Saturday, May 10, 2008

Why Men “Pull Away” From Some Women…

Dear Friend,

When someone we care about rejects our efforts to become closer to them, it’s not a fun feeling.But an even worse feeling than that is not knowing why??.

Of course, the men in these situations are rarely any help.They will usually try to explain themselves by saying dumb things like...

“It's not you, it's me.”Or another predictable male “excuse” such as, “I'm just not ready for a serious relationship.” I know this very well… because I've been “that guy” in the past…

I’ve been the guy who withdraws… the kind who spontaneously gets “scared” when a relationship gets close and intimate… and the kind of guy that can make a real, close, loving, lasting relationship seem impossible.

I’ll admit it. I know all about “that guy”… because that guy has been me.But let me let you in on a couple of secrets… the first of which you might already know:

  1. The “excuses” I mentioned above, and all of the rest of the common “man excuses”… are a bunch of b.s.

  2. Deep down, 99% of all men are ready for a relationship… and would love to find that special woman… someone with whom they could finally let their guard down, and experience true love.

Trust me on this one. I’ve known more than a few “players”… and while some men will date several women at once, it’s only because they haven’t met  one they are really looking for.

In fact… over the years I’ve seen every one of these guys bring their “playing” to a screeching halt when they met someone they were really into. I’m sure you’ve seen this happen with guys you know…

I’m also embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve actually said both of the “excuses” I mentioned above on more than one occasion… and after the perspective I’ve gained from years of understanding myself and other men, I finally realized that I never actually meant it when I said it… and neither do other men.

You know what I’m talking about here from experience… When a man says one thing, but you intuitively know it’s another… but he can never see it for himself, no matter how hard you try and show or convince him.

The reality is that I, and most other men, have never pulled away from a woman because I wasn’t “ready for a relationship”… or because I “got nervous” or “wanted to take things slow”… although that’s all we could see to understand about ourselves and communicate at the time.

A female friend of mine recently had the unfortunate experience of having a man pull away from her because he “wasn’t ready for something serious”… only to jump into a serious relationship with another woman just a few weeks later.

Hmm...So why do men pull away from certain women… but fall head over heels for others? Let me let you in on another little secret.

The Secret Reason a Man Will never Tell You About Why He Didn’t Want you

Although what I’m about to tell you may upset you, it’s actually good news

Here it is,When a man pulls away from a woman, it is not because men are “screwed up".And… it’s not because he has doubts about being in a relationship.

It’s because he has doubts about being in a serious relationship with that particular woman.Something is missing with that woman that makes him think that she is not the one for him to settle down with… and that he can do better…

Here’s something else you should know.When this happens, it’s usually never over a “little thing”.It’s also almost never because a man isn’t attracted to you physically (if that was the case, he wouldn’t have gotten that close to you in the first place.)

It also doesn’t necessarily mean that he wasn’t at least somewhat attracted to you emotionally.What it does mean is that there wasn’t enough attraction there to lead him to feel that you were the one for him.

So was there anything you could have done about it?

The answer is yes.And the good news is that it’s actually quite simple to give a man that powerful “gut feeling” that tells him you are the one.It all comes down to understanding just a few important things about men.

How To Give A Man That “Forever Feeling” So He Knows Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt That You Are The Perfect Woman For Him…

After years of research, and talking to hundreds of both men and women about what is important to them in a loving, connected relationship… I've found that there are 5 things a woman must understand in order to make a man feel those special feelings for her…

Simply put, a woman who understands these  things never has problems with men becoming “distant” or pulling away… her main problem is usually men wanting to get too serious, too fast!

On the other hand, failure to understand these things will hurt your chances of finding, attracting, and staying connected with a man over the long-term… no matter how infatuated he may be with you in the “honeymoon stage”.Here they are:

1. How Attraction Works For Men And How To Create The Feeling of Attraction Inside A Man In A Way That Awakens More Than Just His Physical Senses And “Short Term” Interest

The main thing you must understand to guarantee the man you want to be with feels the same way about you is attraction.More specifically how attraction works for men.

Sadly, most women will never figure this out… and end up sabotaging their chances of experiencing a loving relationship with the man they want… without ever realizing what they did wrong…

Have you ever thought about what attraction really is?The fact is that most of us have never considered the “nature” of attraction…and how it works.Think about it for a minute… What is “attraction” anyway? And what does it have to do with love? or lust?

This motivated me to spend the last few years studying, researching, and observing to build a clear map and picture of how attraction works---in both the short a long term---so that I could share my understanding and help others.

Of course… simply knowing what attraction is isn't enough.What’s really important, if you want things to grow and last with a man, is knowing how to create it.

If you want to take a man from “Hello…” to a first date, to meeting you again, to talking and sharing deeper things about each other, to attraction, to more “lasting attraction”, to intimacy… and all the way to “I have to tell you that I love you”… then you're going to have to get the hang of turning up the level of attraction a man is feeling for you and knowing how and when to dial it up and down…

Men respond to anticipation, tension, and other ingredients of attraction. And if used correctly, they will amplify each other… leading to a very strong, deep level of attraction.

If you want men to feel that gut level attraction inside that's more than the “she's cute or hot enough to date for a little while” that some guys feel, then you're going to need to evolve for yourself a  understanding how communication works.

And get this;A woman who learns to create this kind of attraction and make a man feel these feelings will not only have a closer, more open and “connected” man, but she'll also have a better long-term partner… a partner who will often figure out and deal with some of the “natural” challenges that come up in relationships for her.

In other words, you won't have to be the one doing all the work anymore to keep the relationship ALIVE. The relationship won't just die or fall apart if you stop compensating for HIM. You won't have all that “weight” that comes with being the only one in a relationship who cares enough to think about, analyze and learn how to get past the common but dangerous “issues” in a REAL, HONEST, LOVING RELATIONSHIP.

Again, the good news is that this is fairly easy to learn… and when you get this down… and know how to create a GUT LEVEL attraction inside a man that leads to him feeling an intense and lasting desire to be with you… everything else will just fall into place…

2. The Things That DESTROY Attraction And Lead A Man To Say “I’m Not Ready For A Relationship”… And How To Avoid Them

Have you ever met a man where you both connected deeply, things moved FAST because it felt so right, but then the unthinkable happened when you finally talked one day… and he said that he actually wasn't that “into” you and a relationship after all… even though his thoughts, behavior and feelings told you an entirely different story about him all along?

They key to avoiding this is to learn both how attraction is created AND destroyed.

It's a pain, but once a man decides that you're the “I'm just not ready for a relationship” girl to him (translation: you acted predictable and lack emotional intelligence enough to prove that you're going to be less and less comfortable, fun and easygoing as time goes on) then that's it…

You don't want to create this feeling or idea in a man's head and kill the deeper level attraction he could feel for you.

It’s CRUCIAL that you learn how to “keep the ball in the air” and keep the attraction building… not just physically, but emotionally… which is the trickiest part with a man.

It’s also crucial that you learn how to easily and almost effortlessly KEEP a man feeling that intense desire and attraction inside a relationship… and not just in the early dating stages.

3. Understanding How To Read And Respond To A Man's “Emotional World”

This ONE AREA OF MISUNDERSTANDING is the source of so many easily avoided problems and challenges that ruin budding relationships for smart, loving women with men that it frustrates me to see it happen… because it's so easy to fix once you “get it”.

As you probably already know, men can be dangerous, or just plain stupid, when it comes to dealing with their feelings and emotions.

Here's a quick story along these lines that I've got to share with you…

Several months ago I was invited to speak at a conference to around 200 men about dating and relationships. I thought it would be fascinating for all of us if we talked about how a man and a woman can emotionally “connect” in a more direct way and bypass a lot of wasted time in dating, arguments, rejection, hurt feelings, mini break-ups, etc…

I knew that if men could have more awareness around this, and use the tools I had for them in my presentation to better connect with women, then they'd be a whole lot better off. (And so would the women they were dating!)

As you might expect, I saw more than a few blank stares in the audience during this topic.

It's not often you have a room full of men talking about how to better “emotionally connect” to a woman. Well, we were, and here's where it got even more FASCINATING…

When I got to the end of my presentation, I decided to take some one-on-one questions from the guys in the audience. The first two were great questions from a couple of guys that I could tell got a lot out of the conversation.

But then this third guy stood up…

He looked like your average, nice, thoughtful, polite guy and had a soft and calculated voice. He quietly stood up, took the microphone and asked, “Excuse me… but um… what's a connection?”

Wow! I was floored by the question… Not because I couldn't answer it, but because of what it meant about him… and about other men who were thinking the same…

At that moment, I couldn't believe that a human being could actually not know what an emotional connection with another human being was. That still messes with my brain.

Ok, maybe he actually WAS an alien… lol. But here's the point…

After thinking about it, I remembered that this guy who asked the question about a connection was really just another man, and not even much of an unusual one.

And right then, as I thought about this, I had an AMAZING REALIZATION…

All the thinking, research, writing and explaining that I've done in the past on how men are different when it comes to communication and relationships seemed to actually sell the idea short now that I had heard the truth “from the horse's mouth”. The way men understand (or don't understand) emotions, feelings, relationships and connection was even more extreme than I had thought (and I already thought the differences were pretty extreme.)

Of course, after this happened, scrambled for my journal, my notebook and my laptop to write down what started pouring out of me… I began digging even deeper into studies, research, interviews, observations, and experiences from my life so that I could explain exactly what this meant and what was really going on here inside the minds of most men.

That's when a lot of my most recent material on emotional connection and what creates lasting and long term attraction in relationships with men was created.

Lately, I like to ask women, “Have you ever taken the time to sit down and really and truly picture and imagine what it must be like to be an attractive and 'masculine' man?”

Of course, the answer is always, “No.”

Men might act emotionally strong, indifferent, and even cold, but most men are surprisingly fragile emotionally. The thing is… it's just not part of their more “masculine” make up to display or talk about these things much of the time and to avoid the opportunity they bring for connection and intimacy.

Instead, they often express their emotions in more symbolic and indirect ways… when it comes to dating and relationships, most women commonly misinterpret or react negatively to a man's “natural” emotional displays.

Think about this…

Attractive men who are smart, handsome, and successful are flirted with and approached all the time.

These men have OPTIONS.

And some of the more “needy” and desperate women who try for their attention have no idea whatsoever what it takes to get an attractive man's attention and KEEP IT.

And even if these women do date a guy for a while and things “seem” good, if a woman doesn't understand how things work for HIM, and how his feelings are triggered without all the neediness, emotional pleading, sexual enticements, etc., then there's no way the man's going stay attracted and interested for the long term.

It isn't “fair”, and it can just suck, but if a woman doesn't understand how to create attraction, how a man's emotions open up and close off, and why… then a man just won't FEEL IT for her as time passes - even if the connection USED TO BE THERE.

Understanding this mindset… how it affects a man's personality… and (this is key) what kinds of “games” men play to diplomatically and politely excuse themselves or withdraw from any future commitment is HIGHLY important.

I know how frustrating it can be with what seems like so many “games” going on and so much to think about just for the simple feeling and sharing of love.

And isn't true love supposed to just “happen” and be free of all this?

Well… the thing is, once you start to understand more about a man's emotional world and how to help him tune into yours, it won't seem or feel like work to you at all.

You'll be able to get back into that “flow” where love IS shared and expressed easily… and you will both start to naturally understand and fulfill each other.

Instead of letting typical male “games” get to you, I'm going to teach you how to understand them so you can keep them from happening, and show you how to make them work FOR YOU if they do.

If there's one thing that attractive men seem to respond to universally, it's A WOMAN WHO GETS WHAT'S GOING ON EMOTIONALLY for herself AND for him.

THAT’S when a man will share his love with you.

Being a woman who already “gets” what an emotional connection is, you're way ahead of the game with a man.

Now you've got to learn exactly how to put that advantage to use in your love life for good.

It’s time to learn to see things in a completely different way… which will lead to you becoming almost MAGNETICALLY ATTRACTIVE to men for more than just a fling. Really. Your emotions and your ability and power to connect are your own set of “pre-wired tools”. All you need to do is start using them the right way…

4. How To Come Across To A Man As UNIQUE

Once you realize that men often date constantly, know lots of different women, and have had several past relationships that didn't go well for them either, you begin to realize that THEY MUST START TO SEE PATTERNS in the way women behave around them… just like the patterns you recognize with men.

Here's a great question for you…

What do you think the most common pattern is that men see in women?

If you haven't already guessed it, it's the pattern of a woman trying to CONVINCE a man to make more of the relationship and change or feel something that they can't “control.”

LOTS of women do this and don't even know it.

But here's the worst part---how men RESPOND.

When women take on “convincing” or pleading behaviors, there's a common, frustrating, and destructive male response - WITHDRAWAL.

Let me paint a brief picture for you of the pattern men see and fear in this situation…

In the guy's mind, the withdrawal scenario usually goes something like…

“Whoa! When did this turn from fun into a ton of work? Things have been great, but now it feels “different” because she's unsatisfied and pushing on me to define our relationship…”

“And I HAVEN'T EVEN DECIDED what I want exactly, or what the heck it is that I'm feeling here…”

“And now that the easy chemistry and attraction we used to have has changed- I guess “the magic” is gone…”

“I guess I'll just skip all the trouble that I know from past experiences is about to come up and pull away.”

Well, guess what? Trying to convince a man to act a certain way or feel something with you is the best approach to use if you love spending all your nights alone cuddled up watching Oprah reruns in your PJs.

But seriously… If you recognize anything about these situations, then you know from experience that the more a man pulls away, the more you feel like you need to talk to him and show him what he's doing wrong that's driving you both apart.

And hey… I get it.

Men can sure be clueless idiots that actually do need help to notice the dumb things they're doing.

But unfortunately, here's where most women learn the WRONG LESSON about men… Because a man won't easily open up and stay connected, a woman will actually start trying to do all the communication and “work” for him. Sometimes women start to “fill in the blanks” and play “connect the dots” with all the past situations and conversations so that they can figure out exactly what's going on and why he's being totally unresponsive and withdrawn so they can fix it.

This hopeless strategy works for a few days or weeks, but only serves to make BOTH the man and the woman more frustrated in the long run.

There's a right way to go about it, and lots of wrong ways that will get you nowhere.

It's time to stop sending the signals and displaying behaviors that almost instantly bring up negative and predictable patterns men see and fear in women.

And yes, men could stand to grow up and deal with their own fears. But you can also help them and yourself out by learning the easily avoided male “triggers” and “buttons” that activate fears and issues most men have around women, love, and relationships.

It’s VITAL that you avoid these common “danger buttons” and to connect with a man in a way that naturally leads him to seek intimacy and sharing with you, instead of the isolation and withdrawal that other women have unknowingly encouraged in him.

5. Know What To Expect In Common Situations… And The best Ways Of Handling Them

I can still remember when I first started working with women around dating and relationships… one of the things I noticed first was that most women talked about the same few things men did that caused problems in their relationships.

Looking deeper, most of these women also had these same things come up several times in previous relationships with different men.

Once I realized this, two things hit me like a brick…

First, most women had the same problems and situations with different men. Somehow, the same things that had limited or destroyed their previous situations kept coming back with the different guys they would date.

I had to find out more about this and why it was happening this way for so many women.

Secondly, most women just plain didn't know what to expect  in each situation with a man. They were caught off guard, frustrated, upset or shocked by both the things they had seen and dealt with before with other men and by other new, but also common, situations.

Lots of women get freaked out because they don't understand what's going on with several unfortunately common, immature, and predictable relationship behaviors men have. (Hint - lots of these behaviors are actually harmless displays of male “resistance” and withdrawal to deep connection and true intimacy, but they're only harmless IF a woman knows what these are and isn't freaked out by them)

It’s very important that you learn what to expect… including the types of responses you're most likely to get in various situations, what's most likely to happen, the intentional and unintentional ways that a man will “test” you… and more.

You'll stay more comfortable, more assured, more confident, less stressed, happier, more positive… the list goes on, and so do the benefits to you and your relationship.

The Secrets Of Natural And Lasting Attraction

In the last few years I’ve come to realize that many women have confusion around what makes a man actually feel attraction… and how that intrinsically leads to a lasting long term situation…

The truth is that most women have a “false belief” about what makes a man want to be with her, and how he feels attracted to her.

When I realized this, it was a huge “Aha!” for me… and I was determined to figure out the specific things a woman could do to create and experience more attraction and love in her life…regardless of the problems a man might have.

And now… after several years of research and conversations with men, women, dating experts, scientists, and everything else in between… I’m pleased to say I’ve finally figured it out…

And now… I want to share my discoveries with you.If you’re ready to take control of your love life and open yourself up to a world of passion and romance that can only be found in a deep, loving, connected relationship with a man… I have some very exciting news for you…

I’ve just put the finishing touches on a brand new program designed to give you the skills and understanding to create powerful feelings of attraction in a man that go far beyond the “physical”… making him feel literally addicted to being around you for all the right reasons…

In it, I'm going to take you behind the scenes and explain some profound concepts to you that it's taken me years to research, discover, and formulate… and put it all into simple language that you can understand, and most importantly, use to create an amazing love life.

You're going to learn some of the secrets and strategies of deep emotional connections and communication that develop a more lasting attraction in a man with everything you do (and don't do).

We're going to focus on the critical skills of building attraction and setting the foundation for more “long term” attraction… from the very start…

You've gotten a few clues from me in my book and newsletters… and now I want to give you the complete map.

It's been over a year since I wrote my last book, and in that time I've developed what I think are some of the best concepts, ideas, and actual “love strategies” available anywhere to help a woman learn and understand the world of connection, love and lasting relationships with men.

One of the reasons I created this program was because I wanted to give you insights and be honest about the things a man doesn't say… but does think and feel about dating one woman exclusively and not another.

We're going to spend some critical time together learning how you can go from one step to the next whether you've just met a great guy, or you're dating someone and it's hanging around in that “casual” phase and you want things to progress, grow closer and build a stronger connection that will last…

You're going to learn at least 20 different ways to naturally amplify the attraction between you and a man… as well as what to talk about, what not to talk about, and what it means if a man is talking about certain key topics on dates and in deeper conversations inside a relationship…

I’m also going to show you how to get a man turned on far more than just “sexually”… to the point where he just can’t get you out of his mind… plus specific ideas and ways to connect with a man to help you both take your relationship to the next level… and the next… and the next.
Thanks .
I will talk to you soon.


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