The reason as to why men cheat on women is an age-old question. The reasons why men cheat on women can be varied. Nevertheless, we have compiled a list of the top 10 reasons why both married and unmarried men cheat. Sometimes their reasons don’t even involve you and it’s simply an ego-based decision. Other times, reasons why men cheat can involve you and your relationship, or lack thereof.
Then, why do some men cheat in relationships? Almost all men know that cheating is wrong, yet many they still do it. Men will blame their reasons for cheating on their genes and their necessity to reproduce. However, aren’t we suppose to be further evolved than a chimp? Shouldn’t we be able to control our bodies through our minds and conscious decisions? Apparently not always.
The following are the top 10 reasons why men cheat.
1#. Because they had the option. The old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.
2#. It boosts their ego. Sometimes men no longer feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There is nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger.
3#. You grow apart. Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him who loves football or plays golf. He may check out if he is compatible with her under the sheets also.
4#. You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something.
5#. They have fallen out of love. Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.
6#. Your sex life stinks. If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from becoming boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.
7#. To get revenge. A man will sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old fashioned sex?
8#. It’s new, different and exciting. Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try a hamburger. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.
9#. To see if they can get away with it. If a man has the attitude of “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,” he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. However, with all the advancement in surveillance spy ware, getting caught has now become easier than ever.
10#. Because you have allowed it in the past. If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them.
Reasons why men cheat can be more complex than the above list or even be a combination of a few different reasons. Nevertheless, no reason is good enough reason to lie and be dishonest.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Does He Want A Relationship? How Do I Know...
This post has several simple and easy to use tips to quickly help you turn around the relationship problems you're having, or get your new but uncertain relationship started off right.
If you feel "stuck" and he doesn't seem to be feeling it for you the way he used to... and just talking and opening up has become a problem between you two and creates more "drama" than it does help you connect- don't keep doing the things that have caused him to withdraw in the first place.
If you'd like a shortcut to the quickest way to get the passion back to where your guy can't help but be affectionate and is wild about spending time alone with you...
Then the quickest way to make him feel this way again, and avoid frustrating arguments that end up nowhere... is to learn the secrets to making a man feel so attracted to you that he'll have to keep you close and connected in your relationship now and in the future.
Learn how to create this kind of attraction right. Well, I want to answer an important question about men and relationships that women ask me all the time.
The answer may surprise you when it comes to what really works to turn around a "troubled” relationship that feels like it's going nowhere and quickly recapture that "spark."Here goes...Question-
"How do I figure out where my relationship is going... and how do I know what he wants and if he feels the same way I do?"
If I had a nickel for every woman who asked this question. Let me put this in perspective for you...
The very best situation to be in if you're starting a new relationship is to have a man so clearly feeling attracted to you that he’s the one who wants to make plans to be with you all the time.
Of course, this involves more than just the plain old physical attraction a man can feel for lots of "attractive" women.
As a woman, you might already get how "easy” Physical Attraction is for a man to feel. ...and how a man can and will be with a woman not because he really likes or loves her... but because he has a strong desire to be physically intimate with her.
It's never a bad thing if a man has this kind of raw passion and desire for you.
But... There has to be something more than him feeling a strong physical desire to be with you if want things to turn into a real relationship.And this is where way too many women make their first mistake with a man-
I call this mistake "The Danger Of A Connection."This is mistaking the Physical Attraction a man feels with you... and the affection, compliments, and "quality time" a man will spend with you as a signal of his desire for a relationship.
When he's simply enjoying the connection you feel. With a man, a great connection does not mean he wants or feels that "relationship feeling" with you-
Even though for lots of women, these things are one in the same. Here's the reality when it comes to men...
A man can share an amazing "connection" with you that is truly intimate and caring, and he can open his heart and mind and body to you very very quickly if he's "feeling it" for you.
But unless he feels a deeper level of interest for you that goes beyond physical attraction... than no matter how much you do or share together, he’s not going to start having the desire to have a real relationship with you.
Instead, he'll simply have one of those "this is good for now" relationships.If you're the kind of woman who wants a man to cherish you, appreciate you, and want to be with you and only you... then this isn't the kind of "connection" and relationship you want.
So to answer the question directly, "How do I know where my relationship is going?"... I’ll tell you-
You know where it's going by creating the feelings inside a man that make him crave being with you... To the point that he can't help but want more.
And when you're doing the things that make a man get out of his "logical brain" that tells him that he should be cautious and careful about a woman and committing to a relationship...
And you get him into his heart where he starts listening to his feelings for you and allowing them to make his decisions about what he wants with you and your relationship...
Only then will you quickly move past any resistance a man might have to moving into a real relationship with you.
And what's more, you'll get to avoid the dreaded uncertain and on again/off again relationship where a man just isn't sure what he wants with you.
"If a man doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want what he's got."
ok, but what does it really mean that if a man doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't wan what he's got?
It means that if you get that awful uncertain feeling from a man where he doesn't seem to know(or care) about where your relationship is going, then he isn't emotionally engaged in your relationship, and there's no amount of talking or pleading or convincing that will make him feel or act differently.
You can't talk a man into wanting something he isn't already feeling - although lots of women make the fatal mistake of trying to convince a man to "get with it" and commit on a deeper level to the relationships.
Too bad that it just doesn't work this way.
And, in fact... if you try to convince a man of the value of your relationship, or your love, or tell him how he should feel... it will completely backfire.
And he'll feel the opposite of attraction for you. He’ll feel repelled by you... and he'll
resist everything about your relationship and the future.
In other words... the answer to knowing where your relationship is going in a man's mind isn't something to look for and find through words and talking to him.
This isn't the language most men speak when it comes to love, relationships, and how they are feeling.
You can tell much much more by a man's actions. His actions don't lie. Why? Well, it's simple but powerful and important once you learn how it works-
A man's actions are ruled by the way he feels. Whatever he feels drives him to act.
So whenever you do something, whenever you say something, or whenever you have a specific feeling or emotion of your own... a man will have a feeling of his own in response to you.
And that feeling in response will drive him to act a certain way.
Here are a few key areas or situations to think about in terms of how the man in your life feels with you, and how he responds:
When he's around you on a day to day basis-When you want to talk about your relationship.When you feel an intense emotion and communicate and share it with him
When he's away from you and sees how you react and respond in his absence
When you're upset or frustrated-When he doesn't seem to listen or respond to you So let me ask you...How does the man in your life feel when he's around you?
Do you share a fun, carefree, loving connection where he feels stronger, more empowered, and more free to pursue his goals and dreams because of you and how you are with him?
Or does he feel restricted, limited, held back, and like a relationship with you will make it harder to live his life and achieve his purpose?
And... since you can tell more about a man from his actions than what he might or might not say... how does he respond to you in these situations?
I want you to think about something very carefully right now that every mature woman discovers at some point in her life when it comes to the way she communicates and interacts in relationships-
The response you get from a man is largely determined by what you say and what you do.Or as others have put it before- "Communication is the response you get."
Meaning... the only measure of how well you Communicate in your relationship is the result of how the other person responds. (Him)
Nothing else really matters... if you're intent on truly being heard and creating a deep level of understanding between you and a man.
But too many women don't have the patience, think or feel like this takes too much "work", or just can't keep their composure and share their feelings and emotions in a way that doesn't just serve to push a man away.
Becoming frustrated when a man doesn't "get it” and blaming him for not understanding you is a sure fire way to end up putting more distance between you and a man - permanently.
The more you ask yourself the question of "How can I make him get it?"... the more you're going to hold on to the mindset that isn't working for you and stay stuck and frustrated with the way things are now.
There's a little secret to the way our minds work. And part of that secret is this-
Whatever questions we put into our minds, our minds will constantly be trying to find a way to work out the answer for us.
Here's the problem with this... People are constantly asking themselves the wrong questions... or questions that only lead to more problems and questions.
In other words... the questions you ask yourself have everything to do with the kind of answers you get back from your mind, and from the world around you.
Most women who are uncertain about their relationships and don't know where things are headed ask themselves questions such as:
a) "Why isn't he interested in talking and moving our relationship forward?"
b) "How come he's afraid of committing?"
c) "Why didn't he call me?"
If you look at all 3 of these questions, which are ones I hear women ask all the time, you’ll notice that there's something similar going on inside all of these questions-
These questions all come from a "negative" belief that something is wrong, and are asking not how to do something right... but instead
focus on what's going wrong.
The question you ask yourself not only determines where your "energy", attention, and focus go...
But the more you pay attention to them, the more you’ll start to see that they actually share the way you see the world... and the way the world looks back and responds to you.
Men included. The right questions to ask instead would be:
1) "How does it work for a man to want to move a
relationship forward, and what can I do to help
this happen?"
2) "What does it take for a man to commit?"
3) "Why do some men constantly communicate and
share with the women in their lives... and how
do I create this in my relationship?"
Now you're on the right track. I think you're starting to see the difference,
and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
If you're looking to find out what it really takes to make a man feel that intense attraction for you that goes beyond Physical Attraction...
And reaches inside him to a deeper emotional level that allows him to truly connect with you and experience what it takes for him to know that you’re the kind of woman he wants to be with now and in the future... and who he is ready and willing to commit to, then there's something you need to remember-
What a man does (his actions) are determined by the way he feels.
And if a man feels a deep level of attraction for you, then his actions will instantly reflect this in his openness to give and share his love with you... and to move into a more serious and lasting relationship.
But if you make the common mistakes lots of women make such as trying to convince a man to feel more or want more with you... you'll only make things worse and have him withdraw even further.
I want to help make sure you avoid the common mistakes women make in trying to build a deeper connection and relationship with a man that accidentally turn a man off instead.
"Convincing" is just one of several "strategies” that is sure to fail with even a great guy. There’s a better way...
To learn exactly what you can start doing to make the man in your life quickly start feeling and experiencing this deep gut-level attraction for you, no matter what was happening before...learn all about the attraction secrets that work with men in relationships.
You can learn my foundational tips, insights, and get to the bottom of what's going on inside the mind of a man by putting them into practice.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
If you feel "stuck" and he doesn't seem to be feeling it for you the way he used to... and just talking and opening up has become a problem between you two and creates more "drama" than it does help you connect- don't keep doing the things that have caused him to withdraw in the first place.
If you'd like a shortcut to the quickest way to get the passion back to where your guy can't help but be affectionate and is wild about spending time alone with you...
Then the quickest way to make him feel this way again, and avoid frustrating arguments that end up nowhere... is to learn the secrets to making a man feel so attracted to you that he'll have to keep you close and connected in your relationship now and in the future.
Learn how to create this kind of attraction right. Well, I want to answer an important question about men and relationships that women ask me all the time.
The answer may surprise you when it comes to what really works to turn around a "troubled” relationship that feels like it's going nowhere and quickly recapture that "spark."Here goes...Question-
"How do I figure out where my relationship is going... and how do I know what he wants and if he feels the same way I do?"
If I had a nickel for every woman who asked this question. Let me put this in perspective for you...
The very best situation to be in if you're starting a new relationship is to have a man so clearly feeling attracted to you that he’s the one who wants to make plans to be with you all the time.
Of course, this involves more than just the plain old physical attraction a man can feel for lots of "attractive" women.
As a woman, you might already get how "easy” Physical Attraction is for a man to feel. ...and how a man can and will be with a woman not because he really likes or loves her... but because he has a strong desire to be physically intimate with her.
It's never a bad thing if a man has this kind of raw passion and desire for you.
But... There has to be something more than him feeling a strong physical desire to be with you if want things to turn into a real relationship.And this is where way too many women make their first mistake with a man-
I call this mistake "The Danger Of A Connection."This is mistaking the Physical Attraction a man feels with you... and the affection, compliments, and "quality time" a man will spend with you as a signal of his desire for a relationship.
When he's simply enjoying the connection you feel. With a man, a great connection does not mean he wants or feels that "relationship feeling" with you-
Even though for lots of women, these things are one in the same. Here's the reality when it comes to men...
A man can share an amazing "connection" with you that is truly intimate and caring, and he can open his heart and mind and body to you very very quickly if he's "feeling it" for you.
But unless he feels a deeper level of interest for you that goes beyond physical attraction... than no matter how much you do or share together, he’s not going to start having the desire to have a real relationship with you.
Instead, he'll simply have one of those "this is good for now" relationships.If you're the kind of woman who wants a man to cherish you, appreciate you, and want to be with you and only you... then this isn't the kind of "connection" and relationship you want.
So to answer the question directly, "How do I know where my relationship is going?"... I’ll tell you-
You know where it's going by creating the feelings inside a man that make him crave being with you... To the point that he can't help but want more.
And when you're doing the things that make a man get out of his "logical brain" that tells him that he should be cautious and careful about a woman and committing to a relationship...
And you get him into his heart where he starts listening to his feelings for you and allowing them to make his decisions about what he wants with you and your relationship...
Only then will you quickly move past any resistance a man might have to moving into a real relationship with you.
And what's more, you'll get to avoid the dreaded uncertain and on again/off again relationship where a man just isn't sure what he wants with you.
"If a man doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want what he's got."
ok, but what does it really mean that if a man doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't wan what he's got?
It means that if you get that awful uncertain feeling from a man where he doesn't seem to know(or care) about where your relationship is going, then he isn't emotionally engaged in your relationship, and there's no amount of talking or pleading or convincing that will make him feel or act differently.
You can't talk a man into wanting something he isn't already feeling - although lots of women make the fatal mistake of trying to convince a man to "get with it" and commit on a deeper level to the relationships.
Too bad that it just doesn't work this way.
And, in fact... if you try to convince a man of the value of your relationship, or your love, or tell him how he should feel... it will completely backfire.
And he'll feel the opposite of attraction for you. He’ll feel repelled by you... and he'll
resist everything about your relationship and the future.
In other words... the answer to knowing where your relationship is going in a man's mind isn't something to look for and find through words and talking to him.
This isn't the language most men speak when it comes to love, relationships, and how they are feeling.
You can tell much much more by a man's actions. His actions don't lie. Why? Well, it's simple but powerful and important once you learn how it works-
A man's actions are ruled by the way he feels. Whatever he feels drives him to act.
So whenever you do something, whenever you say something, or whenever you have a specific feeling or emotion of your own... a man will have a feeling of his own in response to you.
And that feeling in response will drive him to act a certain way.
Here are a few key areas or situations to think about in terms of how the man in your life feels with you, and how he responds:
When he's around you on a day to day basis-When you want to talk about your relationship.When you feel an intense emotion and communicate and share it with him
When he's away from you and sees how you react and respond in his absence
When you're upset or frustrated-When he doesn't seem to listen or respond to you So let me ask you...How does the man in your life feel when he's around you?
Do you share a fun, carefree, loving connection where he feels stronger, more empowered, and more free to pursue his goals and dreams because of you and how you are with him?
Or does he feel restricted, limited, held back, and like a relationship with you will make it harder to live his life and achieve his purpose?
And... since you can tell more about a man from his actions than what he might or might not say... how does he respond to you in these situations?
I want you to think about something very carefully right now that every mature woman discovers at some point in her life when it comes to the way she communicates and interacts in relationships-
The response you get from a man is largely determined by what you say and what you do.Or as others have put it before- "Communication is the response you get."
Meaning... the only measure of how well you Communicate in your relationship is the result of how the other person responds. (Him)
Nothing else really matters... if you're intent on truly being heard and creating a deep level of understanding between you and a man.
But too many women don't have the patience, think or feel like this takes too much "work", or just can't keep their composure and share their feelings and emotions in a way that doesn't just serve to push a man away.
Becoming frustrated when a man doesn't "get it” and blaming him for not understanding you is a sure fire way to end up putting more distance between you and a man - permanently.
The more you ask yourself the question of "How can I make him get it?"... the more you're going to hold on to the mindset that isn't working for you and stay stuck and frustrated with the way things are now.
There's a little secret to the way our minds work. And part of that secret is this-
Whatever questions we put into our minds, our minds will constantly be trying to find a way to work out the answer for us.
Here's the problem with this... People are constantly asking themselves the wrong questions... or questions that only lead to more problems and questions.
In other words... the questions you ask yourself have everything to do with the kind of answers you get back from your mind, and from the world around you.
Most women who are uncertain about their relationships and don't know where things are headed ask themselves questions such as:
a) "Why isn't he interested in talking and moving our relationship forward?"
b) "How come he's afraid of committing?"
c) "Why didn't he call me?"
If you look at all 3 of these questions, which are ones I hear women ask all the time, you’ll notice that there's something similar going on inside all of these questions-
These questions all come from a "negative" belief that something is wrong, and are asking not how to do something right... but instead
focus on what's going wrong.
The question you ask yourself not only determines where your "energy", attention, and focus go...
But the more you pay attention to them, the more you’ll start to see that they actually share the way you see the world... and the way the world looks back and responds to you.
Men included. The right questions to ask instead would be:
1) "How does it work for a man to want to move a
relationship forward, and what can I do to help
this happen?"
2) "What does it take for a man to commit?"
3) "Why do some men constantly communicate and
share with the women in their lives... and how
do I create this in my relationship?"
Now you're on the right track. I think you're starting to see the difference,
and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
If you're looking to find out what it really takes to make a man feel that intense attraction for you that goes beyond Physical Attraction...
And reaches inside him to a deeper emotional level that allows him to truly connect with you and experience what it takes for him to know that you’re the kind of woman he wants to be with now and in the future... and who he is ready and willing to commit to, then there's something you need to remember-
What a man does (his actions) are determined by the way he feels.
And if a man feels a deep level of attraction for you, then his actions will instantly reflect this in his openness to give and share his love with you... and to move into a more serious and lasting relationship.
But if you make the common mistakes lots of women make such as trying to convince a man to feel more or want more with you... you'll only make things worse and have him withdraw even further.
I want to help make sure you avoid the common mistakes women make in trying to build a deeper connection and relationship with a man that accidentally turn a man off instead.
"Convincing" is just one of several "strategies” that is sure to fail with even a great guy. There’s a better way...
To learn exactly what you can start doing to make the man in your life quickly start feeling and experiencing this deep gut-level attraction for you, no matter what was happening before...learn all about the attraction secrets that work with men in relationships.
You can learn my foundational tips, insights, and get to the bottom of what's going on inside the mind of a man by putting them into practice.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
How Can I Initiate Sex To My Husband?
I have the feeling my husband wants me to initiate sex, but for some reason I have trouble with that, even though I truly enjoy sex.
I'm affectionate with him and am very attracted to him, so it isn't that.
But when it comes to seducing him, I feel silly, shy or somehow like a fraud maybe even "cheap".
Sex advice needed! What can I do to overcome this?My Sex Advice
Often women have been taught that it is not their place to be the initiator. It's always been the norm for a man to make the first move. Our society teaches that girls need to wait for the man to ask, that women who are pushy in bed are not usually the ones who get to walk down the aisle.
Our sex advice is that you need to free yourself from these old beliefs and you will find that it will be easier to express who you really are - whether that is sexually, or in any other creative area of your life. Then you can say: "This is what I want to do! I choose to really feel this feeling, or have this experience! It's mine, and by God, I'm going to enjoy and express myself."
Then, if initiating sex is fun, and you want to express yourself in that way, you will.
I also sense that you are not sure what your partner really wants.
Here's another sex advice - ask him. Find out how he would like you to be about initiating sex.
Perhaps you can develop a special "sign" that indicates your interest, or use private emails, love notes or secret hand signals. That way you don't have to feel as if you are reciting lines from a bad porno flick to be the sexual person you want to be.
He could also show you what he wants you to do.
Remember that one of the wonders of being married is that you can do whatever you want with your husband without feeling bad about it!
I hope this sex advice will help you.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
I'm affectionate with him and am very attracted to him, so it isn't that.
But when it comes to seducing him, I feel silly, shy or somehow like a fraud maybe even "cheap".
Sex advice needed! What can I do to overcome this?My Sex Advice
Often women have been taught that it is not their place to be the initiator. It's always been the norm for a man to make the first move. Our society teaches that girls need to wait for the man to ask, that women who are pushy in bed are not usually the ones who get to walk down the aisle.
Our sex advice is that you need to free yourself from these old beliefs and you will find that it will be easier to express who you really are - whether that is sexually, or in any other creative area of your life. Then you can say: "This is what I want to do! I choose to really feel this feeling, or have this experience! It's mine, and by God, I'm going to enjoy and express myself."
Then, if initiating sex is fun, and you want to express yourself in that way, you will.
I also sense that you are not sure what your partner really wants.
Here's another sex advice - ask him. Find out how he would like you to be about initiating sex.
Perhaps you can develop a special "sign" that indicates your interest, or use private emails, love notes or secret hand signals. That way you don't have to feel as if you are reciting lines from a bad porno flick to be the sexual person you want to be.
He could also show you what he wants you to do.
Remember that one of the wonders of being married is that you can do whatever you want with your husband without feeling bad about it!
I hope this sex advice will help you.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
How Good Relationships Go Bad…And What To Do About It…
You know that men and women can successfully communicate with each other.After all, communicating is how you got to be seriously involved with your man in the first place.
I’m also sure you remember how fun and exciting it was when the two of you first met… how you were absolutely crazy about each other… and how communicating with each other was natural and easy…
But… as two people get to know each other better and become closer to one another, things change...
When you first meet a man, you are less likely to be judgmental of him… and less likely to get your feelings hurt by something he says or does.As a result, he’s more likely to be honest with you… and a lot more open to communication… because he’s not as worried that you will react negatively to him.
But as you grow closer together, things change…It’s only natural for you to become more judgmental of his actions and words, and for him to become more judgmental of yours.
This can create more barriers to solid, clear communication… as I’m sure you already know.Those little “annoyances” that people naturally begin to have about people they spend a lot of time with begin to start appearing… and experiences from past communications begin to mold future interactions…
This can lead to more dishonesty with each other… which often starts out as a “white lie”… and spirals into an all-out fight!For example… let’s say there was a time when you asked your man what he did the other night when you weren’t together… and he openly told you that he went out with his friends to a bar…
Upon hearing this, it’s very common for a woman to give him a little bit of “crap” for not taking her along… or maybe feel a little jealous and hint---or even flat out accuse him---of going out to meet other girls.
Think about how these behaviors can subconsciously “train” a man to act the next time he’s in a similar situation…The next time he goes out with the boys and you ask him about it later, even if he kept his eyes on the football game the entire time, it could make MORE sense to him to tell you what he feels is a “white lie”---maybe that he “stayed home”...simply because he doesn’t want you to get worked up!
But then the next day you find the receipt from his bar tab on the counter… and all hell breaks loose...Now… I’m not saying that you have personally done this particular thing to make your man resistant to communicating with you… this is just an example.
My point is, as if his upbringing wasn’t enough… there are all kinds of other things that make a man resistant to communication…
Some of them occur naturally in a relationship… and some of them you may be bringing about yourself.Your man may also have other external barriers to communication that you aren’t aware of… such as stress in other areas of his life… insecurities he has with himself… or even “baggage” from past relationships.
Either way in order to effectively communicate with your man, it’s important that you learn what his particular barriers to open communication are and how to help him overcome them in a way that makes him excited about doing it.
When you do this correctly, your man will not only listen to what you have to say… but also open up to you… and even begin to take an active interest in your feelings… every single day.
So what are the right ways to achieve this?
Well… unless you’ve been living in a cave, I’m sure you’ve heard what some of the so-called relationship “experts” have to say about this.
But the fact of the matter is…They are dead wrong.I’d like to share with you 3 all-too-common communication “myths”… techniques that are supposed to bring you and your man closer together by getting him to open up to you… but in reality… are almost guaranteed to push him farther away…
Let’s get right into it...Myth 1): Telling A Man Exactly How You Feel Is What’s Most Important
Is it important to share your feelings in your relationship?Absolutely. Doing so is what gives your relationship intimacy and depth and makes it real.
But do most of us do a good job saying how we feel when we’re upset, hurt, or frustrated by something and we really need someone else to hear us and lend us some understanding?
Absolutely not.Instead, we end up communicating in a way that not only keeps us from getting the response or outcome we want (having the other person understand us)… but it actually ends up making things worse.
Now, I get that it’s frustrating to think or feel like you can’t just “be yourself” with a man and share all your feelings with him. I know that if you don’t have the freedom to experience and express your feelings, or if a man won’t listen to you and try to understand you at all… then your relationship is going to feel like it’s a dead-end.
That’s why lots of women end up feeling like they have to “stuff” some of their emotions down inside themselves if they want to keep their relationship going with a man.
But the reality is that it doesn’t have to be this way, and you can share your feelings with a man and not have it back-fire on you… but only if you learn the right way to do it.
One of the reasons so many women have problems when they share their feelings isn’t just because men don’t “get it”. It’s because most of the “conventional wisdom” out there tells you that when you have a feeling (especially a negative one), you’re supposed to try and be clear about your feelings and say “I feel angry...” or “I feel sad…” or “I feel hurt”.
Some call this using “I statements”. This is a communication technique where you simply state the feelings you are having to start the conversation.
Well, have you ever tried this with a man? If so, did it get you the results you wanted?Exactly. Not even close.
You probably got either that blank, withdrawn, passive-aggressive response where he did nothing to acknowledge or respect your feelings… or you got that instantly angry or irritated “rejecting” response where he tried to turn your feelings back on you and blame you or criticize you for having them in the first place. As though you were being “too emotional” and making life unnecessarily difficult.
If you start using “I statements” and you weren’t using them before… you’re actually going to get a better response from the man in your life… at first. But you’re going to quickly end up right back where you started if you don’t know why “I statements” work… and the other critical pieces to good communication that have to go along with them… or else.
Try thinking of it this way...
If you wanted to lose some weight and firm up your waist, you might start doing sit-ups. And after sticking with your sit-up workout for weeks or months, you would expect some inches to drop from your waistline.
But what if you also had the habit of having several pieces of chocolate cake every day… and after doing your sit-ups, you ate some cake? Would you still lose the weight?
Obviously not. Sit-ups are only one part of what can help you lose weight… but they won’t get the job done on their own.
In other words, if you ignore all the other important components to weight loss… then even though you’re disciplined with your sit-up workout, you aren’t going to get the results you want.
Well… it’s the same with using “I statements”. They are a great technique or tool in communicating with a man, and you may even see some immediate short-term results.
But if you are still repeating your other bad habits (chocolate cake), you won’t really solve the problem and you’ll put the pounds right back on.
That’s why… by using “I statements”, you’ve only interrupted your old pattern of communication.
And when you just change your old pattern, you haven’t actually changed what’s been going on and being shared at a deeper level. You’ve only created a new pattern that rests on the same emotional patterns, and is therefore sure to find it’s way back to the same kind of rejecting or ignoring emotional responses you were getting in the past.
Myth 2): A Man Will Fix Your Negative Communication “Patterns” When He Finally “Opens Up”
In case you haven’t realized it yet, most couples have several very distinct patterns they play out over and over in their relationship.It might be a certain argument that keeps being “re-hashed”.
It might be a recurring source of conflict.Or it might be some bad experience from the past that keeps coming up.But part of the pattern always includes some way of coming back together in the end… until the next go round.
You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about if you picture in your mind a couple you know who fights a lot… and you look at what’s actually going on besides the words that they’re saying.
Sure, the words might be what appear on the surface; but the argument and the source of pain, anger, or resentment isn’t really about the words if you stop to think about it.
The reality is that all these different arguments and all these conflicts have something in common – the same basic emotional pattern keeps going on underneath the surface.
By the way, proof that these emotional patterns can be seen when your relationship has been going great for a while... a man has been acting and responding to you differently… and then the “old” guy comes out again and acts the way he used to.
It’s at these times that you feel like for all the work that’s gone into your relationship, it hasn’t really grown one bit. And now you’re back at square one with him acting the way he used to when things were bad, when you thought things were different now.
But the truth is that there was an old negative emotional pattern between the both of you.Unfortunately, the mistake most women make is to believe this pattern only exists because of the man in their life doing something wrong, and them having to respond.
When in reality the negative emotional pattern going on in their relationship is, by definition, something that plays on the fears and frustrations of both sides.
There’s an old wise saying I always come back to:“It takes two.”A pattern exists between two people because both people play a part in perpetuating the cycle or the pattern they are experiencing.
It basically works like this - when one person acts one way to start a pattern, the other person has a common and predictable response that is exactly what pushes the pattern further along. That’s how patterns work and why they are patterns – they reinforce themselves.
That is why whatever each person in the pattern does, whether they believe they are right or wrong, they are actually adding energy to the negative and destructive nature of the pattern and reinforcing its strength and power over them.
Following me here?The point of this is… if you want to break a pattern in your relationship with a man, the only quick and fool-proof way to do so is to make sure you stop reinforcing the pattern and adding energy to it.
A common example of a negative pattern you can probably relate to is when a woman is frustrated that a man won’t open up. (being “closed” is a common male behavior that starts negative patterns in relationships)
When this happens, lots of women get frustrated and try to get the man to open up and listen and share… and without realizing it, they do it in a way that makes a man feel criticized for not being a good partner and knowing how to make her happy. (This is their emotional response or “feedback” that reinforces more of the negative emotional pattern within the man)
And so the man either gets angry or shuts down more.And then the woman has her own negative reaction to this.
And so continues the pattern… back and forth, from one to the other, triggering destructive behavior and responses on both sides.
Myth 3): “Listening” Means A Man Is Going To Be Happy With What You Have To Say
I doubt you realize it right now, but you have an amazing amount of power when it comes to affecting a man with your thoughts, words, and feelings.
An unbelievable amount of power and influence, actually. You just don’t realize it from where you are.Here’s a fascinating way to think about it.
Most men out there spend a large portion of their daily lives trying to be strong, focused, and unaffected by the problems and distractions of the world so that they can “be men” and strive for what they think of as “success”.
They engage in challenges, fights, negotiations, etc… all things that encourage men to make themselves less “vulnerable” to pain and emotional distress.
In a sense, men spend a lot of energy learning to “turn off” their sensitivity and get things done... and act as though it’s a ‘rite of passage’ and a ‘must’ for a man to be this way.
And in spite of all that, guess what?A woman can come along and instantly “undo” all that work a man has put into building up his strength and “invulnerability” with just a few words out of her mouth… and she can do so in a way that no amount of fighting, struggle, pain, etc. with anyone else but the woman he’s close to could ever bring about.
If that’s not power, I don’t know what is.Most women don’t realize and accept the power that their thoughts, feelings, and words have on the man in their life. In fact, they become fooled and blinded into thinking that they have no power at all because when they share their feelings with a man, he doesn’t respond in the way they expect or want him to.
This is kind of like thinking you can’t sing because you break all the glass in the room each time you let a note ring out.
The fact is that you are tremendously powerful when it comes to influencing a man with your thoughts, emotions, and words. You just need to learn to harness your power and use it to create the response you want.
Or to use our metaphor… if you’re singing along with a group of singers, it doesn’t matter how great you can hit the notes you want if you aren’t singing in the right key - you’re going to sound “off” and make the entire group sound awful as a result.
When you share your feelings with a man, he isn’t always supposed to accept everything you have to say, understand it all on the spot, and feel happy about it.
This isn’t how mature couples communicate.Often times, just like any human being, he will be “singing in his own key”, to use our metaphor again.
Unfortunately, women who are less mature or easily distracted or upset emotionally when they don’t get the response they want end up losing their cool and doing and saying things that are destructive to their relationship… When all the while when things didn’t look “perfect” on the surface, everything was working just fine. They just didn’t know what a real mature conversation looked like. And what it meant when a man was, in fact, being mature and “healthy” in the way he was communicating and responding.
There is a better way. A way that moves beyond the “tit-for-tat” dynamic at the heart of relationships that go from withdrawn, to argumentative, to making-up but not getting past what’s going on beneath the surface.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
I’m also sure you remember how fun and exciting it was when the two of you first met… how you were absolutely crazy about each other… and how communicating with each other was natural and easy…
But… as two people get to know each other better and become closer to one another, things change...
When you first meet a man, you are less likely to be judgmental of him… and less likely to get your feelings hurt by something he says or does.As a result, he’s more likely to be honest with you… and a lot more open to communication… because he’s not as worried that you will react negatively to him.
But as you grow closer together, things change…It’s only natural for you to become more judgmental of his actions and words, and for him to become more judgmental of yours.
This can create more barriers to solid, clear communication… as I’m sure you already know.Those little “annoyances” that people naturally begin to have about people they spend a lot of time with begin to start appearing… and experiences from past communications begin to mold future interactions…
This can lead to more dishonesty with each other… which often starts out as a “white lie”… and spirals into an all-out fight!For example… let’s say there was a time when you asked your man what he did the other night when you weren’t together… and he openly told you that he went out with his friends to a bar…
Upon hearing this, it’s very common for a woman to give him a little bit of “crap” for not taking her along… or maybe feel a little jealous and hint---or even flat out accuse him---of going out to meet other girls.
Think about how these behaviors can subconsciously “train” a man to act the next time he’s in a similar situation…The next time he goes out with the boys and you ask him about it later, even if he kept his eyes on the football game the entire time, it could make MORE sense to him to tell you what he feels is a “white lie”---maybe that he “stayed home”...simply because he doesn’t want you to get worked up!
But then the next day you find the receipt from his bar tab on the counter… and all hell breaks loose...Now… I’m not saying that you have personally done this particular thing to make your man resistant to communicating with you… this is just an example.
My point is, as if his upbringing wasn’t enough… there are all kinds of other things that make a man resistant to communication…
Some of them occur naturally in a relationship… and some of them you may be bringing about yourself.Your man may also have other external barriers to communication that you aren’t aware of… such as stress in other areas of his life… insecurities he has with himself… or even “baggage” from past relationships.
Either way in order to effectively communicate with your man, it’s important that you learn what his particular barriers to open communication are and how to help him overcome them in a way that makes him excited about doing it.
When you do this correctly, your man will not only listen to what you have to say… but also open up to you… and even begin to take an active interest in your feelings… every single day.
So what are the right ways to achieve this?
Well… unless you’ve been living in a cave, I’m sure you’ve heard what some of the so-called relationship “experts” have to say about this.
But the fact of the matter is…They are dead wrong.I’d like to share with you 3 all-too-common communication “myths”… techniques that are supposed to bring you and your man closer together by getting him to open up to you… but in reality… are almost guaranteed to push him farther away…
Let’s get right into it...Myth 1): Telling A Man Exactly How You Feel Is What’s Most Important
Is it important to share your feelings in your relationship?Absolutely. Doing so is what gives your relationship intimacy and depth and makes it real.
But do most of us do a good job saying how we feel when we’re upset, hurt, or frustrated by something and we really need someone else to hear us and lend us some understanding?
Absolutely not.Instead, we end up communicating in a way that not only keeps us from getting the response or outcome we want (having the other person understand us)… but it actually ends up making things worse.
Now, I get that it’s frustrating to think or feel like you can’t just “be yourself” with a man and share all your feelings with him. I know that if you don’t have the freedom to experience and express your feelings, or if a man won’t listen to you and try to understand you at all… then your relationship is going to feel like it’s a dead-end.
That’s why lots of women end up feeling like they have to “stuff” some of their emotions down inside themselves if they want to keep their relationship going with a man.
But the reality is that it doesn’t have to be this way, and you can share your feelings with a man and not have it back-fire on you… but only if you learn the right way to do it.
One of the reasons so many women have problems when they share their feelings isn’t just because men don’t “get it”. It’s because most of the “conventional wisdom” out there tells you that when you have a feeling (especially a negative one), you’re supposed to try and be clear about your feelings and say “I feel angry...” or “I feel sad…” or “I feel hurt”.
Some call this using “I statements”. This is a communication technique where you simply state the feelings you are having to start the conversation.
Well, have you ever tried this with a man? If so, did it get you the results you wanted?Exactly. Not even close.
You probably got either that blank, withdrawn, passive-aggressive response where he did nothing to acknowledge or respect your feelings… or you got that instantly angry or irritated “rejecting” response where he tried to turn your feelings back on you and blame you or criticize you for having them in the first place. As though you were being “too emotional” and making life unnecessarily difficult.
If you start using “I statements” and you weren’t using them before… you’re actually going to get a better response from the man in your life… at first. But you’re going to quickly end up right back where you started if you don’t know why “I statements” work… and the other critical pieces to good communication that have to go along with them… or else.
Try thinking of it this way...
If you wanted to lose some weight and firm up your waist, you might start doing sit-ups. And after sticking with your sit-up workout for weeks or months, you would expect some inches to drop from your waistline.
But what if you also had the habit of having several pieces of chocolate cake every day… and after doing your sit-ups, you ate some cake? Would you still lose the weight?
Obviously not. Sit-ups are only one part of what can help you lose weight… but they won’t get the job done on their own.
In other words, if you ignore all the other important components to weight loss… then even though you’re disciplined with your sit-up workout, you aren’t going to get the results you want.
Well… it’s the same with using “I statements”. They are a great technique or tool in communicating with a man, and you may even see some immediate short-term results.
But if you are still repeating your other bad habits (chocolate cake), you won’t really solve the problem and you’ll put the pounds right back on.
That’s why… by using “I statements”, you’ve only interrupted your old pattern of communication.
And when you just change your old pattern, you haven’t actually changed what’s been going on and being shared at a deeper level. You’ve only created a new pattern that rests on the same emotional patterns, and is therefore sure to find it’s way back to the same kind of rejecting or ignoring emotional responses you were getting in the past.
Myth 2): A Man Will Fix Your Negative Communication “Patterns” When He Finally “Opens Up”
In case you haven’t realized it yet, most couples have several very distinct patterns they play out over and over in their relationship.It might be a certain argument that keeps being “re-hashed”.
It might be a recurring source of conflict.Or it might be some bad experience from the past that keeps coming up.But part of the pattern always includes some way of coming back together in the end… until the next go round.
You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about if you picture in your mind a couple you know who fights a lot… and you look at what’s actually going on besides the words that they’re saying.
Sure, the words might be what appear on the surface; but the argument and the source of pain, anger, or resentment isn’t really about the words if you stop to think about it.
The reality is that all these different arguments and all these conflicts have something in common – the same basic emotional pattern keeps going on underneath the surface.
By the way, proof that these emotional patterns can be seen when your relationship has been going great for a while... a man has been acting and responding to you differently… and then the “old” guy comes out again and acts the way he used to.
It’s at these times that you feel like for all the work that’s gone into your relationship, it hasn’t really grown one bit. And now you’re back at square one with him acting the way he used to when things were bad, when you thought things were different now.
But the truth is that there was an old negative emotional pattern between the both of you.Unfortunately, the mistake most women make is to believe this pattern only exists because of the man in their life doing something wrong, and them having to respond.
When in reality the negative emotional pattern going on in their relationship is, by definition, something that plays on the fears and frustrations of both sides.
There’s an old wise saying I always come back to:“It takes two.”A pattern exists between two people because both people play a part in perpetuating the cycle or the pattern they are experiencing.
It basically works like this - when one person acts one way to start a pattern, the other person has a common and predictable response that is exactly what pushes the pattern further along. That’s how patterns work and why they are patterns – they reinforce themselves.
That is why whatever each person in the pattern does, whether they believe they are right or wrong, they are actually adding energy to the negative and destructive nature of the pattern and reinforcing its strength and power over them.
Following me here?The point of this is… if you want to break a pattern in your relationship with a man, the only quick and fool-proof way to do so is to make sure you stop reinforcing the pattern and adding energy to it.
A common example of a negative pattern you can probably relate to is when a woman is frustrated that a man won’t open up. (being “closed” is a common male behavior that starts negative patterns in relationships)
When this happens, lots of women get frustrated and try to get the man to open up and listen and share… and without realizing it, they do it in a way that makes a man feel criticized for not being a good partner and knowing how to make her happy. (This is their emotional response or “feedback” that reinforces more of the negative emotional pattern within the man)
And so the man either gets angry or shuts down more.And then the woman has her own negative reaction to this.
And so continues the pattern… back and forth, from one to the other, triggering destructive behavior and responses on both sides.
Myth 3): “Listening” Means A Man Is Going To Be Happy With What You Have To Say
I doubt you realize it right now, but you have an amazing amount of power when it comes to affecting a man with your thoughts, words, and feelings.
An unbelievable amount of power and influence, actually. You just don’t realize it from where you are.Here’s a fascinating way to think about it.
Most men out there spend a large portion of their daily lives trying to be strong, focused, and unaffected by the problems and distractions of the world so that they can “be men” and strive for what they think of as “success”.
They engage in challenges, fights, negotiations, etc… all things that encourage men to make themselves less “vulnerable” to pain and emotional distress.
In a sense, men spend a lot of energy learning to “turn off” their sensitivity and get things done... and act as though it’s a ‘rite of passage’ and a ‘must’ for a man to be this way.
And in spite of all that, guess what?A woman can come along and instantly “undo” all that work a man has put into building up his strength and “invulnerability” with just a few words out of her mouth… and she can do so in a way that no amount of fighting, struggle, pain, etc. with anyone else but the woman he’s close to could ever bring about.
If that’s not power, I don’t know what is.Most women don’t realize and accept the power that their thoughts, feelings, and words have on the man in their life. In fact, they become fooled and blinded into thinking that they have no power at all because when they share their feelings with a man, he doesn’t respond in the way they expect or want him to.
This is kind of like thinking you can’t sing because you break all the glass in the room each time you let a note ring out.
The fact is that you are tremendously powerful when it comes to influencing a man with your thoughts, emotions, and words. You just need to learn to harness your power and use it to create the response you want.
Or to use our metaphor… if you’re singing along with a group of singers, it doesn’t matter how great you can hit the notes you want if you aren’t singing in the right key - you’re going to sound “off” and make the entire group sound awful as a result.
When you share your feelings with a man, he isn’t always supposed to accept everything you have to say, understand it all on the spot, and feel happy about it.
This isn’t how mature couples communicate.Often times, just like any human being, he will be “singing in his own key”, to use our metaphor again.
Unfortunately, women who are less mature or easily distracted or upset emotionally when they don’t get the response they want end up losing their cool and doing and saying things that are destructive to their relationship… When all the while when things didn’t look “perfect” on the surface, everything was working just fine. They just didn’t know what a real mature conversation looked like. And what it meant when a man was, in fact, being mature and “healthy” in the way he was communicating and responding.
There is a better way. A way that moves beyond the “tit-for-tat” dynamic at the heart of relationships that go from withdrawn, to argumentative, to making-up but not getting past what’s going on beneath the surface.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
How The Way You CommunicateWith Him Determines Whether Or NotYOU Are “The One” For Him…
You know just how hard is it to get a man to open up to you… and here’s something else you need to know; you are not alone.
In fact… most men have so many barriers to open communication built up in their heads, there is a very good chance that your man has never opened up to a woman before.
Seriously. These barriers can be difficult to “crack”… especially for women who don’t know how…
Because of this, many men will go their entire lives without ever feeling like they have met someone who really understands them.
Remember: We men want to share our feelings, and have someone we can open up to...
And when we meet a woman who doesn’t know how to make us feel comfortable doing so… we get just as frustrated as you do… we just show it in a different way…
That said… it’s vitally important that you understand this one simple thing:
A man wants to communicate with you… but he needs your help!
If you can be the one woman a guy has been involved with who actually can connect with him on a deep, intimate level… it can be a very powerful and unique experience for a man…
I’m talking about something he has never experienced before.And when you are the one woman with whom he can have this amazing experience… a very powerful thing begins to happen inside of him…
Your man will see you not only as his lover and partner… but as his soul mate... the one woman on earth who has helped him release all of those feelings and frustrations he’s “bottled up” inside of him over all of those years… and the one woman he can truly connect with.
And fortunately… making a man feel comfortable and open to sharing his feelings with you can actually be easy… when you know the right way to overcome the barriers to communication that are built up in his mind…
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
In fact… most men have so many barriers to open communication built up in their heads, there is a very good chance that your man has never opened up to a woman before.
Seriously. These barriers can be difficult to “crack”… especially for women who don’t know how…
Because of this, many men will go their entire lives without ever feeling like they have met someone who really understands them.
Remember: We men want to share our feelings, and have someone we can open up to...
And when we meet a woman who doesn’t know how to make us feel comfortable doing so… we get just as frustrated as you do… we just show it in a different way…
That said… it’s vitally important that you understand this one simple thing:
A man wants to communicate with you… but he needs your help!
If you can be the one woman a guy has been involved with who actually can connect with him on a deep, intimate level… it can be a very powerful and unique experience for a man…
I’m talking about something he has never experienced before.And when you are the one woman with whom he can have this amazing experience… a very powerful thing begins to happen inside of him…
Your man will see you not only as his lover and partner… but as his soul mate... the one woman on earth who has helped him release all of those feelings and frustrations he’s “bottled up” inside of him over all of those years… and the one woman he can truly connect with.
And fortunately… making a man feel comfortable and open to sharing his feelings with you can actually be easy… when you know the right way to overcome the barriers to communication that are built up in his mind…
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Monday, March 9, 2009
How To Make Him Fall In Love With You
Dear Reader,
If you want to make a man fall in love with you... Or you want to get that "spark" back in your relationship, check this out-There is one thing that is likely holding you back from the relationship of your dreams: you. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain.What if you, your thoughts and your actions were the biggest obstacle to letting love into your life?
And what if the most certain and fool-proof way to make sure you attract the right man and create the right relationship didn't have anything to do with spending your time trying to figure out what’s going on with him... But instead had everything to do with what was going on inside of you?
When it comes to love and relationships, if you haven't laid the groundwork for yourself first, odds are you're not going to experience any kind of lasting love and happiness- no matter how "perfect" your man is, or how hard you try to make your relationship work.In fact, the harder you try, the farther love and a fun and "flowing" relationship will move away from you. Why is this? The short answer is that love is not a destination.
Love is not something that you'll one day "get right" and arrive at and enjoy forever. You can't force love to come together and take place- especially with a man. Love is a process. And so are relationships.
And because of this, love requires that if you want the best possible relationship... then you have to engage in love from the best possible place within yourself, everyday.What you give really is what you get, like it or not.
This is part of the secret of creating and sharing an amazing level of love and affection in your life with a man- You have to bring your very best self to everything you do with a man, and in your relationship.
And that includes not just what you say and do around a man... but the feelings and emotions you go on inside you that are what drives what you say and do with a man.
Your relationship with a man is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, and the feelings and emotions you carry inside.What are you carrying inside that you can't or don't want to talk about or share?How is this really at the heart of what's holding you back and getting in your way.
The strangest part is, what seems like the thing that will hurt the most (confronting the things we don't want to think about)... is the very thing that will set us free and open us up to something bigger and better.
If you're carrying fear and pain from your past, then you'll create distance between you and a man... and you'll unknowingly push him away with your worries and anxiety.
But...If you show up everyday with an open, loving, and compassionate heart... and you radiate the things that are part of your "best self"... a man won't be able to keep himself from being drawn to you- and you'll attract him effortlessly from the inside out.
And when you can do this, you'll be amazed at how quickly even the most difficult and impossible seeming situations suddenly turn into moments of learning, growth, and deeper connection.
"Disagreements" turn into opportunities where you and a man learn more about how you both really feel and start understanding each other better.
"Fights" turn into ways that you both break out of your old patterns and grow incredible new connections.
"Uncertainty" turns into the very essence of the excitement that keeps you both coming back to each other to learn and discover more... and move to deeper levels of love and appreciation.
But you can't even begin to get there and turn these things around in your relationship if you haven’t put yourself in the right "state" first.
You have to put yourself in the right place in your heart and mind before a man is going to experience the kind of love and attraction he needs to feel with you for your relationship to grow close and last.
This amazing program will help you overcome the personal challenges that are keeping you from experiencing true love and intimacy. And it will help you do it right away.
You'll learn how to let go of the painful stories that still cause you heartache and pain, even in new relationships. You'll learn how to break the self-destructive habits that are making it impossible for you to create an open, loving relationship with a man.
You'll learn how to rid your life of the insecurity, worry, and hesitation that often drives men away but you don't feel like you can do anything about.
Let me help you discover a way to regain your own feminine "power" and shift your mindset from looking for the right guy to being the right woman who is ready to welcome love into her life and a man can't resist.
Because if you wait around for a man to be the one to help you get your heart, your mind, and your love life together... you might be waiting a while.
So, take the time to be in the right place for yourself first... and the right man and the right relationship will follow. I know it.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love, I want to know how I can improve my materials even more and help you live the life filled with love and joy you deserve.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of "Top 10"questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
If you want to make a man fall in love with you... Or you want to get that "spark" back in your relationship, check this out-There is one thing that is likely holding you back from the relationship of your dreams: you. I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain.What if you, your thoughts and your actions were the biggest obstacle to letting love into your life?
And what if the most certain and fool-proof way to make sure you attract the right man and create the right relationship didn't have anything to do with spending your time trying to figure out what’s going on with him... But instead had everything to do with what was going on inside of you?
When it comes to love and relationships, if you haven't laid the groundwork for yourself first, odds are you're not going to experience any kind of lasting love and happiness- no matter how "perfect" your man is, or how hard you try to make your relationship work.In fact, the harder you try, the farther love and a fun and "flowing" relationship will move away from you. Why is this? The short answer is that love is not a destination.
Love is not something that you'll one day "get right" and arrive at and enjoy forever. You can't force love to come together and take place- especially with a man. Love is a process. And so are relationships.
And because of this, love requires that if you want the best possible relationship... then you have to engage in love from the best possible place within yourself, everyday.What you give really is what you get, like it or not.
This is part of the secret of creating and sharing an amazing level of love and affection in your life with a man- You have to bring your very best self to everything you do with a man, and in your relationship.
And that includes not just what you say and do around a man... but the feelings and emotions you go on inside you that are what drives what you say and do with a man.
Your relationship with a man is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, and the feelings and emotions you carry inside.What are you carrying inside that you can't or don't want to talk about or share?How is this really at the heart of what's holding you back and getting in your way.
The strangest part is, what seems like the thing that will hurt the most (confronting the things we don't want to think about)... is the very thing that will set us free and open us up to something bigger and better.
If you're carrying fear and pain from your past, then you'll create distance between you and a man... and you'll unknowingly push him away with your worries and anxiety.
But...If you show up everyday with an open, loving, and compassionate heart... and you radiate the things that are part of your "best self"... a man won't be able to keep himself from being drawn to you- and you'll attract him effortlessly from the inside out.
And when you can do this, you'll be amazed at how quickly even the most difficult and impossible seeming situations suddenly turn into moments of learning, growth, and deeper connection.
"Disagreements" turn into opportunities where you and a man learn more about how you both really feel and start understanding each other better.
"Fights" turn into ways that you both break out of your old patterns and grow incredible new connections.
"Uncertainty" turns into the very essence of the excitement that keeps you both coming back to each other to learn and discover more... and move to deeper levels of love and appreciation.
But you can't even begin to get there and turn these things around in your relationship if you haven’t put yourself in the right "state" first.
You have to put yourself in the right place in your heart and mind before a man is going to experience the kind of love and attraction he needs to feel with you for your relationship to grow close and last.
This amazing program will help you overcome the personal challenges that are keeping you from experiencing true love and intimacy. And it will help you do it right away.
You'll learn how to let go of the painful stories that still cause you heartache and pain, even in new relationships. You'll learn how to break the self-destructive habits that are making it impossible for you to create an open, loving relationship with a man.
You'll learn how to rid your life of the insecurity, worry, and hesitation that often drives men away but you don't feel like you can do anything about.
Let me help you discover a way to regain your own feminine "power" and shift your mindset from looking for the right guy to being the right woman who is ready to welcome love into her life and a man can't resist.
Because if you wait around for a man to be the one to help you get your heart, your mind, and your love life together... you might be waiting a while.
So, take the time to be in the right place for yourself first... and the right man and the right relationship will follow. I know it.
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love, I want to know how I can improve my materials even more and help you live the life filled with love and joy you deserve.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of "Top 10"questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Why Men Sleep With Women Then Pull Away The Next Day?
Hi,
This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently read an article from my blog.I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.
She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?
And what to do about it?Keep reading...Question From A Reader Hi Dukentaxer,
I've just read your blog post..I'm from South Africa and I appreciated your blog so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwords, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?I feel so disappointed about my actions.Dukentaxer, please help me...Best regards,RZ from South Africa
My Response:I want to give you a big hug... and then a good slap.Ok, listen closely.I'm about to share something with you that I want you to never, ever forget.It's the reality about how most men work when dating.Ready?
A man will never see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.And guess what?You're dating a man.So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.
Got it?Ok, good.Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.
You're not entirely innocent.Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?
Giving away your “self” to a man.I've got an important question for you...Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?
The answer...You did. Cut it out. And I'll bet I know why you did it.I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.
You're seeking his approval in the worst kind of way.You're waiting and wanting him to show you that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.
That way you can surrender to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he feels with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
It's time.It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY more important.
What you really want. I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.So, sorry for asking but...What the hell are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what not to do, to learning what to do.
Love, sex and the mind of the “masculine man.You need a lesson on who a man really is.There are fascinating biological reasons for why men act the way they do. But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.The masculine energy is very different.The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.
Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way. It's “conventional wisdom”.But most people don't really know why men act this way.Here's my favorite way of explaining it...Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place. The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.Bizarre and fascinating...Ok, back to Earth.How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love
But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.Whoa... Heavy stuff.Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.He will think you're crazy - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.
This is for you to know and to work with.So back to you.... Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.Yeah, I know. Men are crazy and messed up and different.But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they learn and become aware.
Or...If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation;let's tie it all together.Here's the thing...
A man will never see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and approval.Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.The real problem now is something entirely different.Sleeping or being physical with a man is not a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.Anyways...So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.
What you need to know is there;and read, re-read and put it to use this time!.But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.They want someone that they want.
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man feel this way.So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.
There's a drive in men that makes them want to be challenged... and to overcome that challenge. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.
Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.Men deal with this in one of two ways:
A).They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term
B).They find connection and love by physically and emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way.Here's the amazing part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.Interesting.The point is, men love the chase.Some men might tell you that they don't.They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.They love it in their feelings and emotions.It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks his approval or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to win her over and to be with her, then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional control to him.
Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man. It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION:Men want to feel attraction.And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.
They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to feel their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man feel attraction for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.I talk about the very best ways to create great experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with intense desire and attraction.And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Have time to go through my blog and In it there are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share. He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of Top questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently read an article from my blog.I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.
She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?
And what to do about it?Keep reading...Question From A Reader Hi Dukentaxer,
I've just read your blog post..I'm from South Africa and I appreciated your blog so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwords, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?I feel so disappointed about my actions.Dukentaxer, please help me...Best regards,RZ from South Africa
My Response:I want to give you a big hug... and then a good slap.Ok, listen closely.I'm about to share something with you that I want you to never, ever forget.It's the reality about how most men work when dating.Ready?
A man will never see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.And guess what?You're dating a man.So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.
Got it?Ok, good.Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.
You're not entirely innocent.Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?
Giving away your “self” to a man.I've got an important question for you...Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?
The answer...You did. Cut it out. And I'll bet I know why you did it.I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.
You're seeking his approval in the worst kind of way.You're waiting and wanting him to show you that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.
That way you can surrender to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he feels with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
It's time.It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY more important.
What you really want. I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.So, sorry for asking but...What the hell are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what not to do, to learning what to do.
Love, sex and the mind of the “masculine man.You need a lesson on who a man really is.There are fascinating biological reasons for why men act the way they do. But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.The masculine energy is very different.The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.
Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way. It's “conventional wisdom”.But most people don't really know why men act this way.Here's my favorite way of explaining it...Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place. The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.Bizarre and fascinating...Ok, back to Earth.How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love
But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.Whoa... Heavy stuff.Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.He will think you're crazy - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.
This is for you to know and to work with.So back to you.... Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.Yeah, I know. Men are crazy and messed up and different.But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they learn and become aware.
Or...If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation;let's tie it all together.Here's the thing...
A man will never see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and approval.Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.The real problem now is something entirely different.Sleeping or being physical with a man is not a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.Anyways...So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.
What you need to know is there;and read, re-read and put it to use this time!.But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.They want someone that they want.
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man feel this way.So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.
There's a drive in men that makes them want to be challenged... and to overcome that challenge. I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.
Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.Men deal with this in one of two ways:
A).They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term
B).They find connection and love by physically and emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way.Here's the amazing part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.Interesting.The point is, men love the chase.Some men might tell you that they don't.They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.They love it in their feelings and emotions.It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks his approval or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to win her over and to be with her, then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional control to him.
Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man. It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION:Men want to feel attraction.And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.
They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to feel their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man feel attraction for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.I talk about the very best ways to create great experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with intense desire and attraction.And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Have time to go through my blog and In it there are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share. He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.
P.S.One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of Top questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
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