You as Woman,the thing you must know about your life is that you have choices. You have options. You have rights. You are not a belonging, you are not ruled by emotions, you are ruled by common sense. However,after enduring abuse we tend to disregard our common sense and logical thoughts - and let our emotions rule our life. This is the trap that keeps you hooked.
Yet,there is hope.There is promise to a better life and a freedom above and beyond emotional and psychological imprisonment.When power,control,and violence become the prevalent modes of resolving conflicts, abuse takes place.
If you are the victim of abuse any kind of abuse you should face the facts that you can't see while caught in the 'trap' of abuse you are not responsible. The abuser may take out his rage on you, but do not make the common mistake of taking 'ownership' over their rage. It is not yours, it is theirs.
Give it back to them and stop playing God! And remember, what is upsetting to the abuser goes deeper and beyond what you see. No, it isn't about how you cooked dinner, or that you forget to pick up the dry cleaning, or that the man in the corner of the restaurant 'looked' at you. You are just the doorway he needs to vent. By placing blame at your feet he is doing one of two things.
1). He is attempting to control you.
2). He is attempting to turn his own shame outward by directing it onto others rather you.
This abolishes him from the inner turmoil and self-doubts that rage through his veins.
Well,you ask,'what about therapy?' What about it?! Therapy doesn't work in most cases. In fact, therapy is usually sought by the abuser simply as another means to 'control' you. They have absolutely no intention of seeking help, because they have absolutely no intention of doing anything - but keeping you.
The sad truth is, abusers very rarely, if ever, stop their abusive ways. They swear they will, they promise anything. But usually all this means is the next time the abuse will be worse - because the next time they know that you may just leave them this time, after this 'last' and 'final' break of their promise.
Fact - get out.
Fiction - things can change if you just love them harder and try to get to the root of the problem.
Fact - you can not get them help. You can only get you help.
But how many times have you heard this? You are like the teenager who has grown up with the repeated advice that drugs are bad yet continue to try them out anyway.
Why? Could facts, experience, proof, and life's little instruction book only apply to other people? Are you special? Different? Is your abuser special and different from other abusers? Don't kid yourself! Drugs kill. Abusers kill. Those are the cold-hard facts and ...yes ...they do apply to you.
It is up to you to take the action required to remove yourself, and your children if applicable, from any abusive situation. That is the only way possible to help the abuser. As long as you are there the atmosphere is unhealthy, the abuse escalates, the abuser becomes more aware of having a 'problem', the abuser denies responsibility for 'the problem',the abuser redirects the problem onto you. The abuser has no need to change.
Do not believe the abuser when he claims the abuse is your fault. Never! And let's just say for the sake of saying that it is your fault. That you are a loser, a bad housewife, ignorant, stupid, forgetful, worthless, inconsiderate ,whatever does that justify abuse?
NO! If my 11-year-old cousin was mentally handicapped would I be justified in abusing him? NO! My dog is not very intelligent and he chewed my slipper. Can I beat the dog? NO! Abuse is never justified. Never called for. Never excused. Never reasoned away.
Abuse is abuse. Part of our rights as a human is to demand respect and to give respect in return. Physically, emotionally, verbally, or mentally abusive behavior demonstrates the highest level of disrespect. This is the man who loves you sooo much, but is just 'confused'? Quit kidding yourself. That's not love.
That is an ill, sick person who clings to you with desperation one minute, and pulls you by the hair out onto the front lawn the next. Wake up!
More on the same in my next post...
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life. Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
The Shocking Facts About Women In Relationships
Did You Know that;
1). Over 1,300 women are killed each year by their husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends
2). An estimated three to four million women each year silently endure abuse or travel to hospital emergency rooms following an assault by their husbands or partners
3). In Canada ALONE, 1 woman is killed every 3 days by a man known to her
4). Nationwide, every 15 seconds a women is beaten, every three minutes a woman is raped, every six hours a women is killed
5). Domestic violence is the NUMBER ONE cause of emergency-room visits by women nationwide
6). Eighty-eight percent of women in prison are victims of domestic violence
7). More than 3 million children witness acts of domestic violence nationwide every year
8). Children of abused mothers are six times as likely to attempt suicide and 50 percent more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol
Well,whether emotional, verbal, mental, physical, or a combination of all abuse wears you down. You go from a happy, care-free woman {remember those days before him} to days of consuming feelings of resentment,anger,depression and growing insecurity. When you look into the mirror you see a shell of a person, with no life left in their eyes. Go right now and look in the mirror {you'll be surprised to see the 'life' is no longer there. You are empty. Hollow. This relationship is not making you a 'whole' person, it is making you a 'non-person'.
Is there anything you can do about it? Check it out in my MUST READ next post!
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life. Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
1). Over 1,300 women are killed each year by their husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends
2). An estimated three to four million women each year silently endure abuse or travel to hospital emergency rooms following an assault by their husbands or partners
3). In Canada ALONE, 1 woman is killed every 3 days by a man known to her
4). Nationwide, every 15 seconds a women is beaten, every three minutes a woman is raped, every six hours a women is killed
5). Domestic violence is the NUMBER ONE cause of emergency-room visits by women nationwide
6). Eighty-eight percent of women in prison are victims of domestic violence
7). More than 3 million children witness acts of domestic violence nationwide every year
8). Children of abused mothers are six times as likely to attempt suicide and 50 percent more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol
Well,whether emotional, verbal, mental, physical, or a combination of all abuse wears you down. You go from a happy, care-free woman {remember those days before him} to days of consuming feelings of resentment,anger,depression and growing insecurity. When you look into the mirror you see a shell of a person, with no life left in their eyes. Go right now and look in the mirror {you'll be surprised to see the 'life' is no longer there. You are empty. Hollow. This relationship is not making you a 'whole' person, it is making you a 'non-person'.
Is there anything you can do about it? Check it out in my MUST READ next post!
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life. Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Why Men Leave Then Want You Back?
Welcome,
If you've had a man coming in and out of your life who's breaking your heart and then trying to make it better and get you back.And you want to understand why this keeps happening and what to do about it, then it's time you understood what it is that makes a man ready to truly commit to you, or not. And so you know.If you're trying to save your relationship,instead of addressing the real reasons your guy keeps backing out and getting scared in the first place, you're going to get nowhere and you'll likely keep having the same problems with him.
But if you want to know the signs of when a good man is ready to commit, and what makes a man suddenly "wake up" and realize the amazing woman he's got right in front of him, to where he won't ever want to be without you again.
I wanted to share a couple of personal questions I got from women who might be in a situation like yours.If you're in a relationship but having trouble taking things to the next level because your man doesn't seem to care where things go next.Or you find yourself losing your cool in your relationship and accidentally pushing your man away.Then do not miss out reading this short tip-filled e-mail.
### E-mail From A Reader ###
Hi,
My name is C.K. and I am looking for you advice that would be best for my situation. I have been following your blog post and they have been very helpful to me in my love life. They have brought me so much understanding and help.I am truly thankful for all your work because I believe it led to getting my ex boyfriend back as well as teaching me invaluable things I needed to know about relationships and men.
Well,although I am back with the man I love and learned great things that helped I still have a few problem area's that I need help with. Me and the man I love met over three years ago and have never been engaged. I am 31 years old and he is 35. We
have never lived together. there is no current plans to get married soon, and that bothers me. I really don't know the best way to go about asking him what his plans are as to if he is going to marry me. he shows me he cares in a lot of ways but I am not sure he wants to be with me forever and really loves me the way I love him. I
am scared if I bring it up it will push him away. I don't want to force him into anything. We are both getting older and been going out along time.Please help me to go about this problem?
On the other hand,my family and friends tell me that if he isn't going to marry me soon I should find a guy who will. I love this man a lot and don't want to
loose him but I also don't want to feel I am not worthy of being his wife, fiancee or a serious commitment from him. He wants to see me and makes that effort to try and do things with and for me.
Another problem is although I feel he loves me and I know I love him but he never tells me he loves me. I feel he shows he loves me but it hurts for him not to tell me he does. I don't tell him I love him because I am scared it might scare him
away. It took a lot to get him back. he did leave me a few times. The advice I got from your blog helped get him back with me. Now I am looking to take the next step to have it go further. Like I said. I am scared to confront him about marriage and where our future is going because I don't know the best way to go about it without being needy or demanding. Please help me!! Sincerely,C.K.
###My Response To Her ####
C.K---Well,this might sound strange with all that I talk about around not being needy and demanding.But yours is a difference case.You need to be more selfish.Here's why.You are "worthy", and for the love you give,you deserve a man who is ready and willing to share the same in return.
You should never be afraid to want what you want in your life.And that's doubly true when it comes to your love life.The fact that you want a close and loving relationship that consists of a longer-term commitment and marriage is great.
You deserve what you want, and you are in no way a "needy" woman for wanting that.
So don't confuse your dreams and desires with being needy or demanding - even if men try and tell you differently.Life is way too short to not follow your heart and be with a man who doesn't fully meet you and share the love you're capable of.
But wanting something, and how you go about it, are two different things.Do not forget this - it's important!Before you try and talk more to the man in your life about marriage, there's something you need to address first.Here goes.You need to feel more comfortable with the fact that it's ok for you to have marriage as a
priority.Why?
Because when you have that funny feeling in your stomach that your man is going to somehow "punish" you or withdraw just because you talk about what your dreams and your vision of love is, it's almost impossible for what you want to come out in a way that's calm, centered, and helps you create what you want with him.
When you're freaked out at the thought of what might go wrong by talking to him about it, and you're imagining all the bad things that might happen, you've already created distance between you and him, and you're sure to get a bad reaction from him. Here's a little secret.The more comfortable and confident you feel about yourself, your life, and asking for what you want, the more comfortable other people (your man) are going to be with hearing from you.
And the more likely you are to start getting what you want.But when you're already wound up in your head and nervous, guilty, upset or anxious about talking to your man about something, the entire context of your conversation becomes something that feels heavy and negative.
And there's no more certain way to have a man shut down emotionally than coming to him and starting a conversation with a flood of your own frustrations and fears. When what you really want is for him to see you, see your love, and begin to imagine with you all the amazing things that are possible in your future.
So what are you showing him? Let me ask you something important.How honest are you being? How honest are you with him, and how honest are you being with yourself? To have your relationship grow, you need to be more honest about what it is that you're feeling,and what it is that you really want.
Otherwise, there's no hope for your relationship to grow - because you aren't putting more of your true self and your heart into it.Of course, this requires you to be vulnerable.Vulnerable to be truly honest.Vulnerable to show him who you really are, and what you really want.
And vulnerable enough to risk hearing "No" if the truth of your relationship is that marriage isn't in the cards with this man.Are you clear enough about what marriage is to you and why you want it that you're ready to tell him that you want marriage, and risk hearing "No" if that's his truth? You have a choice here.
You can keep wanting marriage, and try indirect ways of getting him to want it with you translation - play games. Or you can take a long hard look at your life,your relationship, and what it is you really want and be brave enough talk about it and to go after it even if it hurts a bit more in the short run.Remember, you can't make a man want marriage but you sure can make a man really want you.
And if marriage is something you are clear and comfortable with wanting, and you let your man know that to be with you he has to start to be clear about wanting it with you, then things are going to start going your way. But remember, once you share what you want,don't make the mistake of trying to convince your man to want what you want, or blame or hurt him when he tells you he doesn't want exactly what you say you want.Pleading, convincing or demanding never works with men.
Instead, once you start being clear and honest,you need to lead your relationship to the next level with the things that have the power to take your man there with you.And those things are connection and attraction.A man doesn't just commit to a woman and marriage because it makes sense, or it's the right thing to do and she wants him to.At least not in good, happy, healthy marriages that last!
A man commits to a woman because he feels such a deep and intense level of attraction for her that he can't imagine feeling the same way with any other woman.And he's ready and willing to commit his life and his love to you because he doesn't ever want to lose you and the incredible way you make him feel when he's around you.
For my very best tips and secrets about what makes a man feel that magic emotion called attraction that's deeper than just the casual everyday Physical Attraction a man can feel for any good looking woman.Try to go through my previous post on how you are going to build, the connection and attraction that will have your man begging you to be with him, and only him, forever.
Oh, and attraction isn't the only thing that matters.But it's often the most important thing if a man isn't taking things to the next level with you.Do some soul searching and find a way to get comfortable wanting what you want.Then you need to find a way to share what you want in a loving and honest way with your man more of a statement of what you want and not what you expect or demand from him.
Demands and entitlements don't work with men, and they don't work with love.In the meantime, here's what's equally as important. Don't forget to live a great life with him and build and share all kinds of intense and amazing love and attraction in the meantime.If you do, then I know he won't be able to think of anything else than being with you, and only you.And let me know how it goes.
TO BE CONTINUED....................
I will talk to you again soon. Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.Best of luck in life and love!
If you've had a man coming in and out of your life who's breaking your heart and then trying to make it better and get you back.And you want to understand why this keeps happening and what to do about it, then it's time you understood what it is that makes a man ready to truly commit to you, or not. And so you know.If you're trying to save your relationship,instead of addressing the real reasons your guy keeps backing out and getting scared in the first place, you're going to get nowhere and you'll likely keep having the same problems with him.
But if you want to know the signs of when a good man is ready to commit, and what makes a man suddenly "wake up" and realize the amazing woman he's got right in front of him, to where he won't ever want to be without you again.
I wanted to share a couple of personal questions I got from women who might be in a situation like yours.If you're in a relationship but having trouble taking things to the next level because your man doesn't seem to care where things go next.Or you find yourself losing your cool in your relationship and accidentally pushing your man away.Then do not miss out reading this short tip-filled e-mail.
### E-mail From A Reader ###
Hi,
My name is C.K. and I am looking for you advice that would be best for my situation. I have been following your blog post and they have been very helpful to me in my love life. They have brought me so much understanding and help.I am truly thankful for all your work because I believe it led to getting my ex boyfriend back as well as teaching me invaluable things I needed to know about relationships and men.
Well,although I am back with the man I love and learned great things that helped I still have a few problem area's that I need help with. Me and the man I love met over three years ago and have never been engaged. I am 31 years old and he is 35. We
have never lived together. there is no current plans to get married soon, and that bothers me. I really don't know the best way to go about asking him what his plans are as to if he is going to marry me. he shows me he cares in a lot of ways but I am not sure he wants to be with me forever and really loves me the way I love him. I
am scared if I bring it up it will push him away. I don't want to force him into anything. We are both getting older and been going out along time.Please help me to go about this problem?
On the other hand,my family and friends tell me that if he isn't going to marry me soon I should find a guy who will. I love this man a lot and don't want to
loose him but I also don't want to feel I am not worthy of being his wife, fiancee or a serious commitment from him. He wants to see me and makes that effort to try and do things with and for me.
Another problem is although I feel he loves me and I know I love him but he never tells me he loves me. I feel he shows he loves me but it hurts for him not to tell me he does. I don't tell him I love him because I am scared it might scare him
away. It took a lot to get him back. he did leave me a few times. The advice I got from your blog helped get him back with me. Now I am looking to take the next step to have it go further. Like I said. I am scared to confront him about marriage and where our future is going because I don't know the best way to go about it without being needy or demanding. Please help me!! Sincerely,C.K.
###My Response To Her ####
C.K---Well,this might sound strange with all that I talk about around not being needy and demanding.But yours is a difference case.You need to be more selfish.Here's why.You are "worthy", and for the love you give,you deserve a man who is ready and willing to share the same in return.
You should never be afraid to want what you want in your life.And that's doubly true when it comes to your love life.The fact that you want a close and loving relationship that consists of a longer-term commitment and marriage is great.
You deserve what you want, and you are in no way a "needy" woman for wanting that.
So don't confuse your dreams and desires with being needy or demanding - even if men try and tell you differently.Life is way too short to not follow your heart and be with a man who doesn't fully meet you and share the love you're capable of.
But wanting something, and how you go about it, are two different things.Do not forget this - it's important!Before you try and talk more to the man in your life about marriage, there's something you need to address first.Here goes.You need to feel more comfortable with the fact that it's ok for you to have marriage as a
priority.Why?
Because when you have that funny feeling in your stomach that your man is going to somehow "punish" you or withdraw just because you talk about what your dreams and your vision of love is, it's almost impossible for what you want to come out in a way that's calm, centered, and helps you create what you want with him.
When you're freaked out at the thought of what might go wrong by talking to him about it, and you're imagining all the bad things that might happen, you've already created distance between you and him, and you're sure to get a bad reaction from him. Here's a little secret.The more comfortable and confident you feel about yourself, your life, and asking for what you want, the more comfortable other people (your man) are going to be with hearing from you.
And the more likely you are to start getting what you want.But when you're already wound up in your head and nervous, guilty, upset or anxious about talking to your man about something, the entire context of your conversation becomes something that feels heavy and negative.
And there's no more certain way to have a man shut down emotionally than coming to him and starting a conversation with a flood of your own frustrations and fears. When what you really want is for him to see you, see your love, and begin to imagine with you all the amazing things that are possible in your future.
So what are you showing him? Let me ask you something important.How honest are you being? How honest are you with him, and how honest are you being with yourself? To have your relationship grow, you need to be more honest about what it is that you're feeling,and what it is that you really want.
Otherwise, there's no hope for your relationship to grow - because you aren't putting more of your true self and your heart into it.Of course, this requires you to be vulnerable.Vulnerable to be truly honest.Vulnerable to show him who you really are, and what you really want.
And vulnerable enough to risk hearing "No" if the truth of your relationship is that marriage isn't in the cards with this man.Are you clear enough about what marriage is to you and why you want it that you're ready to tell him that you want marriage, and risk hearing "No" if that's his truth? You have a choice here.
You can keep wanting marriage, and try indirect ways of getting him to want it with you translation - play games. Or you can take a long hard look at your life,your relationship, and what it is you really want and be brave enough talk about it and to go after it even if it hurts a bit more in the short run.Remember, you can't make a man want marriage but you sure can make a man really want you.
And if marriage is something you are clear and comfortable with wanting, and you let your man know that to be with you he has to start to be clear about wanting it with you, then things are going to start going your way. But remember, once you share what you want,don't make the mistake of trying to convince your man to want what you want, or blame or hurt him when he tells you he doesn't want exactly what you say you want.Pleading, convincing or demanding never works with men.
Instead, once you start being clear and honest,you need to lead your relationship to the next level with the things that have the power to take your man there with you.And those things are connection and attraction.A man doesn't just commit to a woman and marriage because it makes sense, or it's the right thing to do and she wants him to.At least not in good, happy, healthy marriages that last!
A man commits to a woman because he feels such a deep and intense level of attraction for her that he can't imagine feeling the same way with any other woman.And he's ready and willing to commit his life and his love to you because he doesn't ever want to lose you and the incredible way you make him feel when he's around you.
For my very best tips and secrets about what makes a man feel that magic emotion called attraction that's deeper than just the casual everyday Physical Attraction a man can feel for any good looking woman.Try to go through my previous post on how you are going to build, the connection and attraction that will have your man begging you to be with him, and only him, forever.
Oh, and attraction isn't the only thing that matters.But it's often the most important thing if a man isn't taking things to the next level with you.Do some soul searching and find a way to get comfortable wanting what you want.Then you need to find a way to share what you want in a loving and honest way with your man more of a statement of what you want and not what you expect or demand from him.
Demands and entitlements don't work with men, and they don't work with love.In the meantime, here's what's equally as important. Don't forget to live a great life with him and build and share all kinds of intense and amazing love and attraction in the meantime.If you do, then I know he won't be able to think of anything else than being with you, and only you.And let me know how it goes.
TO BE CONTINUED....................
I will talk to you again soon. Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.Best of luck in life and love!
Monday, January 18, 2010
He "Needs Space"- What It Really Means
Welcome,
Do you know what it means when your boyfriend gets quiet, "zones out" and acts like he doesn't want to talk to you? One minute everything feels great and you're laughing and connecting and the next minute some weird "mood" comes over him and he goes off into his own little world.
Or maybe your relationship is chugging along at full speed, getting closer and closer, and suddenly you feel like YOU are the only one reaching out and connecting...and he is just sitting there? What's up with that? Why do men do this?
If this has ever happened to you, I want you to know that it's critical for you to know why - and what to do about it and what to avoid doing at all costs.
I need you to pay attention here;Because this is important,How you react in a situation like this can mean the difference between him knowing the one woman who can make him happy, or feeling unsure about the future of your relationship.Let me know share a question I recently received from a reader about a situation just like this.
$$$$$$READER'S QUIZ$$$$$
Dear Duken,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost one year and we are very serious about each other. We are even talking about marriage and we have already moved in together.So what's the problem you ask?
Even after all this time, I still find myself trying to figure out what he's thinking sometimes.Sometimes he's a mystery to me, why he does and says some of the things he does, and this scares me a lot and makes me crazy since we are so serious about each other.
For instance, sometimes he just gets quiet and won't talk to me. And it doesn't have to be anything going wrong like a fight or anything for this to happen.He says that he needs his alone time, but I sense that it's because of something I have done that makes him shut down. I'd really like to fix it if I could. I wish I knew how to read these things better or if I even should be reading anything into it at all. Help me out? ...S*
$$$$$ MY COMMENT $$$$$$
I can help you.First of all, I have some good news for you.You can relax.From what I'm hearing about your situation, there is nothing abnormal or wrong with what is happening between you and your boyfriend.
The fact that he's telling you he needs "alone time" doesn't have anything to do with how he feels about you and your "serious" relationship.It has everything to do with how a man approaches relationships, his own "down time" and the "up time" when he is with you.
Many women believe that when a man acts "disengaged" it is because he's not happy, or he's unsatisfied, or he doesn't want to be with you and wants to be with someone else.Not so!As a matter of fact, thinking that there's something wrong with the relationship when a man gets quiet is one of what I call the "Man Myths" that a lot of women believe about men.
The way your boyfriend is behaving is typical and to be expected of a man in a relationship.It doesn't mean something is wrong...for example:Has your guy ever done this? Made plans to spend a night alone with "the guys" after several intense and romantic days with youGo and "zone out" in front of the T.V. or computer after dinner or after a long conversation with you, and acts irritated when you try to interrupt him
Spend huge chunks of time on weekends tinkering around the garage or working on his hobby and not engaged or interested in spending time with you
I'd bet that he's done this more than once and when he does, what do YOU think about what's going through his mind?Do you start wondering if he's angry about something you did or said, or is somehow disapproving of you in some way?
Do you wonder if he cares LESS about you in that moment, or is questioning your relationship? Do you start to talk yourself into feeling, "ok, well he's into his own thing, so I'm going to go off and be into mine."
Or do you think, "well I need to fill my time with other interests since he is OBVIOUSLY not interested in spending his precious time with me."
If you find yourself thinking any of these things, chances are pretty good that you're reacting to him in a way that sends a very negative message - a message that is guaranteed to send him packing or push him away from you.
That's because you're reacting to a myths that you heard somewhere about men - that men really don't care about spending quality, intimate time with women.Ok,I'm a man and I am going to say that again and in all caps because I can!
MEN DO CARE ABOUT SPENDING QUALITY, INTIMATE TIME WITH WOMEN.
What's worse, though, is that by believing the myth that men need alone time because they don't care about you, or would rather not talk because they're disapproving of you in any way is probably causing you to behave in a way that is destructive to your relationship.
Let me explain.You wrote in your email that you feel scared and a little bit crazy when your boyfriend behaves in a way that is a mystery to you.
What if I were to tell you that men have a completely different way of unplugging and decompressing than women do...and that for a man,to spend time alone without talking or having a "deep" conversation is his way of relaxing and getting back some of his mental energy.
And yet you interpret it as meaning that he isn't engaged with you in some way.
The thing is, if you're punishing him in some way for doing things that are actually normal and natural for him as a man, such as needing alone time or time to zone out and decompress, then what you're actually communicating to him is that you don't understand who he is.
And if your man doesn't think that you understand him, then of course he will disengage!You just want him to be exactly like you.But that's not what you really want, is it?
While it's true that there are fundamental differences in men and women, such as the way they decompress and re-energize, it's also true that they have much more in common than you think.
Most women I talk with don't realize that men and women aren't really that different.Look at the list below. Do these sound like myths to you? Actually, they are truths about men and how they feel about relationships.
Men may not admit this readily, but for most men, when they decide that a woman is TRULY the woman for them, it is because she has met these criteria - maybe not all, but definitely most.
She makes him feel cherished.She makes him feel her desire for him, so he never feels unattractive, insignificant or unimportant.He feels safe and secure in the relationship.She makes him spontaneous and fun in a way he hasn't felt like since his youth...and feeling things that can't be planned in a relationship, just like you.
I will talk to ya again soon.Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.Best of luck in life and love!
Do you know what it means when your boyfriend gets quiet, "zones out" and acts like he doesn't want to talk to you? One minute everything feels great and you're laughing and connecting and the next minute some weird "mood" comes over him and he goes off into his own little world.
Or maybe your relationship is chugging along at full speed, getting closer and closer, and suddenly you feel like YOU are the only one reaching out and connecting...and he is just sitting there? What's up with that? Why do men do this?
If this has ever happened to you, I want you to know that it's critical for you to know why - and what to do about it and what to avoid doing at all costs.
I need you to pay attention here;Because this is important,How you react in a situation like this can mean the difference between him knowing the one woman who can make him happy, or feeling unsure about the future of your relationship.Let me know share a question I recently received from a reader about a situation just like this.
Dear Duken,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost one year and we are very serious about each other. We are even talking about marriage and we have already moved in together.So what's the problem you ask?
Even after all this time, I still find myself trying to figure out what he's thinking sometimes.Sometimes he's a mystery to me, why he does and says some of the things he does, and this scares me a lot and makes me crazy since we are so serious about each other.
For instance, sometimes he just gets quiet and won't talk to me. And it doesn't have to be anything going wrong like a fight or anything for this to happen.He says that he needs his alone time, but I sense that it's because of something I have done that makes him shut down. I'd really like to fix it if I could. I wish I knew how to read these things better or if I even should be reading anything into it at all. Help me out? ...S*
I can help you.First of all, I have some good news for you.You can relax.From what I'm hearing about your situation, there is nothing abnormal or wrong with what is happening between you and your boyfriend.
The fact that he's telling you he needs "alone time" doesn't have anything to do with how he feels about you and your "serious" relationship.It has everything to do with how a man approaches relationships, his own "down time" and the "up time" when he is with you.
Many women believe that when a man acts "disengaged" it is because he's not happy, or he's unsatisfied, or he doesn't want to be with you and wants to be with someone else.Not so!As a matter of fact, thinking that there's something wrong with the relationship when a man gets quiet is one of what I call the "Man Myths" that a lot of women believe about men.
The way your boyfriend is behaving is typical and to be expected of a man in a relationship.It doesn't mean something is wrong...for example:Has your guy ever done this? Made plans to spend a night alone with "the guys" after several intense and romantic days with youGo and "zone out" in front of the T.V. or computer after dinner or after a long conversation with you, and acts irritated when you try to interrupt him
Spend huge chunks of time on weekends tinkering around the garage or working on his hobby and not engaged or interested in spending time with you
I'd bet that he's done this more than once and when he does, what do YOU think about what's going through his mind?Do you start wondering if he's angry about something you did or said, or is somehow disapproving of you in some way?
Do you wonder if he cares LESS about you in that moment, or is questioning your relationship? Do you start to talk yourself into feeling, "ok, well he's into his own thing, so I'm going to go off and be into mine."
Or do you think, "well I need to fill my time with other interests since he is OBVIOUSLY not interested in spending his precious time with me."
If you find yourself thinking any of these things, chances are pretty good that you're reacting to him in a way that sends a very negative message - a message that is guaranteed to send him packing or push him away from you.
That's because you're reacting to a myths that you heard somewhere about men - that men really don't care about spending quality, intimate time with women.Ok,I'm a man and I am going to say that again and in all caps because I can!
What's worse, though, is that by believing the myth that men need alone time because they don't care about you, or would rather not talk because they're disapproving of you in any way is probably causing you to behave in a way that is destructive to your relationship.
Let me explain.You wrote in your email that you feel scared and a little bit crazy when your boyfriend behaves in a way that is a mystery to you.
What if I were to tell you that men have a completely different way of unplugging and decompressing than women do...and that for a man,to spend time alone without talking or having a "deep" conversation is his way of relaxing and getting back some of his mental energy.
And yet you interpret it as meaning that he isn't engaged with you in some way.
The thing is, if you're punishing him in some way for doing things that are actually normal and natural for him as a man, such as needing alone time or time to zone out and decompress, then what you're actually communicating to him is that you don't understand who he is.
And if your man doesn't think that you understand him, then of course he will disengage!You just want him to be exactly like you.But that's not what you really want, is it?
While it's true that there are fundamental differences in men and women, such as the way they decompress and re-energize, it's also true that they have much more in common than you think.
Most women I talk with don't realize that men and women aren't really that different.Look at the list below. Do these sound like myths to you? Actually, they are truths about men and how they feel about relationships.
Men may not admit this readily, but for most men, when they decide that a woman is TRULY the woman for them, it is because she has met these criteria - maybe not all, but definitely most.
She makes him feel cherished.She makes him feel her desire for him, so he never feels unattractive, insignificant or unimportant.He feels safe and secure in the relationship.She makes him spontaneous and fun in a way he hasn't felt like since his youth...and feeling things that can't be planned in a relationship, just like you.
I will talk to ya again soon.Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.Best of luck in life and love!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Five Reasons A Man Falls Out Of Love & Leaves
Welcome,What is going on with your boyfriend when you know he has got strong feelings for you, but he is dragging his feet on committing? There are specific reasons why a man will make the conscious decision to commit to a woman or not.
Those reasons often have little or nothing to do with:a) How long you've been together (b). What everyone else, including you, thinks he "should do" (c). How much you've "invested" in the relationship.
A man will want to commit to you simply because of the way you make him feel.
If he feels that his life will be better with you in it, than without you, he will want to commit to you.But if he is unsure about the future of your relationship because of some lingering doubts in his mind, based on what is happening or not happening in your relationship, then you're already fighting an uphill battle.
Fortunately, there is a way for you to know exactly what to do and say to make sure he is not doubting your relationship. You have the power to make him feel utterly devoted and committed to you.It just takes knowing the secret to what a man is "commitment tempo" is and what it takes for him to want you, and only you, for life.
Well,now let's talk about the reasons why men often leave relationships.
$$$$ Reader's E-mail $$$$
Dukentaxer,
Thanks a lot for being there for us,I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and
a half and we have a great relationship on all levels intellectually, physically, etc.However unfortunately we have been 'head-bashing' over a certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our relationship and now it has literally come to a point where he wants "time out". I have a problem trusting him and want to always control situations. I have constantly been giving him nonsense when he socializes with his female friends, and have an insecurity that he will leave me. It has been very strenuous on him and he actually told me this morning that he wants to be with me but he no longer knows what to do and wants time out of this relationship...
I finally did something right today when speaking to him after reading some of your blog post, I just listened and said that I understood. He said we will discuss it further this evening. I am so lost!!! I don't know what to do to fix this now, and am not sure if this can be "fixable". I Really Love him and he loves me, but it has been carrying on for so long he doesn't want to hear excuses anymore.
Please I need your Help now. What can I do to make this work? I will be forever grateful for your response and save me from this dilemma!
A.Z.
$$$ My Reply $$$$
Well, I'm going to have to lay it on the line for you because you're doing one of the worst things you can do: You're using your Fear and Neediness to justify feeling hurt and pushing your guy away.Imagine if you were to slap yourself silly,
then turn to him and cry and freak out and then blame him for making you do it.
And when he responds by saying, But you just slapped yourself, you go ahead and get even more upset, and act even more emotional, and then wonder, "What did I do to make him doubt our future together? What you're doing has roughly the same effect on your boyfriend as your current thinking and behavior.
Follow me here?
You have to find a way to get this jealousy and fear under control, because no matter how good your relationship with a man might be, or how much reassurance you get from him, it will never be enough for you because your mind will find a way to freak you out.Those negative feelings will keep coming up and driving him away each and every time.
Ask yourself a few important questions:How are all your negative emotions, fears and frustrations affecting the man in your life?
How does it make him think about you, your relationship and future together?
What thoughts and feelings would he share with you if he wasn't afraid of you freaking out?
Take my hint; Being able to listen and understand a man without immediately jumping to conclusions,criticizing or freaking out goes a long way towards creating a strong relationship that meets both your needs.The good news is that your situation isn't hopeless or un-fixable.But there are a few important truths about why men leave relationships with women they really like, or even love, that you need to know.
Reason $1). Why men leave relationships: The Pleasure Principle
Men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships.If you're constantly freaking out on a man about something he?s doing or saying, you're quickly turning into a person who isn't fun to be around.He just won't feel that good around you.This has a huge impact on whether or not he'll want to invest more time and energy into you and your relationship.Or, if he'll decide to give up on trying to fix what?s going on so you can both feel good together.
Reason $2). Why men leave relationships: Emotional Experience and the Future
The way a woman acts in "little" situations become indicators to a man about how she'll respond when things really get tough in the future.So if a woman is constantly emotional or negative, even when a man does what he can to "reassure" her... he isn't going to believe things will get better the longer he's with her.He is going to feel as if he has to "walk on eggshells" around you, and that doesn't make anyone feel good about staying in a relationship.
Reason $3). Why men leave relationships: Lost Feelings of Attraction
Sure, love is important to a man.But experiencing those addicting and exciting feelings of connection and attraction with the woman he loves are just as important. Because when a man feels attraction and love,working out the little problems is a piece of cake.When he stops feeling that connection, he'll forget why he?s with you in the first place, and the relationship will start to feel like a whole bunch of "work" to him.
By the way, trying to "fix" things by talking about working on "the relationship" is a big mistake. A man wants to do fun and enjoyable things together not talk to know it's working.Sometimes a man will say he cares about you,or maybe even loves you, but he'll admit he?s not "in love" with you.If you've ever heard that from your man, it?s a symptom that he?s not feeling that gut-level of attraction for you, despite having affectionate feelings for you.
Creating that gut-level of attraction and sharing that attraction is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter what.I'm not talking about physical attraction,either.I'm talking about the emotional and intellectual attraction that comes from a deeper,more subconscious place.
Reason $4). Why men leave relationships: Neediness!!!
A man wants to be with a woman who brings something better to his life, not take away his time, energy and emotional "stability."So when a woman doesn't have much going on for herself or her life BESIDES the relationship,it's a big red flag to the man.It tells him she focuses too much on the relationship as the source of her happiness.
She stops hanging out with her friends as much, she stops focusing on her own interests or hobbies and she feels "controlled" by the relationship in some way.This not only looks "needy" to a man, but he realizes she isn't bringing a lot into the relationship on her own.
How can you tell you're guilty of this? Have you ever said this to yourself after a
break-up:"I can't believe how I lost touch with my friends while I was with that guy." "I can't believe I let him control me like that." "Where did my life go?" "What happened to the real me? I wasted so much time in that relationship, when I could have been doing things for myself or my future."
The reality is that no man and no relationship can or should be everything to you.You shouldn't have to sacrifice all your time and energy on a man.And the point is, he doesn't want you to. At least, no mature, "together" man will want you to.Controlling, psychotic men? Well, that is another story.
Reason $5). Why men leave relationships: "She's Trying to Fix Me"
A man can and will change and compromise for a woman. It's a fact.I see it all the time when men let go of their "bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman.But a man has to have his own reasons to change. A lot of women try to change a man by
showing him how it will affect them as a couple,not him alone.
People are motivated by things they want, not by things others want. If you want a man to change, you have to try to show him how it will benefit him and him alone, not you or your relationship.Just remember, if a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship and he isn't feeling or experiencing too many of the above "reasons" for leaving, then any issues you have will feel like small bumps in the road to him.He'll be confident, open, and secure about working things out with you.
P.S.
One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of "Top ten "questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.Best of luck in love and life!
Those reasons often have little or nothing to do with:a) How long you've been together (b). What everyone else, including you, thinks he "should do" (c). How much you've "invested" in the relationship.
A man will want to commit to you simply because of the way you make him feel.
If he feels that his life will be better with you in it, than without you, he will want to commit to you.But if he is unsure about the future of your relationship because of some lingering doubts in his mind, based on what is happening or not happening in your relationship, then you're already fighting an uphill battle.
Fortunately, there is a way for you to know exactly what to do and say to make sure he is not doubting your relationship. You have the power to make him feel utterly devoted and committed to you.It just takes knowing the secret to what a man is "commitment tempo" is and what it takes for him to want you, and only you, for life.
Well,now let's talk about the reasons why men often leave relationships.
$$$$ Reader's E-mail $$$$
Dukentaxer,
Thanks a lot for being there for us,I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and
a half and we have a great relationship on all levels intellectually, physically, etc.However unfortunately we have been 'head-bashing' over a certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our relationship and now it has literally come to a point where he wants "time out". I have a problem trusting him and want to always control situations. I have constantly been giving him nonsense when he socializes with his female friends, and have an insecurity that he will leave me. It has been very strenuous on him and he actually told me this morning that he wants to be with me but he no longer knows what to do and wants time out of this relationship...
I finally did something right today when speaking to him after reading some of your blog post, I just listened and said that I understood. He said we will discuss it further this evening. I am so lost!!! I don't know what to do to fix this now, and am not sure if this can be "fixable". I Really Love him and he loves me, but it has been carrying on for so long he doesn't want to hear excuses anymore.
Please I need your Help now. What can I do to make this work? I will be forever grateful for your response and save me from this dilemma!
A.Z.
$$$ My Reply $$$$
Well, I'm going to have to lay it on the line for you because you're doing one of the worst things you can do: You're using your Fear and Neediness to justify feeling hurt and pushing your guy away.Imagine if you were to slap yourself silly,
then turn to him and cry and freak out and then blame him for making you do it.
And when he responds by saying, But you just slapped yourself, you go ahead and get even more upset, and act even more emotional, and then wonder, "What did I do to make him doubt our future together? What you're doing has roughly the same effect on your boyfriend as your current thinking and behavior.
Follow me here?
You have to find a way to get this jealousy and fear under control, because no matter how good your relationship with a man might be, or how much reassurance you get from him, it will never be enough for you because your mind will find a way to freak you out.Those negative feelings will keep coming up and driving him away each and every time.
Ask yourself a few important questions:How are all your negative emotions, fears and frustrations affecting the man in your life?
How does it make him think about you, your relationship and future together?
What thoughts and feelings would he share with you if he wasn't afraid of you freaking out?
Take my hint; Being able to listen and understand a man without immediately jumping to conclusions,criticizing or freaking out goes a long way towards creating a strong relationship that meets both your needs.The good news is that your situation isn't hopeless or un-fixable.But there are a few important truths about why men leave relationships with women they really like, or even love, that you need to know.
Reason $1). Why men leave relationships: The Pleasure Principle
Men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships.If you're constantly freaking out on a man about something he?s doing or saying, you're quickly turning into a person who isn't fun to be around.He just won't feel that good around you.This has a huge impact on whether or not he'll want to invest more time and energy into you and your relationship.Or, if he'll decide to give up on trying to fix what?s going on so you can both feel good together.
Reason $2). Why men leave relationships: Emotional Experience and the Future
The way a woman acts in "little" situations become indicators to a man about how she'll respond when things really get tough in the future.So if a woman is constantly emotional or negative, even when a man does what he can to "reassure" her... he isn't going to believe things will get better the longer he's with her.He is going to feel as if he has to "walk on eggshells" around you, and that doesn't make anyone feel good about staying in a relationship.
Reason $3). Why men leave relationships: Lost Feelings of Attraction
Sure, love is important to a man.But experiencing those addicting and exciting feelings of connection and attraction with the woman he loves are just as important. Because when a man feels attraction and love,working out the little problems is a piece of cake.When he stops feeling that connection, he'll forget why he?s with you in the first place, and the relationship will start to feel like a whole bunch of "work" to him.
By the way, trying to "fix" things by talking about working on "the relationship" is a big mistake. A man wants to do fun and enjoyable things together not talk to know it's working.Sometimes a man will say he cares about you,or maybe even loves you, but he'll admit he?s not "in love" with you.If you've ever heard that from your man, it?s a symptom that he?s not feeling that gut-level of attraction for you, despite having affectionate feelings for you.
Creating that gut-level of attraction and sharing that attraction is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter what.I'm not talking about physical attraction,either.I'm talking about the emotional and intellectual attraction that comes from a deeper,more subconscious place.
Reason $4). Why men leave relationships: Neediness!!!
A man wants to be with a woman who brings something better to his life, not take away his time, energy and emotional "stability."So when a woman doesn't have much going on for herself or her life BESIDES the relationship,it's a big red flag to the man.It tells him she focuses too much on the relationship as the source of her happiness.
She stops hanging out with her friends as much, she stops focusing on her own interests or hobbies and she feels "controlled" by the relationship in some way.This not only looks "needy" to a man, but he realizes she isn't bringing a lot into the relationship on her own.
How can you tell you're guilty of this? Have you ever said this to yourself after a
break-up:"I can't believe how I lost touch with my friends while I was with that guy." "I can't believe I let him control me like that." "Where did my life go?" "What happened to the real me? I wasted so much time in that relationship, when I could have been doing things for myself or my future."
The reality is that no man and no relationship can or should be everything to you.You shouldn't have to sacrifice all your time and energy on a man.And the point is, he doesn't want you to. At least, no mature, "together" man will want you to.Controlling, psychotic men? Well, that is another story.
Reason $5). Why men leave relationships: "She's Trying to Fix Me"
A man can and will change and compromise for a woman. It's a fact.I see it all the time when men let go of their "bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman.But a man has to have his own reasons to change. A lot of women try to change a man by
showing him how it will affect them as a couple,not him alone.
People are motivated by things they want, not by things others want. If you want a man to change, you have to try to show him how it will benefit him and him alone, not you or your relationship.Just remember, if a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship and he isn't feeling or experiencing too many of the above "reasons" for leaving, then any issues you have will feel like small bumps in the road to him.He'll be confident, open, and secure about working things out with you.
P.S.
One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?
Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?
I actually put together a list of "Top ten "questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.Best of luck in love and life!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Are Men Really Intimidated By Strong Women?
If your relationships with men seem to get harder over time, instead of closer, and even though you love each other, you find you start turning against one another instead of towards.....
Then you need find out the truth about what will quickly stop this pattern of conflict and withdrawal and inspire your man to be a great partner to you again.
Are you the kind of woman who doesn't "need" a man, but you're clear that you're ready to have the right man and the right relationship in your life?
Well, have you thought about whether or not you know what it takes to make a relationship with a man not only work, but thrive?
My best tips and secrets about what goes on in a man's mind and what inspires a man to become an amazingly devoted lover and partner with you.
I want you to tell me if you've noticed this funny and annoying thing about men. Have you noticed that men seem to go for women who don't have their act together, and who are "needy" and looking for a man for all the wrong reasons?
Like lots of other women, do you find that men don't recognize or appreciate you and great women from all the other ones out there who don't have their lives together?
It's enough to make you think that men really don't want a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman - even though they seem to say that's what they want.
Or is it that men just have awful taste in women? What's going on here?
If you're like lots of women I've met and talked to, then you've got your act together, you've got a great life of your own, and you want to meet a man and fall in love again.
But it seems like the more you do to be strong and stand on your own two feet, the less men act comfortable or interested in a serious relationship with you.
Men seem to be intimidated by strong women. Well, let me start by saying this:
Be strong. A great man is in no way intimidated by a strong, successful, powerful woman.
In fact, a great man is completely and undeniably turned on and intensely attracted to a powerful, radiant, confident, beautiful woman.
Now, if only being strong and powerful in our relationships, while still being open and loving was this simple... And this is where I've found a huge "disconnect" happens for too many amazing women.
You want a great guy, you're doing all the things to have a great life, but for some reason the right man either doesn't show up, or he seems put off by the fact that you don't "need" him and have your own life.
If you can relate to any of this, I'm sure you're pretty frustrated with men and relationships. You know you're supposed to be happy without a man. But sometimes it seems like men both want and don't want you to need them.
Arggh! Here's something you should know - As strange and untrue as it might seem right now, the right man is not put off by you being independent and having your own life. Men do crave women who are strong, feminine and powerful.
Women like this are very sexy to men. So then why do so many men act like they are intimated or put off by strong women?
The short answer is... When it comes to attraction, love and relationships, lots of strong, independent women accidentally stop making the space in their lives to be soft and vulnerable with a man.
And this lack of vulnerability isn't a small thing. Not being comfortable with being vulnerable becomes the root of this disconnect that keeps strong women from connecting with men and enjoying amazing deep and lasting relationships.
Because without being emotionally vulnerable, a man will never be drawn into connecting with you through his feelings.
And if you as a woman don't make a man stop being his same old self who's empty inside, and help him start to feel something incredible inside when he's with you that he's never felt before, then he's just not going to believe that you're the one for him.
Think about it for a second - Could it be true that you've stopped being that soft, easy to get to know, lovable woman you know a man can't resist, and instead you've started "armoring" or protecting yourself?
Or maybe you've even gotten so far away from your own emotions and the place of love inside you that it's going to be hard for a man to see this inside you?
If you're nodding your head right now thinking, "Oh no, that's me", then don't be too concerned.
It can be easy and natural to reconnect to that soft, loving, feminine place inside you that is what drives a man wild about you in the first place - even if you're already in a relationship that feels like your love is fading.
It can be easy when you know what it takes to shift out of that old way of being with men, and of feeling closed-off in relationships. The very best way I know of to help you or any woman quickly get back to that loving place inside will not only make you feel great inside and open you up...
But will also instantly attract the right man to you, or quickly recapture that special man in your life's attention.
Don't waste your time trying to avoid getting hurt. Don't clutter your mind with thoughts of "what if" about how your man is feeling.
And don't keep spending your energy trying to make your relationships work, when you're putting all your energy in the wrong place.
To get back on track with being the strong yet open and lovable woman your man won't be able to keep his hands off of, you need to turn-around your approach to men in your relationship now.
Do you know what happens when you haven't felt love in a long time, and you doubt that a man could ever really be the kind of partner you want?
I'll tell you. Not good things. When you worry about:
Getting hurt again .Losing yourself again in a relationship .Being shut out and unappreciated by a man Guess what this creates in lots of really sweet and loving women?
It creates a tough outer shell. And what does this shell do? It keeps men at arm's distance, even when the man wants to be there to love and support you.
This shell also makes getting close to you painful and difficult, as when a man tries to get past your tough shell, he's going to get hurt trying to get through.
And it's going to feel uncomfortable for you trying to open up and let him in. This is not the way to let love into your life and create the kind of relationship that can last and grow forever.
It will never work for you. And it will never allow the right man to get close to you, and then feel that your relationship is the incredible experience of love and growth that you both need it to be to make your love last.
By the way, if you're with a man and you're afraid to open up and be more vulnerable with him...And you're having a tough time trusting him enough to truly let him in and know everything you are inside and out...
Your man is going to sense it. But most men at rate of (98%) won't know what's going on. They'll just know that it feels unusually hard and difficult to get close to you.
And they'll sense and see that whenever any "bump" or doubt comes up that you need to get through together, that you react in a way that pushes you both farther apart, instead of closer.
And ultimately, if you're with the right kind of man, he'll feel disappointed and drained by your relationship - instead of inspired.
You need to be loved and feel inspired by a man in a relationship, and it's also true that a man has to feel this way with you to be happy with you.
The question is... Are you bringing that open and loving woman to him in your relationship who is going to keep him inspired and giving of love even when he feels tired or withdrawn in his own mind?
Or are you closing off to him, pushing him away to try and protect yourself. and hoping that he'll see through it all and love you deeply enough to help you both get through it together.
Now that you're starting to see this more clearly, you have a choice. You can stay in the place that probably feels safe and comfortable of being tough and protecting yourself to make sure you don't get hurt again.
But you know where that road leads. Your other choice is to do what feels a lot less comfortable at first, but is going to give you what you really want from love and a relationship.
And that is to stop trying to protect yourself and let love in by letting your man get close to you to where you open up and depend on him emotionally.
This is the catch. So many strong women are so busy taking care of their own needs that they forget how important and necessary it is in love to allow others to be there for us, to where we can allow ourselves to need and want to receive from them.
How comfortable are you at being completely open and honest with your feelings with a man, and doing it in a way that makes it so that you could be hurt?
If you're not comfortable with this, and you've been keeping your feelings and your worries to yourself, then odds are you don't have much of anyone or anything to lean on or depend on for yourself.
In fact, it's probably you who everyone else leans and depends on. It's great to give, but it's time you learned to also receive.
Men feel an intense need and desire to give to the woman they love. And without this, most men will just never feel that connected to you. So you can either learn to open up and take the chance of letting a man be there, love you and give to you.
Or you can keep feeling drained by taking care of everything in your own life yourself, and caring for everyone else at the same time – while feeling like you don't get much back in return.
It's time to make a shift and break the pattern. and when you do, the man in your life will instantly notice and start giving and supporting you more.
I want to ask you to do something for me. I want you to get outside what you've been comfortable with till now as a woman when it comes to men and sharing what you feel, and what you want.
And I want you to take the chance of allowing a man to hear that you have needs and desires of your own that you want him to be the one to give to you, and share with him.
If you're ready to really learn how to share and start to receive more from men in relationships, it doesn't have to feel so scary.
In fact, even if you're in a relationship where you feel stuck in a rut and you're not getting much in the way of love or appreciation back from your man, making the shift to where your man can't help but want to give more love and support to you, and you are open to receiving it couldn't be easier.
All you have to do is to learn the important aspects for what the foundation base of a great relationship really is.
When you have this foundations in place, and you know the simple but powerful relationship skills that come along with them, getting what you want with a man and from your relationship is easy.
Your man makes it easy for you. On the other hand, when you don't have these required skills, and you don't have this foundation base in place in your relationship, then anything can come along and cast doubt and uncertainty on everything in your relationship.
It's time you got to enjoy what it feels like to have your needs met in a relationship.
And it's time you weren't the one to be looking out for everyone else's happiness, when meanwhile you don't feel fulfilled yourself.
As you know, for lots of us relationships are a lot of work. Get out of the cycle and the trap too many women are in of setting things up in your relationship to where it's tons of work and struggle just to try and connect with your man.
And instead start to find out what it's like when love and connection flows and grows stronger over time. I promise you I am going to show you the essential relationship skills that will have you getting what you want from your man, and build that solid relationships foundation base for you.
And if you're not 100% thrilled and ecstatic with the new relationship and love life you have after going through this blog post, then don't pay a thing.
I'm that confident that if you keep reading most of this blog post, can and will turn around your love life, even if you're in a relationship that feels stuck.
Stop trying to do it all yourself. Find out how to have a man ready, waiting, and excited to be the incredible partner you know you want and deserve in your love life.
And remember. It's your job to stay open to giving and receiving love. And it's also your job to get over the fear of what might go wrong, so when you're finally there in front of a great guy you don't mess things up for yourself because you don't know how to let him in into your heart and hold him there forever.
It's a man's job to meet you at this right place and take your love and relationship to the next level with you. If you're a strong, independent woman, then the irony is that it's often even harder for you to truly let down your guard and allow a man to get close to you.
Because you're used to taking care of yourself and doing everything on your own. It's time you made it easy for a man to love you again.
And it's time you allowed love to fill you and create the kind of connection with a man he'll never ever want to be without in his entire love life. If you've been finding that the more you want love, the more you seem to accidentally push good men away. then you need to follow my blog post to turn around your relationship for the sake of your life and love.
And let me know how things change for you. I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love. Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone!
Thanks!
Then you need find out the truth about what will quickly stop this pattern of conflict and withdrawal and inspire your man to be a great partner to you again.
Are you the kind of woman who doesn't "need" a man, but you're clear that you're ready to have the right man and the right relationship in your life?
Well, have you thought about whether or not you know what it takes to make a relationship with a man not only work, but thrive?
My best tips and secrets about what goes on in a man's mind and what inspires a man to become an amazingly devoted lover and partner with you.
I want you to tell me if you've noticed this funny and annoying thing about men. Have you noticed that men seem to go for women who don't have their act together, and who are "needy" and looking for a man for all the wrong reasons?
Like lots of other women, do you find that men don't recognize or appreciate you and great women from all the other ones out there who don't have their lives together?
It's enough to make you think that men really don't want a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman - even though they seem to say that's what they want.
Or is it that men just have awful taste in women? What's going on here?
If you're like lots of women I've met and talked to, then you've got your act together, you've got a great life of your own, and you want to meet a man and fall in love again.
But it seems like the more you do to be strong and stand on your own two feet, the less men act comfortable or interested in a serious relationship with you.
Men seem to be intimidated by strong women. Well, let me start by saying this:
Be strong. A great man is in no way intimidated by a strong, successful, powerful woman.
In fact, a great man is completely and undeniably turned on and intensely attracted to a powerful, radiant, confident, beautiful woman.
Now, if only being strong and powerful in our relationships, while still being open and loving was this simple... And this is where I've found a huge "disconnect" happens for too many amazing women.
You want a great guy, you're doing all the things to have a great life, but for some reason the right man either doesn't show up, or he seems put off by the fact that you don't "need" him and have your own life.
If you can relate to any of this, I'm sure you're pretty frustrated with men and relationships. You know you're supposed to be happy without a man. But sometimes it seems like men both want and don't want you to need them.
Arggh! Here's something you should know - As strange and untrue as it might seem right now, the right man is not put off by you being independent and having your own life. Men do crave women who are strong, feminine and powerful.
Women like this are very sexy to men. So then why do so many men act like they are intimated or put off by strong women?
The short answer is... When it comes to attraction, love and relationships, lots of strong, independent women accidentally stop making the space in their lives to be soft and vulnerable with a man.
And this lack of vulnerability isn't a small thing. Not being comfortable with being vulnerable becomes the root of this disconnect that keeps strong women from connecting with men and enjoying amazing deep and lasting relationships.
Because without being emotionally vulnerable, a man will never be drawn into connecting with you through his feelings.
And if you as a woman don't make a man stop being his same old self who's empty inside, and help him start to feel something incredible inside when he's with you that he's never felt before, then he's just not going to believe that you're the one for him.
Think about it for a second - Could it be true that you've stopped being that soft, easy to get to know, lovable woman you know a man can't resist, and instead you've started "armoring" or protecting yourself?
Or maybe you've even gotten so far away from your own emotions and the place of love inside you that it's going to be hard for a man to see this inside you?
If you're nodding your head right now thinking, "Oh no, that's me", then don't be too concerned.
It can be easy and natural to reconnect to that soft, loving, feminine place inside you that is what drives a man wild about you in the first place - even if you're already in a relationship that feels like your love is fading.
It can be easy when you know what it takes to shift out of that old way of being with men, and of feeling closed-off in relationships. The very best way I know of to help you or any woman quickly get back to that loving place inside will not only make you feel great inside and open you up...
But will also instantly attract the right man to you, or quickly recapture that special man in your life's attention.
Don't waste your time trying to avoid getting hurt. Don't clutter your mind with thoughts of "what if" about how your man is feeling.
And don't keep spending your energy trying to make your relationships work, when you're putting all your energy in the wrong place.
To get back on track with being the strong yet open and lovable woman your man won't be able to keep his hands off of, you need to turn-around your approach to men in your relationship now.
Do you know what happens when you haven't felt love in a long time, and you doubt that a man could ever really be the kind of partner you want?
I'll tell you. Not good things. When you worry about:
Getting hurt again .Losing yourself again in a relationship .Being shut out and unappreciated by a man Guess what this creates in lots of really sweet and loving women?
It creates a tough outer shell. And what does this shell do? It keeps men at arm's distance, even when the man wants to be there to love and support you.
This shell also makes getting close to you painful and difficult, as when a man tries to get past your tough shell, he's going to get hurt trying to get through.
And it's going to feel uncomfortable for you trying to open up and let him in. This is not the way to let love into your life and create the kind of relationship that can last and grow forever.
It will never work for you. And it will never allow the right man to get close to you, and then feel that your relationship is the incredible experience of love and growth that you both need it to be to make your love last.
By the way, if you're with a man and you're afraid to open up and be more vulnerable with him...And you're having a tough time trusting him enough to truly let him in and know everything you are inside and out...
Your man is going to sense it. But most men at rate of (98%) won't know what's going on. They'll just know that it feels unusually hard and difficult to get close to you.
And they'll sense and see that whenever any "bump" or doubt comes up that you need to get through together, that you react in a way that pushes you both farther apart, instead of closer.
And ultimately, if you're with the right kind of man, he'll feel disappointed and drained by your relationship - instead of inspired.
You need to be loved and feel inspired by a man in a relationship, and it's also true that a man has to feel this way with you to be happy with you.
The question is... Are you bringing that open and loving woman to him in your relationship who is going to keep him inspired and giving of love even when he feels tired or withdrawn in his own mind?
Or are you closing off to him, pushing him away to try and protect yourself. and hoping that he'll see through it all and love you deeply enough to help you both get through it together.
Now that you're starting to see this more clearly, you have a choice. You can stay in the place that probably feels safe and comfortable of being tough and protecting yourself to make sure you don't get hurt again.
But you know where that road leads. Your other choice is to do what feels a lot less comfortable at first, but is going to give you what you really want from love and a relationship.
And that is to stop trying to protect yourself and let love in by letting your man get close to you to where you open up and depend on him emotionally.
This is the catch. So many strong women are so busy taking care of their own needs that they forget how important and necessary it is in love to allow others to be there for us, to where we can allow ourselves to need and want to receive from them.
How comfortable are you at being completely open and honest with your feelings with a man, and doing it in a way that makes it so that you could be hurt?
If you're not comfortable with this, and you've been keeping your feelings and your worries to yourself, then odds are you don't have much of anyone or anything to lean on or depend on for yourself.
In fact, it's probably you who everyone else leans and depends on. It's great to give, but it's time you learned to also receive.
Men feel an intense need and desire to give to the woman they love. And without this, most men will just never feel that connected to you. So you can either learn to open up and take the chance of letting a man be there, love you and give to you.
Or you can keep feeling drained by taking care of everything in your own life yourself, and caring for everyone else at the same time – while feeling like you don't get much back in return.
It's time to make a shift and break the pattern. and when you do, the man in your life will instantly notice and start giving and supporting you more.
I want to ask you to do something for me. I want you to get outside what you've been comfortable with till now as a woman when it comes to men and sharing what you feel, and what you want.
And I want you to take the chance of allowing a man to hear that you have needs and desires of your own that you want him to be the one to give to you, and share with him.
If you're ready to really learn how to share and start to receive more from men in relationships, it doesn't have to feel so scary.
In fact, even if you're in a relationship where you feel stuck in a rut and you're not getting much in the way of love or appreciation back from your man, making the shift to where your man can't help but want to give more love and support to you, and you are open to receiving it couldn't be easier.
All you have to do is to learn the important aspects for what the foundation base of a great relationship really is.
When you have this foundations in place, and you know the simple but powerful relationship skills that come along with them, getting what you want with a man and from your relationship is easy.
Your man makes it easy for you. On the other hand, when you don't have these required skills, and you don't have this foundation base in place in your relationship, then anything can come along and cast doubt and uncertainty on everything in your relationship.
It's time you got to enjoy what it feels like to have your needs met in a relationship.
And it's time you weren't the one to be looking out for everyone else's happiness, when meanwhile you don't feel fulfilled yourself.
As you know, for lots of us relationships are a lot of work. Get out of the cycle and the trap too many women are in of setting things up in your relationship to where it's tons of work and struggle just to try and connect with your man.
And instead start to find out what it's like when love and connection flows and grows stronger over time. I promise you I am going to show you the essential relationship skills that will have you getting what you want from your man, and build that solid relationships foundation base for you.
And if you're not 100% thrilled and ecstatic with the new relationship and love life you have after going through this blog post, then don't pay a thing.
I'm that confident that if you keep reading most of this blog post, can and will turn around your love life, even if you're in a relationship that feels stuck.
Stop trying to do it all yourself. Find out how to have a man ready, waiting, and excited to be the incredible partner you know you want and deserve in your love life.
And remember. It's your job to stay open to giving and receiving love. And it's also your job to get over the fear of what might go wrong, so when you're finally there in front of a great guy you don't mess things up for yourself because you don't know how to let him in into your heart and hold him there forever.
It's a man's job to meet you at this right place and take your love and relationship to the next level with you. If you're a strong, independent woman, then the irony is that it's often even harder for you to truly let down your guard and allow a man to get close to you.
Because you're used to taking care of yourself and doing everything on your own. It's time you made it easy for a man to love you again.
And it's time you allowed love to fill you and create the kind of connection with a man he'll never ever want to be without in his entire love life. If you've been finding that the more you want love, the more you seem to accidentally push good men away. then you need to follow my blog post to turn around your relationship for the sake of your life and love.
And let me know how things change for you. I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love. Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone!
Thanks!
Friday, August 14, 2009
The Personality Traits Men Find Irresistible In Women
The inner beauty men love in women’s personality; is the supreme realization of the innate idiosyncrasy of a living being. It is an act of high courage flung in the face of life, the absolute affirmation of all that constitutes the individual, the most successful adaptation to the universal condition of existence coupled with the greatest possible freedom for self-determination.
If you are obsessing about whether a man will fall in love with you because you do not look like a cover girl, forget it. You need more than just your outer beauty to get a man to fall in love with you. Sure your looks may initially catch a guy's eyes, but it will take more than your looks to keep him. So in this post I will share the five personality traits that men find irresistible.
Your looks cannot buy a man 's love. So forget trying to surgically alter your appearance in order to attract men. If you are thinking about going to a plastic surgeon to get an extreme body makeover, you may end up doing yourself more harm than good. What men find attractive in women goes way beyond what a woman looks like.
If looks were the sole reason men fall in love with women, then why do some men still cheat on their beautiful girlfriends and wives. And if you look closely, the girls they have these affairs with are nothing to write home about. The reason? That is precisely why I have written this article.So without wasting any more time, here are the five personality traits that men find more attractive than beauty alone:
Pt#1. Sexiness
The sexier you are, the more attractive men will find you. So what is sexy? Being sexy does not apply to any one aspect of your being. Sexiness has something to do with how you dress, talk, carry yourself, and interact with men. If you have a good sense of style and you know how to wear clothes that complement your figure, then you have won a third of the battle of being sexy. And the way you carry yourself when you interact with men, makes up the other two-thirds.
Pt#2. High self-esteem
If you cannot walk into a room and feel confident that you have what it takes to attract the single men in that room, then your lack of confidence will ooze out from every pore of your body and paint a picture in the minds of the men who are looking at you. But if on the other hand you walk into a room looking self-assured, more men will find you attractive.
Pt#3. Pleasant personality
You can get more guys to chase you if you know how to smile and show your happy and friendly side. If you walk into a room looking like a guy just dumped you and you have that look that says, "I hate all men", then men will read your message loud and clear and stay away from you.
Pt#4. Intelligence
You don't have to be a brain surgeon to get a date with the cutest guy at the party. All you have to do is speak intelligently about issues of the day and a lot of men will want to talk and get to know you better.
Pt#5. Approachable
This personality trait ranks very high when it comes to the traits men find very attractive in women. If your friends find you easy going, then thank your goodness. You stand a much better chance of attracting more men. But if your friends think that you are very difficult and hard to get along or live with, then you can be sure that the men you meet will feel the same way.
Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want - an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.
I will talk to you again soon.Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!
Thanks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)