You as Woman,the thing you must know about your life is that you have choices. You have options. You have rights. You are not a belonging, you are not ruled by emotions, you are ruled by common sense. However,after enduring abuse we tend to disregard our common sense and logical thoughts - and let our emotions rule our life. This is the trap that keeps you hooked.
Yet,there is hope.There is promise to a better life and a freedom above and beyond emotional and psychological imprisonment.When power,control,and violence become the prevalent modes of resolving conflicts, abuse takes place.
If you are the victim of abuse any kind of abuse you should face the facts that you can't see while caught in the 'trap' of abuse you are not responsible. The abuser may take out his rage on you, but do not make the common mistake of taking 'ownership' over their rage. It is not yours, it is theirs.
Give it back to them and stop playing God! And remember, what is upsetting to the abuser goes deeper and beyond what you see. No, it isn't about how you cooked dinner, or that you forget to pick up the dry cleaning, or that the man in the corner of the restaurant 'looked' at you. You are just the doorway he needs to vent. By placing blame at your feet he is doing one of two things.
1). He is attempting to control you.
2). He is attempting to turn his own shame outward by directing it onto others rather you.
This abolishes him from the inner turmoil and self-doubts that rage through his veins.
Well,you ask,'what about therapy?' What about it?! Therapy doesn't work in most cases. In fact, therapy is usually sought by the abuser simply as another means to 'control' you. They have absolutely no intention of seeking help, because they have absolutely no intention of doing anything - but keeping you.
The sad truth is, abusers very rarely, if ever, stop their abusive ways. They swear they will, they promise anything. But usually all this means is the next time the abuse will be worse - because the next time they know that you may just leave them this time, after this 'last' and 'final' break of their promise.
Fact - get out.
Fiction - things can change if you just love them harder and try to get to the root of the problem.
Fact - you can not get them help. You can only get you help.
But how many times have you heard this? You are like the teenager who has grown up with the repeated advice that drugs are bad yet continue to try them out anyway.
Why? Could facts, experience, proof, and life's little instruction book only apply to other people? Are you special? Different? Is your abuser special and different from other abusers? Don't kid yourself! Drugs kill. Abusers kill. Those are the cold-hard facts and ...yes ...they do apply to you.
It is up to you to take the action required to remove yourself, and your children if applicable, from any abusive situation. That is the only way possible to help the abuser. As long as you are there the atmosphere is unhealthy, the abuse escalates, the abuser becomes more aware of having a 'problem', the abuser denies responsibility for 'the problem',the abuser redirects the problem onto you. The abuser has no need to change.
Do not believe the abuser when he claims the abuse is your fault. Never! And let's just say for the sake of saying that it is your fault. That you are a loser, a bad housewife, ignorant, stupid, forgetful, worthless, inconsiderate ,whatever does that justify abuse?
NO! If my 11-year-old cousin was mentally handicapped would I be justified in abusing him? NO! My dog is not very intelligent and he chewed my slipper. Can I beat the dog? NO! Abuse is never justified. Never called for. Never excused. Never reasoned away.
Abuse is abuse. Part of our rights as a human is to demand respect and to give respect in return. Physically, emotionally, verbally, or mentally abusive behavior demonstrates the highest level of disrespect. This is the man who loves you sooo much, but is just 'confused'? Quit kidding yourself. That's not love.
That is an ill, sick person who clings to you with desperation one minute, and pulls you by the hair out onto the front lawn the next. Wake up!
More on the same in my next post...
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life. Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
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