How To Make Man Who Acted Cold to Act Hot Again

Ok, so now that you know what not to do when a man goes cold, here's how to handle the situation the next time it happens and inspire the right guy to "recover."

1. Center yourself and get clear on your wants

What you need to do first, before you do anything else, is get clear about what you want and expect from your love life.

You need to be honest with yourself first before you can be honest with anyone else in your life. Stop pretending you only want a casual, fun fling when what you really want is to have a committed, serious relationship that's going somewhere.

Here's the thing: Getting clear about what you want will help guide your mind in all kinds of positive directions to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life.

Accepting a situation that is anything other than what you truly want will not only make you unhappy, it will keep you tied to a man who's not right for you. So really ask yourself what kind of relationship you want before you become involved with a man and the chemistry starts to cloud your vision.

2. Communicate clearly

Let me tell you something important that you might have gotten mixed up as a woman in relationships with men who wouldn't listen...

It's ok to want what you want and to let a man know it. In fact, it's a must. And it's ok to tell a man that his behavior doesn't match with what you want.

The amazing thing is that men crave honest women who are up front about who they are and what they want in relationships... in a way that says that she's not too attached to the immediate outcome and subtly lets him know that he better have his act together, or else.

Suppose you're with a man who has a wandering eye or wants an "open relationship", and that's not what you want. You can say, "You have every right to be with any woman you want, just not when you're with me."

That's not an ultimatum or a threat. It's a simple, clear statement about your wishes that also respects his right to choose. When faced with open communication like that, a mature man will respect a woman and realize that he's dealing with an equal.

This in itself will go far in triggering the deep level of emotional attraction I talked about earlier. What's more, once you become vulnerable like this and state your truth, your respect for yourself will also increase, and with it your self-esteem. You'll not only move closer to the relationship you want, but you'll weed out the guys who can't give you that in the process.

3. Create the space

This is the critical key to inspiring a man to be close to you again. Actually allow yourself to be open and vulnerable.

This is the space that you will actually receive love from your man... and to do this requires that you actually take a step back so that a man can come towards you and start giving you his love and attention.

If you don't leave this space, you will keep filling the space, and he will not step forward.

That means you let go of the need to control what happens next and give him the chance to call, make plans with you, or initiate affection.

Learn the exact steps so he'll step forward how to cut through his resistance so he actually wants to come closer to you, naturally.

Specific words you can say if you sense he's pulling away so he suddenly craves you more.

The stuff men will never tell you about what they're thinking while dating you.

How to talk to him so you don't come across as needy.

One of my guest speakers, an expert in communicating with men, recommends "fooling" a man into thinking it's actually okay for him to withdraw. In fact, he advises that you actually encourage a man to take his space to regenerate by saying, "I'm here when you're ready."

When you back off like this, a man will firstly be caught off guard and pleasantly surprised, he probably hasn't had this happen with a woman before. Once he gets over this, he'll realize that he actually needs less time away from you, because you're not going to hold it against him.

To learn more tips like this you can use right away with any man you're with to instantly bring him closer to you and inspire that deep level of emotional attraction,

I'll guide you to understand men and work with how a man thinks and feels to create a great relationship...a relationship that will withstand the normal ups and downs.

You'll learn to recognize when a man is just "doing his thing", so you never again have to worry that you're driving him away. Instead, you'll learn exactly what it takes to support your man during his periods of "recovery" and what to do to keep his attraction for you strong.

I will talk to ya again soon. Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone. Best of luck in love and life!

Why Men Act Hot and Cold With Women

His withdrawing is the beginning of the end... unless you know how to pull him back

You know how it is...a man will seem really excited to be with you, he'll ask you out, maybe even bring you flowers, call all the time, and then...something shifts and he pulls back.

He stops making plans like he used to, and you start to feel like you did something wrong or that he doesn't like you as much anymore.

Wouldn't it be great to know for sure that your man was going to take you in his arms and let you know without a doubt that he wants you and only you?

Wouldn't it be amazing never to have to worry again that he is losing interest when he becomes distant or that you've done something wrong?

It's entirely possible when you understand the reasons a man has for acting distant and what to do about it when he does...

The good news: withdrawing is natural

Here's an insight about men that's fascinating and strange and that, once you understand it, is going to stop a lot of the pain and frustration you experience with dating and relationships.

When a man gets truly close to a woman and deeply intimate for any extended period of time, he loves that feeling and wants more of it. But the strange part of this is that the moment a man experiences this period of intense closeness, he will take some space for himself.

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but it's how most men work emotionally. Most men will actually seek some amount of space to "recover." It's kind of like how after a muscle gets worked out it needs to rest before it can grow stronger and be active again.

Men can become distant even in good relationships, and if you know what to do, you can keep your guy physically and emotionally engaged... even when he needs time to recover.

And there's another reason why a man might withdraw that has nothing whatsoever to do with you: He's not living his "purpose".

The importance of purpose for a man; It's important for a man to be clear about what he's doing in his own life and what his purpose is.

A man's purpose can be anything from something straightforward like excelling at work or building his own company, to something more creative like starting and working at a do-it-yourself project at home or training at his favorite sport.

The point is that a man has some goals and is engaged and focused on doing something and doing it well.

A man's purpose is essential to his overall emotional and social well-being. But often times, even men themselves aren't clear on what their purpose is, or don't really go after their purpose and assert themselves.

How his purpose (or lack of) can affect you when a man isn't going after his own purpose, or has fallen away from it or forgotten about it, it often gets in the way of the relationship he's in. Men become withdrawn, restless, irritated and seem generally unengaged in life as a whole.

They stop initiating plans. They stop spending as much time with people, even their own friends. They shut the world out. And of course, they become emotionally withdrawn and distant as well.

Too often men aren't conscious that this is what's happening to them, and they end up pulling away from their relationship and making things even worse for themselves. This is when they often seem to go in and out of being present and engaged in the relationship, and then completely withdrawn.

They slide between the two largely because of the way that they're feeling about themselves or how things are going for them in the world as it relates to their purpose. And often women take on the problems the man is going through and try and help, or even mistake his behavior to mean something about his feelings about them or the relationship.

So, now that you know that a man's withdrawing is not automatically your fault, what can you do about it?

What doesn't work with a man? 

There are certain behaviors and approaches women often take when their man starts withdrawing, and they usually work against you. Let's get those out of the way so you know what not to do...

Approach #1: Convincing Him

When you're with a man who is feeling or acting uncertain with you, trying to convince him otherwise puts you in a very dangerous and weak position for your relationship, even if you give him an ultimatum that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that you want.

Why? Because he's not really making that decision based on what he wants or feels.

What you really want and need is a man who is truly committed to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level. Not coerced, not forced, not convinced.

Approach #2: Over Sharing Your Feelings

If you're like most women, then you think sharing your feelings with a man first, and often, will somehow get him to share his feelings in return.

But this isn't how it works for a man. You can share your feelings with a man, but to expect that this will encourage him to do the same with you will only lead you to unnecessary frustration, especially if a man is already acting withdrawn.

When a man acts withdrawn, that's a signal that he is undergoing his own emotional process and needs time to recharge. Once he's ready to share his feelings, he'll be back. But trying to stimulate him to do so by becoming overly emotional won't work.

Approach #3: Setting Unrealistic Expectations

Women tend to think that if things are going well with a guy, that he will naturally want to move things forward to the next level. They'll just assume this even when the guy has never talked about the future.

So you know what happens next. Things will be coasting along, and suddenly the guy will change gears, she'll find out he's dating other women, or he doesn't make plans with her every weekend, and she's left wondering what the heck happened.

The answer is that the woman created all these expectations about what the relationship was supposed to look like and how he was supposed to behave, and when he fell short of that, she became disappointed and unfulfilled. This usually winds up in a confrontation that causes tension and maybe even creates more distance.

The flip side of this is that a woman will try to pretend she's okay with just a casual relationship, gets closer to him thinking he'll "come around," and then become disappointed when he doesn't.

Approach #4: Having "The Talk"

As an independent, thinking woman who is used to getting out there and getting what she wants in her career and the rest of her life, it might seem like laying your cards on the table and having a talk with a man about "where the relationship is going" is the sensible, adult way to move things forward.

You might think that if you give him all your reasons for why you two are perfect for each other, like you'd do in a job interview, it will make him open his eyes and realize he'd be a fool to have things any other way.

But think about this: Do men truly commit and choose to love and become loyal, caring, affectionate, etc. just because a woman asks them?

No. A man needs to have his own reasons for being and feeling this way, and this happens when he feels a deep emotional attraction for you.

Keep reading to get the inside scoop on how the commitment process works for a man, his reasons for committing, and how to transition to a deeply committed relationship in an easy and effortless way. I'll help you discover how to help a man get in touch with those hidden feelings inside him that will have him begging you for a commitment. No drama, no tears, and no convincing that he needs to "go there" with you.

I will talk to ya again soon. Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone. Best of luck in love and life!

The top Qualities that Make Man Unable to Resist Woman

You have the power to make your luck in love. I hope you feel excited and committed to creating the love life you've always wanted, and completely deserve.

I hope you are committed to taking the steps necessary to understand the patterns of your past, so you can create a new, more successful relationship in the future.

But enough of what you are going to learn, let's kick this relationship off with some insight into exactly what makes a man emotionally attracted to a woman.

There are six critical elements you must understand when it comes to love and a relationship with a man.

They are:

• Attraction
• Commitment
• Sex
• Love
• Communication
• Boundaries

But the step that has to come first, the element that rules all other elements... is attraction. And here's the crucial question... How do you trigger that attraction so it lasts?

There's a certain "code" that men use when it comes to describing a woman they crave and want to get to know on a deeper level... I call her "the cool girl."

The "cool girl" isn't about wearing the latest designer fashions, or knowing the hippest night spots, or having the most Facebook friends.

The "cool girl" is guy-speak for the kind of woman who is attractive to men in a way that even they can't explain or often aren't aware of. It's a way of being that triggers unconscious, but totally all-encompassing, attraction in men. 

In other words, "cool girl" = "relationship material."

Here are "Cool Girl" qualities... and how to live them

A cool girl has a certain "positive emotional energy" that men can relate to. She might not necessarily be the most physically attractive woman in the room, but there's just something about her that men find irresistible.

That "something" are rules that cool girls live by. And they are things you can start doing... today... to change how a man feels about and responds to you.

1. Cool girl rule # 1: Be positive

When you bring funny, positive thoughts and feelings to situations, you create an experience that men will want to have again and again.

That's because a cool girl understands that instead of complaining about little, insignificant details like the food, the temperature, or the state of the trash, which will make him feel unappreciated and disinterested...you can have a good time and celebrate the fun and excitement you are feeling with him, creating a foundation of positive experiences. This is the fastest way to make him connect with you and want more of you in his life, not less.

2. Cool girl rule #2: Go with the flow... most of the time

It's important that you show enough flexibility and spontaneity to go with the flow when it comes to social things. This makes a man feel he can make you happy - and for men, making a woman feel happy is how he feels good about himself.

Men, especially those with high-powered, stressful careers, don't want more stress from the woman in their lives. They want to come home to a woman who can be flexible about plans instead of rigid or set in her ways.

However, they also respect a woman who has boundaries and says clearly what is not okay with her. You don't want to be a doormat, or seem like a person who needs his approval. You are a confident, fun-loving, "cool" woman who can kick up her heels and have a good time, but also knows her mind and loves to share it.

3. Cool girl rule #3: Have options

Cool girls are interesting women who have lots of options, interests, hobbies or friends that make them happy.

Cool girls do not put all their happiness in what a man does or says. They make their own happiness, and therefore a man doesn't feel obligated to spend time with her or include her... he wants to.

4. Cool girl rule #4: Don't force

Cool girls prefer that a man makes up his own mind; they don't try to make a man do something.

If a man feels coerced or nagged or cornered into doing something, he will resent you. He won't feel respected and will feel misunderstood. But he won't tell you that. He'll just withdraw so he won't be forced to do things he doesn't want to do.

Instead of forcing him, let him know how happy he will make you if he does something, and then step back. He'll feel like you trust him and in turn will want to make you happy.

5. Cool girl rule #5: Love yourself

A cool girl knows that the way she feels and talks about herself is how a man will feel about her.

When a woman talks negatively about herself, whether it's her weight, her intelligence or her life in general, that's how a man will see her. If she is looking to him for her worth and self-love, he's not going to be interested. He'll see her as needy and not as someone he wants to commit to. But if she loves herself inside and out, he will love her and want to worship her forever.

Starting to get a clearer picture about the kind of woman a man can't help but want to be around and get to know better the kind of woman he sees as a long-term prospect rather than a friend or a casual fling?

Good. I've got much more to tell you about the kind of woman a great guy is attracted to - along with the other five elements you need to understand in order to have a great relationship.

I will talk to ya again soon. Keep on dating! There is someone out there for everyone. Best of luck in love and life!

He "Needs Space"- What It Really Means

Welcome,
Do you know what it means when your boyfriend gets quiet, "zones out" and acts like he doesn't want to talk to you? One minute everything feels great and you're laughing and connecting and the next minute some weird "mood" comes over him and he goes off into his own little world.

Or maybe your relationship is chugging along at full speed, getting closer and closer, and suddenly you feel like YOU are the only one reaching out and connecting...and he is just sitting there? What's up with that? Why do men do this?
If this has ever happened to you, I want you to know that it's critical for you to know why - and what to do about it and what to avoid doing at all costs.

I need you to pay attention here;Because this is important,How you react in a situation like this can mean the difference between him knowing the one woman who can make him happy, or feeling unsure about the future of your relationship.Let me know share a question I recently received from a reader about a situation just like this.
$$$$$$READER'S QUIZ$$$$$

Dear Duken,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost one year and we are very serious about each other. We are even talking about marriage and we have already moved in together.So what's the problem you ask?

Even after all this time, I still find myself trying to figure out what he's thinking sometimes.Sometimes he's a mystery to me, why he does and says some of the things he does, and this scares me a lot and makes me crazy since we are so serious about each other.

For instance, sometimes he just gets quiet and won't talk to me. And it doesn't have to be anything going wrong like a fight or anything for this to happen.He says that he needs his alone time, but I sense that it's because of something I have done that makes him shut down. I'd really like to fix it if I could. I wish I knew how to read these things better or if I even should be reading anything into it at all. Help me out? ...S*

$$$$$ MY COMMENT $$$$$$

I can help you.First of all, I have some good news for you.You can relax.From what I'm hearing about your situation, there is nothing abnormal or wrong with what is happening between you and your boyfriend.

The fact that he's telling you he needs "alone time" doesn't have anything to do with how he feels about you and your "serious" relationship.It has everything to do with how a man approaches relationships, his own "down time" and the "up time" when he is with you.

Many women believe that when a man acts "disengaged" it is because he's not happy, or he's unsatisfied, or he doesn't want to be with you and wants to be with someone else.Not so!As a matter of fact, thinking that there's something wrong with the relationship when a man gets quiet is one of what I call the "Man Myths" that a lot of women believe about men.

The way your boyfriend is behaving is typical and to be expected of a man in a relationship.It doesn't mean something is wrong...for example:Has your guy ever done this? Made plans to spend a night alone with "the guys" after several intense and romantic days with youGo and "zone out" in front of the T.V. or computer after dinner or after a long conversation with you, and acts irritated when you try to interrupt him

Spend huge chunks of time on weekends tinkering around the garage or working on his hobby and not engaged or interested in spending time with you

I'd bet that he's done this more than once and when he does, what do YOU think about what's going through his mind?Do you start wondering if he's angry about something you did or said, or is somehow disapproving of you in some way?

Do you wonder if he cares LESS about you in that moment, or is questioning your relationship? Do you start to talk yourself into feeling, "ok, well he's into his own thing, so I'm going to go off and be into mine."

Or do you think, "well I need to fill my time with other interests since he is OBVIOUSLY not interested in spending his precious time with me."

If you find yourself thinking any of these things, chances are pretty good that you're reacting to him in a way that sends a very negative message - a message that is guaranteed to send him packing or push him away from you.

That's because you're reacting to a myths that you heard somewhere about men - that men really don't care about spending quality, intimate time with women.Ok,I'm a man and I am going to say that again and in all caps because I can!

MEN DO CARE ABOUT SPENDING QUALITY, INTIMATE TIME WITH WOMEN.

What's worse, though, is that by believing the myth that men need alone time because they don't care about you, or would rather not talk because they're disapproving of you in any way is probably causing you to behave in a way that is destructive to your relationship.

Let me explain.You wrote in your email that you feel scared and a little bit crazy when your boyfriend behaves in a way that is a mystery to you.

What if I were to tell you that men have a completely different way of unplugging and decompressing than women do...and that for a man,to spend time alone without talking or having a "deep" conversation is his way of relaxing and getting back some of his mental energy.

And yet you interpret it as meaning that he isn't engaged with you in some way.
The thing is, if you're punishing him in some way for doing things that are actually normal and natural for him as a man, such as needing alone time or time to zone out and decompress, then what you're actually communicating to him is that you don't understand who he is.

And if your man doesn't think that you understand him, then of course he will disengage!You just want him to be exactly like you.But that's not what you really want, is it?
While it's true that there are fundamental differences in men and women, such as the way they decompress and re-energize, it's also true that they have much more in common than you think.

Most women I talk with don't realize that men and women aren't really that different.Look at the list below. Do these sound like myths to you? Actually, they are truths about men and how they feel about relationships.

Men may not admit this readily, but for most men, when they decide that a woman is TRULY the woman for them, it is because she has met these criteria - maybe not all, but definitely most.

She makes him feel cherished.She makes him feel her desire for him, so he never feels unattractive, insignificant or unimportant.He feels safe and secure in the relationship.She makes him spontaneous and fun in a way he hasn't felt like since his youth...and feeling things that can't be planned in a relationship, just like you.
I will talk to ya again soon.Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.Best of luck in life and love!

Five Reasons A Man Falls Out Of Love & Leaves

Welcome,What is going on with your boyfriend when you know he has got strong feelings for you, but he is dragging his feet on committing? There are specific reasons why a man will make the conscious decision to commit to a woman or not.
Those reasons often have little or nothing to do with:a) How long you've been together (b). What everyone else, including you, thinks he "should do" (c). How much you've "invested" in the relationship.

A man will want to commit to you simply because of the way you make him feel.
If he feels that his life will be better with you in it, than without you, he will want to commit to you.But if he is unsure about the future of your relationship because of some lingering doubts in his mind, based on what is happening or not happening in your relationship, then you're already fighting an uphill battle.

Fortunately, there is a way for you to know exactly what to do and say to make sure he is not doubting your relationship. You have the power to make him feel utterly devoted and committed to you.It just takes knowing the secret to what a man is "commitment tempo" is and what it takes for him to want you, and only you, for life.

Well,now let's talk about the reasons why men often leave relationships.

$$$$ Reader's E-mail $$$$

Dukentaxer,
Thanks a lot for being there for us,I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and
a half and we have a great relationship on all levels intellectually, physically, etc.However unfortunately we have been 'head-bashing' over a certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our relationship and now it has literally come to a point where he wants "time out". I have a problem trusting him and want to always control situations. I have constantly been giving him nonsense when he socializes with his female friends, and have an insecurity that he will leave me. It has been very strenuous on him and he actually told me this morning that he wants to be with me but he no longer knows what to do and wants time out of this relationship...

I finally did something right today when speaking to him after reading some of your blog post, I just listened and said that I understood. He said we will discuss it further this evening. I am so lost!!! I don't know what to do to fix this now, and am not sure if this can be "fixable". I Really Love him and he loves me, but it has been carrying on for so long he doesn't want to hear excuses anymore.

Please I need your Help now. What can I do to make this work? I will be forever grateful for your response and save me from this dilemma!
A.Z.

$$$ My Reply $$$$

Well, I'm going to have to lay it on the line for you because you're doing one of the worst things you can do: You're using your Fear and Neediness to justify feeling hurt and pushing your guy away.Imagine if you were to slap yourself silly,
then turn to him and cry and freak out and then blame him for making you do it.
And when he responds by saying, But you just slapped yourself, you go ahead and get even more upset, and act even more emotional, and then wonder, "What did I do to make him doubt our future together? What you're doing has roughly the same effect on your boyfriend as your current thinking and behavior.

Follow me here?

You have to find a way to get this jealousy and fear under control, because no matter how good your relationship with a man might be, or how much reassurance you get from him, it will never be enough for you because your mind will find a way to freak you out.Those negative feelings will keep coming up and driving him away each and every time.

Ask yourself a few important questions:How are all your negative emotions, fears and frustrations affecting the man in your life?

How does it make him think about you, your relationship and future together?

What thoughts and feelings would he share with you if he wasn't afraid of you freaking out?

Take my hint; Being able to listen and understand a man without immediately jumping to conclusions,criticizing or freaking out goes a long way towards creating a strong relationship that meets both your needs.The good news is that your situation isn't hopeless or un-fixable.But there are a few important truths about why men leave relationships with women they really like, or even love, that you need to know.

Reason $1). Why men leave relationships: The Pleasure Principle

Men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships.If you're constantly freaking out on a man about something he?s doing or saying, you're quickly turning into a person who isn't fun to be around.He just won't feel that good around you.This has a huge impact on whether or not he'll want to invest more time and energy into you and your relationship.Or, if he'll decide to give up on trying to fix what?s going on so you can both feel good together.

Reason $2). Why men leave relationships: Emotional Experience and the Future

The way a woman acts in "little" situations become indicators to a man about how she'll respond when things really get tough in the future.So if a woman is constantly emotional or negative, even when a man does what he can to "reassure" her... he isn't going to believe things will get better the longer he's with her.He is going to feel as if he has to "walk on eggshells" around you, and that doesn't make anyone feel good about staying in a relationship.

Reason $3). Why men leave relationships: Lost Feelings of Attraction

Sure, love is important to a man.But experiencing those addicting and exciting feelings of connection and attraction with the woman he loves are just as important. Because when a man feels attraction and love,working out the little problems is a piece of cake.When he stops feeling that connection, he'll forget why he?s with you in the first place, and the relationship will start to feel like a whole bunch of "work" to him.

By the way, trying to "fix" things by talking about working on "the relationship" is a big mistake. A man wants to do fun and enjoyable things together not talk to know it's working.Sometimes a man will say he cares about you,or maybe even loves you, but he'll admit he?s not "in love" with you.If you've ever heard that from your man, it?s a symptom that he?s not feeling that gut-level of attraction for you, despite having affectionate feelings for you.

Creating that gut-level of attraction and sharing that attraction is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter what.I'm not talking about physical attraction,either.I'm talking about the emotional and intellectual attraction that comes from a deeper,more subconscious place.

Reason $4). Why men leave relationships: Neediness!!!

A man wants to be with a woman who brings something better to his life, not take away his time, energy and emotional "stability."So when a woman doesn't have much going on for herself or her life BESIDES the relationship,it's a big red flag to the man.It tells him she focuses too much on the relationship as the source of her happiness.

She stops hanging out with her friends as much, she stops focusing on her own interests or hobbies and she feels "controlled" by the relationship in some way.This not only looks "needy" to a man, but he realizes she isn't bringing a lot into the relationship on her own.

How can you tell you're guilty of this? Have you ever said this to yourself after a
break-up:"I can't believe how I lost touch with my friends while I was with that guy." "I can't believe I let him control me like that." "Where did my life go?" "What happened to the real me? I wasted so much time in that relationship, when I could have been doing things for myself or my future."

The reality is that no man and no relationship can or should be everything to you.You shouldn't have to sacrifice all your time and energy on a man.And the point is, he doesn't want you to. At least, no mature, "together" man will want you to.Controlling, psychotic men? Well, that is another story.

Reason $5). Why men leave relationships: "She's Trying to Fix Me"

A man can and will change and compromise for a woman. It's a fact.I see it all the time when men let go of their "bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman.But a man has to have his own reasons to change. A lot of women try to change a man by
showing him how it will affect them as a couple,not him alone.

People are motivated by things they want, not by things others want. If you want a man to change, you have to try to show him how it will benefit him and him alone, not you or your relationship.Just remember, if a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship and he isn't feeling or experiencing too many of the above "reasons" for leaving, then any issues you have will feel like small bumps in the road to him.He'll be confident, open, and secure about working things out with you.

P.S.
One more quick question;What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious?

Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you?

I actually put together a list of "Top ten "questions that I most commonly get from women like you, who are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to their love lives.Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.

Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and a man what you both Really want an attractive, happy, and together woman. I personally guarantee it.

I will talk to you again soon.Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.Best of luck in love and life!

Does He Want A Relationship? How Do I Know...

This post has several simple and easy to use tips to quickly help you turn around the relationship problems you're having, or get your new but uncertain relationship started off right.

If you feel "stuck" and he doesn't seem to be feeling it for you the way he used to... and just talking and opening up has become a problem between you two and creates more "drama" than it does help you connect- don't keep doing the things that have caused him to withdraw in the first place.

If you'd like a shortcut to the quickest way to get the passion back to where your guy can't help but be affectionate and is wild about spending time alone with you...

Then the quickest way to make him feel this way again, and avoid frustrating arguments that end up nowhere... is to learn the secrets to making a man feel so attracted to you that he'll have to keep you close and connected in your relationship now and in the future.

Learn how to create this kind of attraction right. Well, I want to answer an important question about men and relationships that women ask me all the time.

The answer may surprise you when it comes to what really works to turn around a "troubled” relationship that feels like it's going nowhere and quickly recapture that "spark."Here goes...Question-

"How do I figure out where my relationship is going... and how do I know what he wants and if he feels the same way I do?"

If I had a nickel for every woman who asked this question. Let me put this in perspective for you...

The very best situation to be in if you're starting a new relationship is to have a man so clearly feeling attracted to you that he’s the one who wants to make plans to be with you all the time.

Of course, this involves more than just the plain old physical attraction a man can feel for lots of "attractive" women.

As a woman, you might already get how "easy” Physical Attraction is for a man to feel. ...and how a man can and will be with a woman not because he really likes or loves her... but because he has a strong desire to be physically intimate with her.

It's never a bad thing if a man has this kind of raw passion and desire for you.
But... There has to be something more than him feeling a strong physical desire to be with you if want things to turn into a real relationship.And this is where way too many women make their first mistake with a man-

I call this mistake "The Danger Of A Connection."This is mistaking the Physical Attraction a man feels with you... and the affection, compliments, and "quality time" a man will spend with you as a signal of his desire for a relationship.

When he's simply enjoying the connection you feel. With a man, a great connection does not mean he wants or feels that "relationship feeling" with you-
Even though for lots of women, these things are one in the same. Here's the reality when it comes to men...

A man can share an amazing "connection" with you that is truly intimate and caring, and he can open his heart and mind and body to you very very quickly if he's "feeling it" for you.

But unless he feels a deeper level of interest for you that goes beyond physical attraction... than no matter how much you do or share together, he’s not going to start having the desire to have a real relationship with you.

Instead, he'll simply have one of those "this is good for now" relationships.If you're the kind of woman who wants a man to cherish you, appreciate you, and want to be with you and only you... then this isn't the kind of "connection" and relationship you want.

So to answer the question directly, "How do I know where my relationship is going?"... I’ll tell you-

You know where it's going by creating the feelings inside a man that make him crave being with you... To the point that he can't help but want more.

And when you're doing the things that make a man get out of his "logical brain" that tells him that he should be cautious and careful about a woman and committing to a relationship...

And you get him into his heart where he starts listening to his feelings for you and allowing them to make his decisions about what he wants with you and your relationship...

Only then will you quickly move past any resistance a man might have to moving into a real relationship with you.

And what's more, you'll get to avoid the dreaded uncertain and on again/off again relationship where a man just isn't sure what he wants with you.


"If a man doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want what he's got."
ok, but what does it really mean that if a man doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't wan what he's got?

It means that if you get that awful uncertain feeling from a man where he doesn't seem to know(or care) about where your relationship is going, then he isn't emotionally engaged in your relationship, and there's no amount of talking or pleading or convincing that will make him feel or act differently.

You can't talk a man into wanting something he isn't already feeling - although lots of women make the fatal mistake of trying to convince a man to "get with it" and commit on a deeper level to the relationships.
Too bad that it just doesn't work this way.
And, in fact... if you try to convince a man of the value of your relationship, or your love, or tell him how he should feel... it will completely backfire.

And he'll feel the opposite of attraction for you. He’ll feel repelled by you... and he'll
resist everything about your relationship and the future.

In other words... the answer to knowing where your relationship is going in a man's mind isn't something to look for and find through words and talking to him.

This isn't the language most men speak when it comes to love, relationships, and how they are feeling.

You can tell much much more by a man's actions. His actions don't lie. Why? Well, it's simple but powerful and important once you learn how it works-

A man's actions are ruled by the way he feels. Whatever he feels drives him to act.

So whenever you do something, whenever you say something, or whenever you have a specific feeling or emotion of your own... a man will have a feeling of his own in response to you.

And that feeling in response will drive him to act a certain way.
Here are a few key areas or situations to think about in terms of how the man in your life feels with you, and how he responds:

When he's around you on a day to day basis-When you want to talk about your relationship.When you feel an intense emotion and communicate and share it with him

When he's away from you and sees how you react and respond in his absence
When you're upset or frustrated-When he doesn't seem to listen or respond to you So let me ask you...How does the man in your life feel when he's around you?

Do you share a fun, carefree, loving connection where he feels stronger, more empowered, and more free to pursue his goals and dreams because of you and how you are with him?

Or does he feel restricted, limited, held back, and like a relationship with you will make it harder to live his life and achieve his purpose?

And... since you can tell more about a man from his actions than what he might or might not say... how does he respond to you in these situations?
I want you to think about something very carefully right now that every mature woman discovers at some point in her life when it comes to the way she communicates and interacts in relationships-

The response you get from a man is largely determined by what you say and what you do.Or as others have put it before- "Communication is the response you get."
Meaning... the only measure of how well you Communicate in your relationship is the result of how the other person responds. (Him)

Nothing else really matters... if you're intent on truly being heard and creating a deep level of understanding between you and a man.

But too many women don't have the patience, think or feel like this takes too much "work", or just can't keep their composure and share their feelings and emotions in a way that doesn't just serve to push a man away.

Becoming frustrated when a man doesn't "get it” and blaming him for not understanding you is a sure fire way to end up putting more distance between you and a man - permanently.

The more you ask yourself the question of "How can I make him get it?"... the more you're going to hold on to the mindset that isn't working for you and stay stuck and frustrated with the way things are now.

There's a little secret to the way our minds work. And part of that secret is this-
Whatever questions we put into our minds, our minds will constantly be trying to find a way to work out the answer for us.

Here's the problem with this... People are constantly asking themselves the wrong questions... or questions that only lead to more problems and questions.
In other words... the questions you ask yourself have everything to do with the kind of answers you get back from your mind, and from the world around you.

Most women who are uncertain about their relationships and don't know where things are headed ask themselves questions such as:

a) "Why isn't he interested in talking and moving our relationship forward?"

b) "How come he's afraid of committing?"

c) "Why didn't he call me?"

If you look at all 3 of these questions, which are ones I hear women ask all the time, you’ll notice that there's something similar going on inside all of these questions-

These questions all come from a "negative" belief that something is wrong, and are asking not how to do something right... but instead
focus on what's going wrong.
The question you ask yourself not only determines where your "energy", attention, and focus go...

But the more you pay attention to them, the more you’ll start to see that they actually share the way you see the world... and the way the world looks back and responds to you.

Men included. The right questions to ask instead would be:

1) "How does it work for a man to want to move a
relationship forward, and what can I do to help
this happen?"

2) "What does it take for a man to commit?"

3) "Why do some men constantly communicate and
share with the women in their lives... and how
do I create this in my relationship?"

Now you're on the right track. I think you're starting to see the difference,
and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
If you're looking to find out what it really takes to make a man feel that intense attraction for you that goes beyond Physical Attraction...

And reaches inside him to a deeper emotional level that allows him to truly connect with you and experience what it takes for him to know that you’re the kind of woman he wants to be with now and in the future... and who he is ready and willing to commit to, then there's something you need to remember-

What a man does (his actions) are determined by the way he feels.
And if a man feels a deep level of attraction for you, then his actions will instantly reflect this in his openness to give and share his love with you... and to move into a more serious and lasting relationship.

But if you make the common mistakes lots of women make such as trying to convince a man to feel more or want more with you... you'll only make things worse and have him withdraw even further.

I want to help make sure you avoid the common mistakes women make in trying to build a deeper connection and relationship with a man that accidentally turn a man off instead.

"Convincing" is just one of several "strategies” that is sure to fail with even a great guy. There’s a better way...

To learn exactly what you can start doing to make the man in your life quickly start feeling and experiencing this deep gut-level attraction for you, no matter what was happening before...learn all about the attraction secrets that work with men in relationships.
You can learn my foundational tips, insights, and get to the bottom of what's going on inside the mind of a man by putting them into practice.

I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!

How Good Relationships Go Bad…And What To Do About It…

You know that men and women can successfully communicate with each other.After all, communicating is how you got to be seriously involved with your man in the first place.
I’m also sure you remember how fun and exciting it was when the two of you first met… how you were absolutely crazy about each other… and how communicating with each other was natural and easy…

But… as two people get to know each other better and become closer to one another, things change...

When you first meet a man, you are less likely to be judgmental of him… and less likely to get your feelings hurt by something he says or does.As a result, he’s more likely to be honest with you… and a lot more open to communication… because he’s not as worried that you will react negatively to him.

But as you grow closer together, things change…It’s only natural for you to become more judgmental of his actions and words, and for him to become more judgmental of yours.

This can create more barriers to solid, clear communication… as I’m sure you already know.Those little “annoyances” that people naturally begin to have about people they spend a lot of time with begin to start appearing… and experiences from past communications begin to mold future interactions…

This can lead to more dishonesty with each other… which often starts out as a “white lie”… and spirals into an all-out fight!For example… let’s say there was a time when you asked your man what he did the other night when you weren’t together… and he openly told you that he went out with his friends to a bar…

Upon hearing this, it’s very common for a woman to give him a little bit of “crap” for not taking her along… or maybe feel a little jealous and hint---or even flat out accuse him---of going out to meet other girls.

Think about how these behaviors can subconsciously “train” a man to act the next time he’s in a similar situation…The next time he goes out with the boys and you ask him about it later, even if he kept his eyes on the football game the entire time, it could make MORE sense to him to tell you what he feels is a “white lie”---maybe that he “stayed home”...simply because he doesn’t want you to get worked up!

But then the next day you find the receipt from his bar tab on the counter… and all hell breaks loose...Now… I’m not saying that you have personally done this particular thing to make your man resistant to communicating with you… this is just an example.

My point is, as if his upbringing wasn’t enough… there are all kinds of other things that make a man resistant to communication…

Some of them occur naturally in a relationship… and some of them you may be bringing about yourself.Your man may also have other external barriers to communication that you aren’t aware of… such as stress in other areas of his life… insecurities he has with himself… or even “baggage” from past relationships.

Either way in order to effectively communicate with your man, it’s important that you learn what his particular barriers to open communication are and how to help him overcome them in a way that makes him excited about doing it.

When you do this correctly, your man will not only listen to what you have to say… but also open up to you… and even begin to take an active interest in your feelings… every single day.

So what are the right ways to achieve this?

Well… unless you’ve been living in a cave, I’m sure you’ve heard what some of the so-called relationship “experts” have to say about this.

But the fact of the matter is…They are dead wrong.I’d like to share with you 3 all-too-common communication “myths”… techniques that are supposed to bring you and your man closer together by getting him to open up to you… but in reality… are almost guaranteed to push him farther away…

Let’s get right into it...Myth 1): Telling A Man Exactly How You Feel Is What’s Most Important

Is it important to share your feelings in your relationship?Absolutely. Doing so is what gives your relationship intimacy and depth and makes it real.

But do most of us do a good job saying how we feel when we’re upset, hurt, or frustrated by something and we really need someone else to hear us and lend us some understanding?

Absolutely not.Instead, we end up communicating in a way that not only keeps us from getting the response or outcome we want (having the other person understand us)… but it actually ends up making things worse.

Now, I get that it’s frustrating to think or feel like you can’t just “be yourself” with a man and share all your feelings with him. I know that if you don’t have the freedom to experience and express your feelings, or if a man won’t listen to you and try to understand you at all… then your relationship is going to feel like it’s a dead-end.

That’s why lots of women end up feeling like they have to “stuff” some of their emotions down inside themselves if they want to keep their relationship going with a man.

But the reality is that it doesn’t have to be this way, and you can share your feelings with a man and not have it back-fire on you… but only if you learn the right way to do it.

One of the reasons so many women have problems when they share their feelings isn’t just because men don’t “get it”. It’s because most of the “conventional wisdom” out there tells you that when you have a feeling (especially a negative one), you’re supposed to try and be clear about your feelings and say “I feel angry...” or “I feel sad…” or “I feel hurt”.

Some call this using “I statements”. This is a communication technique where you simply state the feelings you are having to start the conversation.

Well, have you ever tried this with a man? If so, did it get you the results you wanted?Exactly. Not even close.

You probably got either that blank, withdrawn, passive-aggressive response where he did nothing to acknowledge or respect your feelings… or you got that instantly angry or irritated “rejecting” response where he tried to turn your feelings back on you and blame you or criticize you for having them in the first place. As though you were being “too emotional” and making life unnecessarily difficult.

If you start using “I statements” and you weren’t using them before… you’re actually going to get a better response from the man in your life… at first. But you’re going to quickly end up right back where you started if you don’t know why “I statements” work… and the other critical pieces to good communication that have to go along with them… or else.

Try thinking of it this way...

If you wanted to lose some weight and firm up your waist, you might start doing sit-ups. And after sticking with your sit-up workout for weeks or months, you would expect some inches to drop from your waistline.

But what if you also had the habit of having several pieces of chocolate cake every day… and after doing your sit-ups, you ate some cake? Would you still lose the weight?

Obviously not. Sit-ups are only one part of what can help you lose weight… but they won’t get the job done on their own.

In other words, if you ignore all the other important components to weight loss… then even though you’re disciplined with your sit-up workout, you aren’t going to get the results you want.

Well… it’s the same with using “I statements”. They are a great technique or tool in communicating with a man, and you may even see some immediate short-term results.

But if you are still repeating your other bad habits (chocolate cake), you won’t really solve the problem and you’ll put the pounds right back on.

That’s why… by using “I statements”, you’ve only interrupted your old pattern of communication.

And when you just change your old pattern, you haven’t actually changed what’s been going on and being shared at a deeper level. You’ve only created a new pattern that rests on the same emotional patterns, and is therefore sure to find it’s way back to the same kind of rejecting or ignoring emotional responses you were getting in the past.

Myth 2): A Man Will Fix Your Negative Communication “Patterns” When He Finally “Opens Up”

In case you haven’t realized it yet, most couples have several very distinct patterns they play out over and over in their relationship.It might be a certain argument that keeps being “re-hashed”.

It might be a recurring source of conflict.Or it might be some bad experience from the past that keeps coming up.But part of the pattern always includes some way of coming back together in the end… until the next go round.

You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about if you picture in your mind a couple you know who fights a lot… and you look at what’s actually going on besides the words that they’re saying.

Sure, the words might be what appear on the surface; but the argument and the source of pain, anger, or resentment isn’t really about the words if you stop to think about it.

The reality is that all these different arguments and all these conflicts have something in common – the same basic emotional pattern keeps going on underneath the surface.

By the way, proof that these emotional patterns can be seen when your relationship has been going great for a while... a man has been acting and responding to you differently… and then the “old” guy comes out again and acts the way he used to.

It’s at these times that you feel like for all the work that’s gone into your relationship, it hasn’t really grown one bit. And now you’re back at square one with him acting the way he used to when things were bad, when you thought things were different now.

But the truth is that there was an old negative emotional pattern between the both of you.Unfortunately, the mistake most women make is to believe this pattern only exists because of the man in their life doing something wrong, and them having to respond.

When in reality the negative emotional pattern going on in their relationship is, by definition, something that plays on the fears and frustrations of both sides.

There’s an old wise saying I always come back to:“It takes two.”A pattern exists between two people because both people play a part in perpetuating the cycle or the pattern they are experiencing.

It basically works like this - when one person acts one way to start a pattern, the other person has a common and predictable response that is exactly what pushes the pattern further along. That’s how patterns work and why they are patterns – they reinforce themselves.

That is why whatever each person in the pattern does, whether they believe they are right or wrong, they are actually adding energy to the negative and destructive nature of the pattern and reinforcing its strength and power over them.

Following me here?The point of this is… if you want to break a pattern in your relationship with a man, the only quick and fool-proof way to do so is to make sure you stop reinforcing the pattern and adding energy to it.

A common example of a negative pattern you can probably relate to is when a woman is frustrated that a man won’t open up. (being “closed” is a common male behavior that starts negative patterns in relationships)

When this happens, lots of women get frustrated and try to get the man to open up and listen and share… and without realizing it, they do it in a way that makes a man feel criticized for not being a good partner and knowing how to make her happy. (This is their emotional response or “feedback” that reinforces more of the negative emotional pattern within the man)

And so the man either gets angry or shuts down more.And then the woman has her own negative reaction to this.

And so continues the pattern… back and forth, from one to the other, triggering destructive behavior and responses on both sides.

Myth 3): “Listening” Means A Man Is Going To Be Happy With What You Have To Say

I doubt you realize it right now, but you have an amazing amount of power when it comes to affecting a man with your thoughts, words, and feelings.

An unbelievable amount of power and influence, actually. You just don’t realize it from where you are.Here’s a fascinating way to think about it.

Most men out there spend a large portion of their daily lives trying to be strong, focused, and unaffected by the problems and distractions of the world so that they can “be men” and strive for what they think of as “success”.

They engage in challenges, fights, negotiations, etc… all things that encourage men to make themselves less “vulnerable” to pain and emotional distress.

In a sense, men spend a lot of energy learning to “turn off” their sensitivity and get things done... and act as though it’s a ‘rite of passage’ and a ‘must’ for a man to be this way.

And in spite of all that, guess what?A woman can come along and instantly “undo” all that work a man has put into building up his strength and “invulnerability” with just a few words out of her mouth… and she can do so in a way that no amount of fighting, struggle, pain, etc. with anyone else but the woman he’s close to could ever bring about.

If that’s not power, I don’t know what is.Most women don’t realize and accept the power that their thoughts, feelings, and words have on the man in their life. In fact, they become fooled and blinded into thinking that they have no power at all because when they share their feelings with a man, he doesn’t respond in the way they expect or want him to.

This is kind of like thinking you can’t sing because you break all the glass in the room each time you let a note ring out.

The fact is that you are tremendously powerful when it comes to influencing a man with your thoughts, emotions, and words. You just need to learn to harness your power and use it to create the response you want.

Or to use our metaphor… if you’re singing along with a group of singers, it doesn’t matter how great you can hit the notes you want if you aren’t singing in the right key - you’re going to sound “off” and make the entire group sound awful as a result.

When you share your feelings with a man, he isn’t always supposed to accept everything you have to say, understand it all on the spot, and feel happy about it.

This isn’t how mature couples communicate.Often times, just like any human being, he will be “singing in his own key”, to use our metaphor again.

Unfortunately, women who are less mature or easily distracted or upset emotionally when they don’t get the response they want end up losing their cool and doing and saying things that are destructive to their relationship… When all the while when things didn’t look “perfect” on the surface, everything was working just fine. They just didn’t know what a real mature conversation looked like. And what it meant when a man was, in fact, being mature and “healthy” in the way he was communicating and responding.

There is a better way. A way that moves beyond the “tit-for-tat” dynamic at the heart of relationships that go from withdrawn, to argumentative, to making-up but not getting past what’s going on beneath the surface.



I will talk to you again soon.
Keep on Dating There is someone out there for
everyone.
Best of luck in life and love!