facing in their love lives.
It’s a fact: Relationships with men so often start off hot and heavy but then quickly and unexpectedly turn ice-cold
Nearly all women have had the experience of feeling like they’ve finally found something “real” with a man… and sharing themselves both emotionally and physically… only to have him suddenly pull away.
And what’s worse when this happens, there often seems to be no explanation and no good reason at all.
These types of situations make it easy to feel pessimistic towards men in general and can definitely lead you to believe all men are just “screwed up”
But is that the real truth? Are men really too messed up to experience a mature, healthy, loving relationship? Is there any hope?
.Could it really be this easy to create a lasting connection with a man that goes far beyond physical attraction and sparks a deep emotional bond inside him to where he feels literally addicted to being with you, and only you, forever?
The answer is yes and if you want to eliminate all the insecurity that can come from losing the guy you really want, and start experiencing the love, attention, and respect you deserve from a man, regardless of his emotional hang-ups then this will be the most important letter you’ll ever read…
Well, I have some important questions for you. Think carefully as you answer
Have you ever had a man you were interested in---maybe even someone you really cared about all of a sudden become “distant” and withdrawn… and you just couldn’t figure out why?
Can you remember a time when you began to develop strong feelings for a man and knew you wanted to be with him and only him but he seemed ambivalent and wishy-washy about the situation and it drove you nuts?
Have you ever dated a man who was afraid to commit to you… and even he didn’t really know why?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with a man who took you for granted or just didn’t value you as a person?
Are you apprehensive about giving yourself emotionally and physically to a man because you fear that he won’t do the same? Or worse… that he’ll only do it partially and then just leave… for what seems like no reason at all?
Have you ever known that you and a guy would be perfect together… but for reasons you cannot explain, he just couldn’t see it?
Do you ever feel like all men are the same to the point where it makes you just want to give up?
Do you fear that you won’t be physically satisfying or attractive to a man after months or years in a relationship… and that he won’t be as attracted and in love with you after many years together?
Do you ever fear that your man might end up with someone else?
Do you secretly fear that you may never experience the passionate life-long love you dream about… and that you might end up lonely and alone?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I have some important news for you. The news is that you are not alone.
In fact, that list of questions was created from talking to literally hundreds of women about the problems they were facing in their love lives.
It’s a fact: Relationships with men so often start off hot and heavy but then quickly and unexpectedly turn ice-cold
Nearly all women have had the experience of feeling like they’ve finally found something “real” with a man… and sharing themselves both emotionally and physically… only to have him suddenly pull away.
And what’s worse when this happens, there often seems to be no explanation and no good reason at all.
These types of situations make it easy to feel pessimistic towards men in general and can definitely lead you to believe all men are just “screwed up”
But is that the real truth? Are men really too messed up to experience a mature, healthy, loving relationship? Is there any hope?
Thanks
Thursday, February 12, 2009
How To Make A Man Fall In Love With You
Dear Reader,
If you want to make a man fall in love with you... Or you want to get that "spark" back in your relationship, check this out-
There is one thing that is likely holding you back from the relationship of your dreams: you. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain.
What if you, your thoughts and your actions were the biggest obstacle to letting love into your life?
And what if the most certain and fool-proof way to make sure you attract the right man and create the right relationship didn't have anything to do with spending your time trying to figure out what’s going on with him...
But instead had everything to do with what was going on inside of you?
When it comes to love and relationships, if you haven't laid the groundwork for yourself first, odds are you're not going to experience any kind of lasting love and happiness- no matter how "perfect" your man is, or how hard you try to make your relationship work.
In fact, the harder you try, the farther love and a fun and "flowing" relationship will move away from you. Why is this? The short answer is that love is not a destination.
Love is not something that you'll one day "get right" and arrive at and enjoy forever. You can't force love to come together and take place- especially with a man. Love is a process. And so are relationships.
And because of this, love requires that if you want the best possible relationship... then you have to engage in love from the best possible place within yourself, everyday.
What you give really is what you get, like it or not.
This is part of the secret of creating and sharing an amazing level of love and affection in your life with a man-
You have to bring your very best self to everything you do with a man, and in your relationship.
And that includes not just what you say and do around a man... but the feelings and emotions you go on inside you that are what drives what you say and do with a man.
Your relationship with a man is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, and the feelings and emotions you carry inside.
What are you carrying inside that you can't or don't want to talk about or share?
How is this really at the heart of what's holding you back and getting in your way.
The strangest part is, what seems like the thing that will hurt the most (confronting the
things we don't want to think about)... is the very thing that will set us free and open us up to something bigger and better.
If you're carrying fear and pain from your past, then you'll create distance between you and a man... and you'll unknowingly push him away with your worries and anxiety.
But...
If you show up everyday with an open, loving, and compassionate heart... and you radiate the things that are part of your "best self"... a man won't be able to keep himself from being drawn to you- and you'll attract him effortlessly from the inside out.
And when you can do this, you'll be amazed at how quickly even the most difficult and impossible seeming situations suddenly turn into moments of learning, growth, and deeper connection.
"Disagreements" turn into opportunities where you and a man learn more about how you both really feel and start understanding each other better.
"Fights" turn into ways that you both break out of your old patterns and grow incredible new connections.
"Uncertainty" turns into the very essence of the excitement that keeps you both coming back to each other to learn and discover more... and move to deeper levels of love and appreciation.
But you can't even begin to get there and turn these things around in your relationship if you haven’t put yourself in the right "state" first.
You have to put yourself in the right place in your heart and mind before a man is going to experience the kind of love and attraction he needs to feel with you for your relationship to grow close and last.
This amazing program will help you overcome the personal challenges that are keeping you from experiencing true love and intimacy. And it will help you do it right away.
You'll learn how to let go of the painful stories that still cause you heartache and pain, even in new relationships. You'll learn how to break the self-destructive habits that are making it impossible for you to create an open, loving relationship with a man.
You'll learn how to rid your life of the insecurity, worry, and hesitation that often drives men away but you don't feel like you can do anything about.
Let me help you discover a way to regain your own feminine "power" and shift your mindset from looking for the right guy to being the right woman who is ready to welcome love into her life and a man can't resist.
Because if you wait around for a man to be the one to help you get your heart, your mind, and your love life together... you might be waiting a while.
So, take the time to be in the right place for yourself first... and the right man and the right relationship will follow. I know it.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love, I want to know how I can improve my materials even more and help you live the life filled with love and joy you deserve.
Thank You
If you want to make a man fall in love with you... Or you want to get that "spark" back in your relationship, check this out-
There is one thing that is likely holding you back from the relationship of your dreams: you. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain.
What if you, your thoughts and your actions were the biggest obstacle to letting love into your life?
And what if the most certain and fool-proof way to make sure you attract the right man and create the right relationship didn't have anything to do with spending your time trying to figure out what’s going on with him...
But instead had everything to do with what was going on inside of you?
When it comes to love and relationships, if you haven't laid the groundwork for yourself first, odds are you're not going to experience any kind of lasting love and happiness- no matter how "perfect" your man is, or how hard you try to make your relationship work.
In fact, the harder you try, the farther love and a fun and "flowing" relationship will move away from you. Why is this? The short answer is that love is not a destination.
Love is not something that you'll one day "get right" and arrive at and enjoy forever. You can't force love to come together and take place- especially with a man. Love is a process. And so are relationships.
And because of this, love requires that if you want the best possible relationship... then you have to engage in love from the best possible place within yourself, everyday.
What you give really is what you get, like it or not.
This is part of the secret of creating and sharing an amazing level of love and affection in your life with a man-
You have to bring your very best self to everything you do with a man, and in your relationship.
And that includes not just what you say and do around a man... but the feelings and emotions you go on inside you that are what drives what you say and do with a man.
Your relationship with a man is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, and the feelings and emotions you carry inside.
What are you carrying inside that you can't or don't want to talk about or share?
How is this really at the heart of what's holding you back and getting in your way.
The strangest part is, what seems like the thing that will hurt the most (confronting the
things we don't want to think about)... is the very thing that will set us free and open us up to something bigger and better.
If you're carrying fear and pain from your past, then you'll create distance between you and a man... and you'll unknowingly push him away with your worries and anxiety.
But...
If you show up everyday with an open, loving, and compassionate heart... and you radiate the things that are part of your "best self"... a man won't be able to keep himself from being drawn to you- and you'll attract him effortlessly from the inside out.
And when you can do this, you'll be amazed at how quickly even the most difficult and impossible seeming situations suddenly turn into moments of learning, growth, and deeper connection.
"Disagreements" turn into opportunities where you and a man learn more about how you both really feel and start understanding each other better.
"Fights" turn into ways that you both break out of your old patterns and grow incredible new connections.
"Uncertainty" turns into the very essence of the excitement that keeps you both coming back to each other to learn and discover more... and move to deeper levels of love and appreciation.
But you can't even begin to get there and turn these things around in your relationship if you haven’t put yourself in the right "state" first.
You have to put yourself in the right place in your heart and mind before a man is going to experience the kind of love and attraction he needs to feel with you for your relationship to grow close and last.
This amazing program will help you overcome the personal challenges that are keeping you from experiencing true love and intimacy. And it will help you do it right away.
You'll learn how to let go of the painful stories that still cause you heartache and pain, even in new relationships. You'll learn how to break the self-destructive habits that are making it impossible for you to create an open, loving relationship with a man.
You'll learn how to rid your life of the insecurity, worry, and hesitation that often drives men away but you don't feel like you can do anything about.
Let me help you discover a way to regain your own feminine "power" and shift your mindset from looking for the right guy to being the right woman who is ready to welcome love into her life and a man can't resist.
Because if you wait around for a man to be the one to help you get your heart, your mind, and your love life together... you might be waiting a while.
So, take the time to be in the right place for yourself first... and the right man and the right relationship will follow. I know it.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love, I want to know how I can improve my materials even more and help you live the life filled with love and joy you deserve.
Thank You
The Myth of Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others...So often we think that because we want to communicate a message, that others are going to naturally understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up? Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don't think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”...?Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” ... but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or he isn't attracted to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.
The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of attraction. Once a man feels it, you're done. It’s over. It’s like hammering a railroad spike into the coffin.
Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he'll start behaving differently. In short, he'll back off or even disappear. So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?I got it from watching women.
I have actually heard several women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”... and of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're not attracted to.
Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's happening as any attraction and interest he might have felt, evaporates.
So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice... a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from his perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you've created a turning point in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman. And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you've created a negative tension that can be very uncomfortable. You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him. Doing “nice” things for a man who isn't attracted to you, hurts you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he'll perhaps never like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way. They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they're doing what makes sense to them. They're doing it, because they don't have an understanding of attraction.
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn't “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want him to like you more, it will backfire... and he will not only not like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this: Like him.Tell him you like him>He likes you
Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren't already attracted to you, then it's going to backfire. If he's not into you, then it goes like this:
He thinks of you as a friend.You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws...
THE ANSWER
There are really two answers to this problem. The first answer, is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don't know if he likes you back. don’t get heavy with him.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter...Don't send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.
Don't call him several times, without hearing from him. And don't confess your love for him. If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to attract him and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than him. Use signals from him to find out how he feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then learn. Asking a man if he's interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually destroy the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.
Really. The second answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the first place. Avoid it entirely. And how does one do that? One does that by creating attraction from the beginning. One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of attraction triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing from the beginning. And what's the best way to learn that skill? I thought you'd never ask...Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll write about it again.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up? Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don't think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”...?Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” ... but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or he isn't attracted to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.
The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of attraction. Once a man feels it, you're done. It’s over. It’s like hammering a railroad spike into the coffin.
Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he'll start behaving differently. In short, he'll back off or even disappear. So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?I got it from watching women.
I have actually heard several women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”... and of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're not attracted to.
Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's happening as any attraction and interest he might have felt, evaporates.
So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice... a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from his perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you've created a turning point in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman. And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you've created a negative tension that can be very uncomfortable. You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him. Doing “nice” things for a man who isn't attracted to you, hurts you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he'll perhaps never like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way. They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they're doing what makes sense to them. They're doing it, because they don't have an understanding of attraction.
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn't “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want him to like you more, it will backfire... and he will not only not like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this: Like him.Tell him you like him>He likes you
Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren't already attracted to you, then it's going to backfire. If he's not into you, then it goes like this:
He thinks of you as a friend.You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws...
THE ANSWER
There are really two answers to this problem. The first answer, is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don't know if he likes you back. don’t get heavy with him.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter...Don't send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.
Don't call him several times, without hearing from him. And don't confess your love for him. If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to attract him and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than him. Use signals from him to find out how he feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then learn. Asking a man if he's interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually destroy the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.
Really. The second answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the first place. Avoid it entirely. And how does one do that? One does that by creating attraction from the beginning. One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of attraction triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing from the beginning. And what's the best way to learn that skill? I thought you'd never ask...Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll write about it again.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
How To Create An Intense Attraction With A Man
Well, I’d like to tell you a story...It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed. Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem. As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him... and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture. He just wasn't acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her. After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how she felt, that he would feel the same way.
So she made a bold move. She told him how she felt. She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.
This only confused the woman more. She didn't know how to take it...Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint? Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and really let him know how she felt? She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter... again confessing her feelings. And then, something unthinkable happened. Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”... and hung up... but she never got a call back. Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened. the end...
Ok, I'm back. Now, wasn't that a sweet story? Heartwarming, huh?.I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story. That story is basically a myth. But I'm not talking about fiction here. I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can identify with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for some women?
Because lots of women have been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many have been there often in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really fascinate me.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to understand and solve the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.
It lies in understanding a secret that lots of women don't get.
That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn't attracted to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, backfire.
In other words, they not only don't work; they actually make things worse. In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man like her, make him not like her.
They make him run. All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away. It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better, if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away. Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you? Strange and interesting.
Thanks.
At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem. As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him... and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture. He just wasn't acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her. After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how she felt, that he would feel the same way.
So she made a bold move. She told him how she felt. She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.
This only confused the woman more. She didn't know how to take it...Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint? Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and really let him know how she felt? She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter... again confessing her feelings. And then, something unthinkable happened. Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”... and hung up... but she never got a call back. Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened. the end...
Ok, I'm back. Now, wasn't that a sweet story? Heartwarming, huh?.I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story. That story is basically a myth. But I'm not talking about fiction here. I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can identify with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for some women?
Because lots of women have been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many have been there often in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really fascinate me.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to understand and solve the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.
It lies in understanding a secret that lots of women don't get.
That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn't attracted to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, backfire.
In other words, they not only don't work; they actually make things worse. In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man like her, make him not like her.
They make him run. All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away. It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better, if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away. Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you? Strange and interesting.
Thanks.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Why Some Women Are Just Unlucky In Love Life?
Now… I’d like to ask you another question… and I’m asking that you be totally honest with me here…
When you are alone and thinking about the pain and frustrations you’ve experienced in life and in love… what do you attribute to be the cause of it all?
Do you ever feel that you might have just been “unlucky” in love? And maybe it’s just that your “time” has yet to come?
And… have you ever thought that when that time does come… and if you could just meet the right man for you… that all of your problems, fears, and disappointments would simply go away?
Maybe you see your life as a puzzle… and your perfect man as the missing piece that will finally “complete” you…
And deep down, you feel that if you could just find that missing piece… or when it finds you… that everything will finally come together and fit perfectly… and all of your troubles would simply fade away…Sound familiar?
I think we’ve all felt this way at one time or another. It’s nice and comforting to think that one day we will all meet the love of our lives and live happily ever after.
In fact… this fairytale has been burned into our minds since we were all very young…
And because of this… many of us never stop to think that this belief of our prince showing up and “taking us away” from all of our troubles could be just that… a fairytale that may never come true.
The truth is that the thought of being “unlucky” is a dangerous one… because it allows to you overlook what is probably the real source of the problem…
Think about this for a second…
What if the feelings and problems you are experiencing in life and in love are not a result of you being “unlucky” and not finding the right man for you… but the very reasons why you have yet to find him? Have you ever thought that this could be the case?
Thanks.
When you are alone and thinking about the pain and frustrations you’ve experienced in life and in love… what do you attribute to be the cause of it all?
Do you ever feel that you might have just been “unlucky” in love? And maybe it’s just that your “time” has yet to come?
And… have you ever thought that when that time does come… and if you could just meet the right man for you… that all of your problems, fears, and disappointments would simply go away?
Maybe you see your life as a puzzle… and your perfect man as the missing piece that will finally “complete” you…
And deep down, you feel that if you could just find that missing piece… or when it finds you… that everything will finally come together and fit perfectly… and all of your troubles would simply fade away…Sound familiar?
I think we’ve all felt this way at one time or another. It’s nice and comforting to think that one day we will all meet the love of our lives and live happily ever after.
In fact… this fairytale has been burned into our minds since we were all very young…
And because of this… many of us never stop to think that this belief of our prince showing up and “taking us away” from all of our troubles could be just that… a fairytale that may never come true.
The truth is that the thought of being “unlucky” is a dangerous one… because it allows to you overlook what is probably the real source of the problem…
Think about this for a second…
What if the feelings and problems you are experiencing in life and in love are not a result of you being “unlucky” and not finding the right man for you… but the very reasons why you have yet to find him? Have you ever thought that this could be the case?
Thanks.
How To Stop Feeling Cursed While Living Without Love?
Hey Guys
Do you ever get that feeling that finding a fulfilling and lasting relationship with a man
seems like it's nearly impossible? Have you ever caught yourself thinking of all
the reasons that love won't work out in your life... instead of finding all the reasons it can
and will?
Do you ever wonder if there even is a man out there who is capable of not only seeing you for who you really are...
But who is also able to truly love you for all that you are?
If so, then you're not alone. My experience over the last several years
has led me to meet tons women who are incredibly smart, beautiful, and loving...
But who all make one tragic mistake- They let their mind get in the way of the
love that they want to give and receive in their heart.
If you've ever caught yourself feeling like it's safer to not meet a man, not open up, and
to not date to love... then you know what I'm talking about.
If you know in your heart that you want nothing more than to have that deep kind of intimate love in your life again...
But you know that one of the biggest struggles you're facing is simply getting past the fear
and resistance you have in your mind...
Let me ask you... What if you came across that amazing man who
you knew could be the kind of lover, friend, and companion that would last forever...
But you let negative thoughts and patterns from your past get in the way?
Wouldn't you just kick yourself?
You've tried being the amazing woman you are. You've tried to give "dating" a chance to help you connect with that right man.
And you've told yourself that you would open your heart again for love... even though the
possibility of getting hurt again scares you more than you would care to admit...
But love still isn't flowing and surrounding you in your life. Why is that, and how can that be? It doesn't seem fair.
There's something I believe in strongly that I want you to hear-
When we are truly open to recognizing, giving,
and receiving love... something incredible happens- Love surrounds us.
I want you to feel what it's like to be surrounded by love both in a deeply connected relationship with a great man... and in all your relationships.
But I need your help. It's time you did the best thing you can do
when you've tried your best but you're still not getting what you want-
And that's to discover how other women like you have turned their love lives around.
The good news is, it's a whole lot easier than it might sound.
It starts with creating a small and simple "shift" inside yourself.
And it's this one small shift that radiates out like a ripple on the water to start having a dramatic effect on everything else.
Thanks.
Do you ever get that feeling that finding a fulfilling and lasting relationship with a man
seems like it's nearly impossible? Have you ever caught yourself thinking of all
the reasons that love won't work out in your life... instead of finding all the reasons it can
and will?
Do you ever wonder if there even is a man out there who is capable of not only seeing you for who you really are...
But who is also able to truly love you for all that you are?
If so, then you're not alone. My experience over the last several years
has led me to meet tons women who are incredibly smart, beautiful, and loving...
But who all make one tragic mistake- They let their mind get in the way of the
love that they want to give and receive in their heart.
If you've ever caught yourself feeling like it's safer to not meet a man, not open up, and
to not date to love... then you know what I'm talking about.
If you know in your heart that you want nothing more than to have that deep kind of intimate love in your life again...
But you know that one of the biggest struggles you're facing is simply getting past the fear
and resistance you have in your mind...
Let me ask you... What if you came across that amazing man who
you knew could be the kind of lover, friend, and companion that would last forever...
But you let negative thoughts and patterns from your past get in the way?
Wouldn't you just kick yourself?
You've tried being the amazing woman you are. You've tried to give "dating" a chance to help you connect with that right man.
And you've told yourself that you would open your heart again for love... even though the
possibility of getting hurt again scares you more than you would care to admit...
But love still isn't flowing and surrounding you in your life. Why is that, and how can that be? It doesn't seem fair.
There's something I believe in strongly that I want you to hear-
When we are truly open to recognizing, giving,
and receiving love... something incredible happens- Love surrounds us.
I want you to feel what it's like to be surrounded by love both in a deeply connected relationship with a great man... and in all your relationships.
But I need your help. It's time you did the best thing you can do
when you've tried your best but you're still not getting what you want-
And that's to discover how other women like you have turned their love lives around.
The good news is, it's a whole lot easier than it might sound.
It starts with creating a small and simple "shift" inside yourself.
And it's this one small shift that radiates out like a ripple on the water to start having a dramatic effect on everything else.
Thanks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)