Friday, February 20, 2009

How To Come Across To A Man As Unique

Once you realize that men often date constantly, know lots of different women, and have had several past relationships that didn't go well for them either, you begin to realize that they must start to see patterns in the way women behave around them… just like the patterns you recognize with men.

Here's a great question for you.What do you think the most common pattern is that men see in women?

If you haven't already guessed it, it's the pattern of a woman trying to convince a man to make more of the relationship and change or feel something that they can't “control.”

Lots of women do this and don't even know it. But here's the worst part how men respond. When women take on “convincing” or pleading behaviors, there's a common, frustrating, and destructive male response - withdrawal.

Let me paint a brief picture for you of the pattern men see and fear in this situation In the guy's mind, the withdrawal scenario usually goes something like…

Whoa! When did this turn from fun into a ton of work? Things have been great, but now it feels “different” because she's unsatisfied and pushing on me to define our relationship. And I haven't even decided what I want exactly, or what the heck it is that I'm feeling here.

And now that the easy chemistry and attraction we used to have has changed- I guess “the magic” is gone. I guess I'll just skip all the trouble that I know from past experiences is about to come up and pull away.”

Well, guess what? Trying to convince a man to act a certain way or feel something with you is the best approach to use if you love spending all your nights alone cuddled up watching Oprah reruns in your tv.

But seriously If you recognize anything about these situations, then you know from experience that the more a man pulls away, the more you feel like you need to talk to him and show him what he's doing wrong that's driving you both apart.

And hey, I get it. Men can sure be clueless idiots that actually do need help to notice the dumb things they're doing.

But unfortunately, here's where most women learn the wrong lesson about men. Because a man won't easily open up and stay connected, a woman will actually start trying to do all the communication and work for him. Sometimes women start to fill in the blanks and play connect the dots with all the past situations and conversations so that they can figure out exactly what's going on and why he's being totally unresponsive and withdrawn so they can fix it.

This hopeless strategy works for a few days or weeks, but only serves to make both the man and the woman more frustrated in the long run.
There's a right way to go about it, and lots of wrong ways that will get you nowhere.

It's time to stop sending the signals and displaying behaviors that almost instantly bring up negative and predictable patterns men see and fear in women.

And yes, men could stand to grow up and deal with their own fears. But you can also help them and yourself out by learning the easily avoided male triggers and “buttons” that activate fears and issues most men have around women, love, and relationships.

It’s vital that you avoid these common “danger buttons” and to connect with a man in a way that naturally leads him to seek intimacy and sharing with you, instead of the isolation and withdrawal that other women have unknowingly encouraged in him.


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