Many women, without even knowing it, are driving the men who love them right out of their lives. For the most part, women aren't getting information about men straight from the source. They're asking other women, listening to so-called relationship experts, and believing statistics. While those sources may be helpful and provide some information, nothing is as accurate as asking men what they think and feel. This list of ten things women do that drive men away was compiled from informal interviews with real everyday men. None of these men are "experts" from academia. None of them are sociologists, psychologists, or relationship experts. They're just regular guys: a computer technician, a personal fitness trainer, a mail courier, a college student, an entrepreneur, a corporate executive, a sanitation worker, a police officer, a mechanic, and an attorney.
When I got the guys together, the first question I asked was "What are some of the things women do that drive men away?" I asked them to be blunt and candid in their responses, but I made it clear that I wasn't looking for a list of mean-spirited complaints. Instead, I wanted to compile a list of ten things that men wished women knew. A list that would bridge the gap between men and women. I told them the purpose of this list was to improve communication, avoid misunderstanding, and expose any "taboo" issues that need to be brought into the open. In that spirit, we began our discussion. As I sat and talked with the guys, most of their answers kept coming back to the ten areas explained below.
Acting sweet to get a man,then changing
"I don't know why women act so sweet during dating and change completely when they know they've got you."
She used to go to bed in a naughty nightie and didn't care about sweating the curls out of her head. Now she goes to bed with a head full of rollers and a face covered with Noxzema. When they were dating, she batted her eyes, spoke softly, and always looked sexy. But now that she's got him, that all changed. The gently batting eyes and shy smiles have been replaced with frowns, pursed lips, and shrill tones. No more sexy clothes. Now she dresses like she doesn't care what she looks like, every day is a bad hair day, and she's fast losing the curves in her body and developing a pleasantly plump figure.
Of course, men can't expect women to be superwomen who are able to work, cook, clean, and make love with flawless precision. But a woman shouldn't start out playing the superwoman role at the beginning and then change. It's better to present herself as she is and get it all out in the open. When a woman changes her entire act after the relationship gets going, men feel as though they've been duped. Suddenly, he doesn't know what to believe anymore and feels he can't really trust the woman he thought he knew.
Not giving enough space
"She clings to me because she thinks that every minute I'm not with her I'm fooling around." The "S" word must be used carefully. Some men intentionally abuse the term "I need my space" to ensure that they can have their cake and eat it too--fool around while not giving up what they already have. But not all men are that way. Most men simply just want some room to be by themselves. Men, just like women, need to feel that they aren't trapped or being held hostage in their lives. From time to time, men want to get away and be alone or hang out with their friends.
But it's a strain on the relationship when women think that a man is being selfish, silly, or making up an excuse to go out and cheat just because he wants some space. The smart woman knows that a man needs his space and doesn't hold it against him. She's confident enough to know that each person needs his/her own space to maintain a healthy relationship. On the other hand, jealous and possessive women are well known for their deliberate attempts to prevent a man from having any sort of privacy. Those are the women who think letting a man out of their sight is a mistake. They keep choke holds on their men and eventually drive them away. But if a woman can't give the man a little space, either the relationship isn't solid or she has some personal problems she needs to deal with. If it's because she can't trust him out of her sight, she doesn't need that man anyway.
Wanting too many things
"I'm just a working man. I can't afford a two-story house in the suburbs, a Lexus, a Range Rover, a bunch of credit cards, and kids too." Some black men say black women are unrealistic in their expectations and want too much. Of course, wanting a good hardworking man who respects women isn't asking too much. But what about when it goes far beyond that? For some women, having a good man just isn't enough. They also want a Lexus, a two-story home in the suburbs, and a string of credit cards. When they don't have these things, they moan and complain as though life is terrible. If the man dares to say something about how he's happy with things as they are, he'll be accused of being complacent, lazy, and lacking ambition. It's fine to have goals and want some luxuries. But counting the blessings you already have never hurts either.
Not saying what she means
"Women expect you to read their minds like a psychic."
Men aren't very good mind readers. In fact, we often have difficulty just figuring out what women mean with the words they speak. I think women are far more sophisticated communicators than men; they seem to be more adept at the subtleties of gestures, facial expressions, and body language. Therefore, men and women almost always suffer from communication breakdowns in relationships.
Unfortunately, some women do not express themselves honestly and openly. It seems that they are more apt to use voice inflections and body language to communicate what they mean, even when the actual words they are saying convey the opposite. Take this situation, for example: "No, I don't mind if you go out with your friends instead of taking me to a movie tonight," a woman says, tapping her foot and looking away with her arms folded. Although her mouth is saying quite literally, "No, I don't mind," her body is saying she does mind. Women expect the men in their lives to read their nonverbal cues.
Some men fail to read the nonverbal cues of the women in their lives. When this happens, an argument is almost always the result, because the woman feels that she communicated her feelings to the man and he ignored her. For example, I'll use the scenario from the previous paragraph. When that man comes home from his night out with the guys, his wife is going to be angry at him. She'll probably snap at him when she talks, slam doors, or even yell at him.
"What's the problem?" he'll ask.
"You know what the problem is!"
But he really may not know what the problem is, because she never came out and said what she meant in words. She expected him to read the nonverbal cues and he totally missed them. As a result, the woman believes that the man is just being callous and self-centered. Likewise, the man is upset too; he thinks she's nagging him for no reason. Both of them will go to bed angry.
The 3 B's of sex
"I'm going to be straight about it: sex is important to me."
Perhaps it would be nice if sex didn't play such a major role in relationships. But for most people, sex is a big part of a relationship. And for men, it's probably more important than it should be. The sexual aggravations of men boil down to the three B's: bad, boring, and the boudoir battle.
1.Bad sex
Sex is a learned skill. It's similar to driving a car. Basically, anyone can do it. Some are good at it. And others are experts. But everyone has an idea of what they consider good and bad sex. Common complaints among men are: lack of enthusiasm, lack of rhythm, no creativity, and poor technique. If a person in a relationship is dissatisfied or experiencing sexual dysfunction, it's something that should be openly and honestly discussed. The reasons for sexual dysfunction can be psychological, physiological, ethical, and religious, or a host of other things. If the problems seem insurmountable, the advice of a pastor or therapist may be necessary.
2.Boring sex
Boring sex isn't necessarily the same thing as bad sex. But it is far from good. Boring sex is always doing it in the same place, at the same time, and in the same old position. It's when the sex gets to the point that it feels like more of a duty than a desire. Boring sex is when you're going through all the motions but there's no spice or passion involved.
3.Boudoir battle
Using sex as a weapon doesn't do anything but make a man angry. It can be subtle things such as not being open to touching and cuddling. Or it can be more strategic. It can be the refusal to do certain things in bed. The most brutal form of bedroom battle is outright refusal.
Of course, a man can't expect a woman who is angry at him to make mad, passionate love to him. That's where communication comes into play. It's far better to talk and resolve the differences than to play games of will because any real man will be very insulted by such behavior. Then he may become vengeful and the whole thing turns into a cold war of revenge. Boudoir battle can lead to deep resentment and some men will use it as an excuse to cheat on their wives or girlfriends.
Constantly talking about other men
"She's always talking about this guy at her job and it really pisses me off."
Men don't like to hear women constantly talking about other men. It's not necessarily an ego thing. It's just that each man wants to feel special and important to the woman in his life. Women don't have to cradle us like babies. Nor do they need to be patronizing. But a woman would be wise to realize that the ego of a man can be fragile. Black men in particular are constantly attempting to gain and maintain the basic elements of American manhood: the ability to provide, protect, and be masters of our own destinies. Not talking excessively to your husband or boyfriend about how great you think other men are is one small thing that can go a long way toward healing the beleaguered black male ego.
Being a drama queen
"She calls my pager all day when I'm at work. Then when I call her back, she just starts whining about some little thing that could've waited until later."
Drama queens are always whining, pestering, or nagging about something. With them, nothing can ever be right. They pull all kinds of little tricks to get and control a man's attention. If he's watching television, she wants him to get up and put out the trash. When he has time off from work, she tries to plan each hour for him. If it's bill-paying time, she's crying about her car note being late.
Another technique used by the drama queen is to play damsel in distress to get a man's attention. In this role the drama queen says "save me." Initially, it may make a man feel good to be the chivalrous knight in shining armor coming to the rescue. But too much distress can drive even the most loyal knight to ride off into the sunset.
Being hard and cold
"I work the graveyard shift so I don't have to be at home with my wife."
That response was from a man who had been married less than one year and was already engaged in a cold war with his wife. Most of the time she was openly disrespectful to him as a human being, not just as a man. Other times she was cold and aloof, barely acknowledging that he was in the room. Believe it or not, men have feelings too. Hard and cold behavior is enough to drive anyone away. Again, we aren't asking to be cradled like babies. But every man wants home to be a safe refuge from the cold-hearted world. However, when the world at home is colder than the work world, there is no solace.
Cheating
"They call us dogs, but women are out there fooling around just as much."
Some women will maintain that when a woman is cheating it's always the fault of a man. That simply isn't true. Women are human beings and are therefore just as subject to dishonesty and deceit as any man.
Cheating takes two forms. First, there's the obvious form, which is having affairs. But the second way of cheating is mental. It's the subtle art of getting over on him. She may not be fooling around with another man but she may be cheating by fooling around with the checkbook balance. Her body may be faithful, but she may be cheating by playing manipulative games to keep him within her control. Such games rob a man of his energy and creativity and prevent him from realizing his full potential. The truth is that cheating doesn't have to be just about affairs or lovers. Cheating is deception of any kind.
Engaging in power struggle
"I can't stand it when a woman always wants to prove to me that she's smart, tough, and independent."
It really irritates men when women they're involved with are constantly trying to upstage them. This is especially bothersome for those men who aren't trying to compete with their mates. This behavior takes many forms. Some women who engage in power struggles with their mates do it through career competition: who can make the most money or get the most prestige? For some the competition is based upon education level: who has the most advanced degree from the most prestigious school? Another form of engaging in a power struggle is competing in disagreements: who gets the last word in? In addition to those power struggles, the men I spoke with mentioned four other ways some women engage in a power struggle: (1) Making sure they look smarter than a man by intentionally upstaging him in public. (2) Disagreeing for the sake of disagreement. (3) Unnecessary rudeness. (4) Being condescending or cutting down what a man says when he states his personal thoughts and opinions.
The guys I spent the evening talking with agreed that they weren't intimidated by women who made more money, drove more expensive cars, or had more education than they did. Their issue was with women who want to flaunt those things in order to be the superior person in a relationship. They all agreed that such behavior was a complete turnoff. No matter what form the power struggle comes in, it's an energy drain for a man who isn't interested in competing with his mate. Engaging in a power struggle is a quick way to drive a man away.
I know this list is going to make the tempers of some women flare. But remember, this isn't a list of complaints. It's information intended to give women insight into what men are thinking; it's a bridge across the communication gap. Without straight and candid communication, we can't solve the issues that threaten to end so many relationships. Use these ten issues as a starting point for a dialogue with your husband, the man in your life, or a male friend. Such a discussion will give you even better insight than reading this list. And that’s the one-on-one communication needed not only to save relationships but to make them better.
I will talk to ya again soon. Keep on Dating!
There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Break-Up Fixes And Remedies
When love is lost, sometimes the most comforting thing to do is read breakup quotes. To have expressed so well the feelings you are having can help you to come to grips with your own emotions. Other times, it's just really nice to know that you aren't the only person who has felt heartbreak after a relationship ends. This can also be encouraging as well, as you read the thoughts of people who have broken up, survived it, and have moved on. Understanding the nature of love and breakups won't take the pain away, especially if you were rudely dumped, but they can help you to realize that your feelings have been shared by others.
Recognize what wasn't working for you
So let me ask you. Are you spending a lot of time thinking about all the ways you screwed up in your relationship with your boyfriend, but all the ways he was great?
Do you keep rehashing an argument, wondering if things would have been better if you said or did something different from the beginning with him, feeling guilty or bad that things moved “too fast” between you (and it scared him away)? Do you daydream about all the ways he was special, and how you’ll never find anyone who understands you quite the same way he did?
Romanticizing or re-hashing the past is a pretty common thing many women do when they break up with a man. Big mistake. Don’t do this to yourself. This is 100% sure to only make you feel more awful, not to mention that it keeps you from focusing on what’s most important to you right now.
And that is learning how to get what you want and how to have the kind of relationship you deserve in the future. When you focus on your ex too much, and you spend your time “pining away” for a relationship, you miss out on a very important lesson.
You stop seeing all the ways that the relationship made life a roller cotter for you.You don’t realize all the ways he wasn’t right for you or made you feel less than your true self. You don’t learn what it is your really want and need from a relationship in order to be fulfilled. Let’s face it, you were led down some very negative emotional paths by this guy, weren’t you?
So, instead of thinking only of the “good times” and how much you miss him, consider all the things he did and said that made you feel insecure, anxious or frustrated feelings that one way or another probably contributed to the end of the relationship.
What can you learn about yourself, love and men from the things that drove you two apart, so that you’re sure to have a more intimate, loving and evolved relationship next time around.
Don’t repeat those same mistakes in your next relationship.If you’re starting to realize now that even if you love a man, you don’t really understand what it is that makes a relationship actually work and last with one…
Or you don’t understand what you’re doing in the relationship that’s causing him to withdraw or lose interest in you, you’ll just keep bringing those same issues into future relationships.
Then I want to show you: What defines a “good”, mature guy to begin with, so you don’t keep picking men who just aren’t ready for a real relationship in the first place .What makes a man feel inspired to be completely devoted to you from day 1, both emotionally and sexually .What a man needs in order to feel that he’s in love with you and that a relationship is “working” in his mind .
Go here to know what a truly honest and mature looks and sounds like, what inspires him to see you as the only woman for him. and how to make it effortless to want to be with you.
Stop losing yourself in relationships
You probably gave up a lot to be with your guy. You gave up time with your friends and family. You gave up doing things you used to love doing things like reading, exercising, going on hikes, visiting art shows,whatever.
You gave it up in order to spend time with him. You gave it up to make him feel comfortable. You gave things up because the relationship seemed important, and you wanted it to work. Sure, I get it. Many women feel like they need to give things up to keep a man happy and attracted.
But if you’re using that excuse to: Stay emotionally attached to him, because you feel that you can’t “get over him” easily since you gave up so much .Feel too depressed to go out with your friends or get back to the things that used to make you feel alive and happy.Refuse to “get back out there” and date someone new. Then guess what you’re doing?
Yep, that’s right. You’re still giving up more of you and your happiness for his sake. Even though he’s out of your life. Have weeks, months or years have gone by, and you’re still in the same “sacrificing” place, putting your life on hold instead of realizing your own needs?
Snap out of it! You are actually continuing the very thing that helped break your relationship apart, and made you feel unhappy and unfulfilled. Stop the cycle of only finding that your relationships are about you and your partner turning on each other and breaking each other down.
It’s time you learned how to receives and to get the true love and devotion you deserve from a man. And yes, by you changing the way you go about your relationship you can make this change happen in the man you’re with, or in the kind of man you attract.
Don’t wait for the right relationship to “happen to you”, when you have the power to make it happen for yourself and feel 100% confident about where your love and relationship is headed. Let what you do from here forward in relationships start giving back and feeding you inside and out. forever.
Be ready for love when it finds you
When you end a relationship that felt like it had a lot of “promise” and connection, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever find love again, at least in quite the same way. You might even vow not to date again for a long time, because you just don’t want to get hurt again. It can feel pretty safe to live inside the little “bubble” you make for yourself, just working on your career, spending time with friends, doing things that make you happy.
What do you need a man for anyway? Think.About it
You put yourself and your love life in a “holding pattern” because you don’t want to let another man in or get close. You don’t want to be vulnerable. What’s the point, if all that’s going to happen is that you’ll end up feeling more of the same, bad feelings you’re trying to get over now – right?
Actually, no. I don’t agree. Because if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that you don’t want to shut yourself off from what can be the opportunity for an amazing, life-long experience. That one great guy you’re meant to be with could be out there right now. Unless you create the “space” for him in your life, you won’t be ready for love when it finds you.
Ok, you may feel pretty in-control and safe right now, but are you living? If you’re not taking a risk, are you risking never feeling the love and connection that could transform your life someday?
Nod your head right now if you feel even a grimmer of truth in what I’m saying. And here’s another common thing I hear from women who aren’t ready to date again. “There’s no good men out there for me anyway. The ones I’m attracted to aren’t attracted to me. Or they’re taken.” I can see how you may feel that way if you’re not sure how you’re going to attract the right guy, or the type of guy you’re into.
Plus, your recent experience with men has been, well, less than great. Like when a guy comes on strong at first, then suddenly tells you he’s “not ready” for anything serious, or isn’t “into” monogamy or commitment.No wonder you’d rather stick a twig in your eye than date again anytime soon.
Yeah, I get it. Alright, but what if I told you that you that I can help you learn exactly how to identify and attract the right guy, and give you an “edge” that you’ve never had before in dating?
Would it change the way you think and feel about men if you knew exactly how to get a man close and connected to you and keep him wanting you and only you, without games, manipulation or “tricks” of any kind whatsoever?
You can experience the kind of love you’ve always wanted in your life, regardless of what kinds of bad experiences you’ve had before. You’ll attract quality men because they will “sense” that you are the type of woman they’re looking to have something special with.
You’ll learn exactly what kinds of words and behavior magnetically draw a man to you, and what repels a man from ever wanting anything past the “physical” with you, so you can avoid making those mistakes and losing a guy after getting intimate with him.
Here’s the truth about attraction: It’s not about being a great beauty, or about seducing a man into having feelings for you. Actually, it’s about something deeper and morelong-lasting. And the best part is, that once a man feels this level of attraction for you, almost nothing can keep him away from wanting to be with you. I hope you take these steps and find the love you really deserve.And let me know how it worked for you.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Recognize what wasn't working for you
So let me ask you. Are you spending a lot of time thinking about all the ways you screwed up in your relationship with your boyfriend, but all the ways he was great?
Do you keep rehashing an argument, wondering if things would have been better if you said or did something different from the beginning with him, feeling guilty or bad that things moved “too fast” between you (and it scared him away)? Do you daydream about all the ways he was special, and how you’ll never find anyone who understands you quite the same way he did?
Romanticizing or re-hashing the past is a pretty common thing many women do when they break up with a man. Big mistake. Don’t do this to yourself. This is 100% sure to only make you feel more awful, not to mention that it keeps you from focusing on what’s most important to you right now.
And that is learning how to get what you want and how to have the kind of relationship you deserve in the future. When you focus on your ex too much, and you spend your time “pining away” for a relationship, you miss out on a very important lesson.
You stop seeing all the ways that the relationship made life a roller cotter for you.You don’t realize all the ways he wasn’t right for you or made you feel less than your true self. You don’t learn what it is your really want and need from a relationship in order to be fulfilled. Let’s face it, you were led down some very negative emotional paths by this guy, weren’t you?
So, instead of thinking only of the “good times” and how much you miss him, consider all the things he did and said that made you feel insecure, anxious or frustrated feelings that one way or another probably contributed to the end of the relationship.
What can you learn about yourself, love and men from the things that drove you two apart, so that you’re sure to have a more intimate, loving and evolved relationship next time around.
Don’t repeat those same mistakes in your next relationship.If you’re starting to realize now that even if you love a man, you don’t really understand what it is that makes a relationship actually work and last with one…
Or you don’t understand what you’re doing in the relationship that’s causing him to withdraw or lose interest in you, you’ll just keep bringing those same issues into future relationships.
Then I want to show you: What defines a “good”, mature guy to begin with, so you don’t keep picking men who just aren’t ready for a real relationship in the first place .What makes a man feel inspired to be completely devoted to you from day 1, both emotionally and sexually .What a man needs in order to feel that he’s in love with you and that a relationship is “working” in his mind .
Go here to know what a truly honest and mature looks and sounds like, what inspires him to see you as the only woman for him. and how to make it effortless to want to be with you.
Stop losing yourself in relationships
You probably gave up a lot to be with your guy. You gave up time with your friends and family. You gave up doing things you used to love doing things like reading, exercising, going on hikes, visiting art shows,whatever.
You gave it up in order to spend time with him. You gave it up to make him feel comfortable. You gave things up because the relationship seemed important, and you wanted it to work. Sure, I get it. Many women feel like they need to give things up to keep a man happy and attracted.
But if you’re using that excuse to: Stay emotionally attached to him, because you feel that you can’t “get over him” easily since you gave up so much .Feel too depressed to go out with your friends or get back to the things that used to make you feel alive and happy.Refuse to “get back out there” and date someone new. Then guess what you’re doing?
Yep, that’s right. You’re still giving up more of you and your happiness for his sake. Even though he’s out of your life. Have weeks, months or years have gone by, and you’re still in the same “sacrificing” place, putting your life on hold instead of realizing your own needs?
Snap out of it! You are actually continuing the very thing that helped break your relationship apart, and made you feel unhappy and unfulfilled. Stop the cycle of only finding that your relationships are about you and your partner turning on each other and breaking each other down.
It’s time you learned how to receives and to get the true love and devotion you deserve from a man. And yes, by you changing the way you go about your relationship you can make this change happen in the man you’re with, or in the kind of man you attract.
Don’t wait for the right relationship to “happen to you”, when you have the power to make it happen for yourself and feel 100% confident about where your love and relationship is headed. Let what you do from here forward in relationships start giving back and feeding you inside and out. forever.
Be ready for love when it finds you
When you end a relationship that felt like it had a lot of “promise” and connection, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever find love again, at least in quite the same way. You might even vow not to date again for a long time, because you just don’t want to get hurt again. It can feel pretty safe to live inside the little “bubble” you make for yourself, just working on your career, spending time with friends, doing things that make you happy.
What do you need a man for anyway? Think.About it
You put yourself and your love life in a “holding pattern” because you don’t want to let another man in or get close. You don’t want to be vulnerable. What’s the point, if all that’s going to happen is that you’ll end up feeling more of the same, bad feelings you’re trying to get over now – right?
Actually, no. I don’t agree. Because if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that you don’t want to shut yourself off from what can be the opportunity for an amazing, life-long experience. That one great guy you’re meant to be with could be out there right now. Unless you create the “space” for him in your life, you won’t be ready for love when it finds you.
Ok, you may feel pretty in-control and safe right now, but are you living? If you’re not taking a risk, are you risking never feeling the love and connection that could transform your life someday?
Nod your head right now if you feel even a grimmer of truth in what I’m saying. And here’s another common thing I hear from women who aren’t ready to date again. “There’s no good men out there for me anyway. The ones I’m attracted to aren’t attracted to me. Or they’re taken.” I can see how you may feel that way if you’re not sure how you’re going to attract the right guy, or the type of guy you’re into.
Plus, your recent experience with men has been, well, less than great. Like when a guy comes on strong at first, then suddenly tells you he’s “not ready” for anything serious, or isn’t “into” monogamy or commitment.No wonder you’d rather stick a twig in your eye than date again anytime soon.
Yeah, I get it. Alright, but what if I told you that you that I can help you learn exactly how to identify and attract the right guy, and give you an “edge” that you’ve never had before in dating?
Would it change the way you think and feel about men if you knew exactly how to get a man close and connected to you and keep him wanting you and only you, without games, manipulation or “tricks” of any kind whatsoever?
You can experience the kind of love you’ve always wanted in your life, regardless of what kinds of bad experiences you’ve had before. You’ll attract quality men because they will “sense” that you are the type of woman they’re looking to have something special with.
You’ll learn exactly what kinds of words and behavior magnetically draw a man to you, and what repels a man from ever wanting anything past the “physical” with you, so you can avoid making those mistakes and losing a guy after getting intimate with him.
Here’s the truth about attraction: It’s not about being a great beauty, or about seducing a man into having feelings for you. Actually, it’s about something deeper and morelong-lasting. And the best part is, that once a man feels this level of attraction for you, almost nothing can keep him away from wanting to be with you. I hope you take these steps and find the love you really deserve.And let me know how it worked for you.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Are you having a hard time getting past a recent break-up?
Are you having a hard time getting past a recent break-up? Are you confused by a guy who says one thing, but does another? If so, it's likely that you're constantly asking yourself, "What is he thinking?!" This can be a huge trap for you as a woman. If you're thrown off and upset by the mixed signals your boyfriend is sending you about how attracted or committed he is to you, then ask yourself one question: What will it take to close this gap in understanding between you and your man? I will show you what men are really thinking and going through when they've done that predictably frustrating thing of saying that they love you but they're not acting like it anymore.
It's time you end your confusion by getting the real tools and answers you need to create the kind of relationship you want with a man. Men seem to act like they could take it or leave it in relationships. But if you know what a man is really looking for and what drives him wild, it's likely that you could experience that ongoing and intense attraction and devotion from your man that only a few women seem to have.
Maybe you were dating for a while and you thought things were pretty amazing, but he wasn't so sure. Or maybe you were the one who decided it was better to end things. But now you find yourself wondering if that was really the right move, because you're having trouble moving on.
Are you're still trying to figure out how to get him back, or show him that you're really "the one" for him?
You text him, or call him, and maybe agreed to "still be friends" and hang out once in a while. But nothing seems to make you feel better. In fact, the more you talk to him or see him, the worse you feel. Still, you can't imagine not talking to him at all because you still have some very intense feelings that just aren't going away anytime soon.
In any case, you're feeling pretty "stuck" right now, and you don't know what to do about it.If that's true, then stick around and keep reading, because in this email I'm going to give you three powerful remedies for getting past a break-up and getting your love life back on track.
These remedies will fast-track you through feeling better and getting past all the confusion of your break-up. Take a few minutes to read and really think about each step, and then commit to follow through on each one.You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel.
Check on this post:Quick Break-Up Fixes & Remedies....
I will talk to ya again soon. Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
It's time you end your confusion by getting the real tools and answers you need to create the kind of relationship you want with a man. Men seem to act like they could take it or leave it in relationships. But if you know what a man is really looking for and what drives him wild, it's likely that you could experience that ongoing and intense attraction and devotion from your man that only a few women seem to have.
Maybe you were dating for a while and you thought things were pretty amazing, but he wasn't so sure. Or maybe you were the one who decided it was better to end things. But now you find yourself wondering if that was really the right move, because you're having trouble moving on.
Are you're still trying to figure out how to get him back, or show him that you're really "the one" for him?
You text him, or call him, and maybe agreed to "still be friends" and hang out once in a while. But nothing seems to make you feel better. In fact, the more you talk to him or see him, the worse you feel. Still, you can't imagine not talking to him at all because you still have some very intense feelings that just aren't going away anytime soon.
In any case, you're feeling pretty "stuck" right now, and you don't know what to do about it.If that's true, then stick around and keep reading, because in this email I'm going to give you three powerful remedies for getting past a break-up and getting your love life back on track.
These remedies will fast-track you through feeling better and getting past all the confusion of your break-up. Take a few minutes to read and really think about each step, and then commit to follow through on each one.You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel.
Check on this post:Quick Break-Up Fixes & Remedies....
I will talk to ya again soon. Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
The one I love may have fallen out off love with me
This is an e-mail from a reader."I have been dating him for 7 months, we met through church friends, and he told me from the start god has changed his life, (and himself) that the old him was a horrid person. Before dating him I did not think soul mates existed but after falling for him I really do believe he is the one. And 1 month into the relationship he got called to work 4 hours away from this city, But despite it all he still drove 3 hours every weekend back here just to see me. Through it all he got really depressed and anxious working away from family, Then when he left this job early to come back to our city, he told me his old self was coming back brought on by the depression and anxiety."
"He has only just come back from this place 4 hours away. And things slowly started going downhill. I was starting to get depressed and he was starting to treat me less and less like he loves me. It was hurting, but I figured "hey he might just need some time to think" because he was just stressed before with me being depressed. But then over the phone I also brought up something else. That he is acting like he dose not love me. And then he told me that he has grown apart from me so there for he dose not know if he loves me anymore."
"He then mentioned how he told me his old self is coming back and that he has in the past just over night fallen out off love with previous girl friends. I Don't know what is wrong with him. Has he got a fear off commitment? is it the anxiety, and depression playing up on him? Because As I said to him over the phone you can leave now like all the others but how will you ever solve this problem? His relationships never last over a month especially in my case, our relationship lasted 6 mouths. He told me over the phone a few hours ago. That he feels cold and distant. numb tactfully."
"I really wanna know whats wrong with him. And if there is a way for us to fix this problem. I mean how does someone just fall out off love with someone after telling them they changed your life in a positive way, and that they mean the world to you."
Do you have some meaningful advice for this reader, please let me know by leaving your valuable comments here.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
"He has only just come back from this place 4 hours away. And things slowly started going downhill. I was starting to get depressed and he was starting to treat me less and less like he loves me. It was hurting, but I figured "hey he might just need some time to think" because he was just stressed before with me being depressed. But then over the phone I also brought up something else. That he is acting like he dose not love me. And then he told me that he has grown apart from me so there for he dose not know if he loves me anymore."
"He then mentioned how he told me his old self is coming back and that he has in the past just over night fallen out off love with previous girl friends. I Don't know what is wrong with him. Has he got a fear off commitment? is it the anxiety, and depression playing up on him? Because As I said to him over the phone you can leave now like all the others but how will you ever solve this problem? His relationships never last over a month especially in my case, our relationship lasted 6 mouths. He told me over the phone a few hours ago. That he feels cold and distant. numb tactfully."
"I really wanna know whats wrong with him. And if there is a way for us to fix this problem. I mean how does someone just fall out off love with someone after telling them they changed your life in a positive way, and that they mean the world to you."
Do you have some meaningful advice for this reader, please let me know by leaving your valuable comments here.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Single Again After A Break-Up What Now?
What does it mean exactly when a guy says he wants his freedom? You'll be dating a guy for a few weeks or months and even though things seemed to have been going great, he suddenly drops one of these lines on you:
"I need some space." "I don't want to give up my freedom." "I don't want to be tied down right now."
So what is he talking about? It's not as if you're keeping him from living his
life or getting in his way.
The truth is, some women will make a man feel like he has freedom to pursue his dreams because of their own sense of freedom and independence, and some women will "drag" a guy down because of their neediness and insecurity.
Men will also prefer to "date" instead of settling into a more serious and committed relationship because:
1. Dating is a no-brainer for him.
2. Dating is where the attraction and fun is, in his mind.
3. He's just not feeling that you're "The One"
To learn the whole story about why men are afraid to "settle down" with one woman and what you can do and say to turn his thinking around so that he will be begging you for a commitment.
Are you ready for some quick "hands-on" tips about what really works with men, and what doesn't? Check it in my next MUST READ post....
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
"I need some space." "I don't want to give up my freedom." "I don't want to be tied down right now."
So what is he talking about? It's not as if you're keeping him from living his
life or getting in his way.
The truth is, some women will make a man feel like he has freedom to pursue his dreams because of their own sense of freedom and independence, and some women will "drag" a guy down because of their neediness and insecurity.
Men will also prefer to "date" instead of settling into a more serious and committed relationship because:
1. Dating is a no-brainer for him.
2. Dating is where the attraction and fun is, in his mind.
3. He's just not feeling that you're "The One"
To learn the whole story about why men are afraid to "settle down" with one woman and what you can do and say to turn his thinking around so that he will be begging you for a commitment.
Are you ready for some quick "hands-on" tips about what really works with men, and what doesn't? Check it in my next MUST READ post....
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
A Break In A Relationship Sometimes Saves It
Are you confused by a guy who says one thing, but does another? So you feel as if nothing is working out in your life or maybe some things are working out for you but your current relationship has executed a wrong turn and has failed to find the right road again. If you are frustrated in your relationship or with your partner you might want to consider taking a break.
Taking a break does not mean that you no longer love each other. A break does not mean that you will not resolve your issues within the relationship. A break is a common practice among people who are dating, live together or our married.
Taking a break can lead to a sense of relationship renewal and better communication between you and your partner. If you are unsatisfied with your relationship there are a few things to consider before you decide to take a break.
First of all you should sit down and ask yourself why you are unhappy in the relationship. Make a list of the characteristics you love about your partner. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Was it because of common interests or because they were what you needed at the time?
All of us fall in love for different reasons. Next write down your partners characteristics that have been bothering you. See if there are any dangerous warning signs such as excessive alcohol use or a violent temper.
After you have made your list carefully consider your goals in life, your life plan and figure out how your current relationship fits into this plan. Also, take into consideration that your relationship stress may have nothing do to with the relationship itself.
You could be experiencing the pressure of financial stress or maybe you just faced a traumatic event or you feel overwhelmed in your life right now. Many times relationships suffer when external sources are negatively impacting us.
Figure out what is going on in your life and separate the external stress factors. After you have carefully thought all of this through it is time to sit down and talk with your partner.
It is only fair that you are honest with your partner about your feelings. Nothing can be resolved without clear communication. Both of you should engage in a serious discussion about your relationship and where it is going. Your partner may be just as unhappy as you are.
After all is said and done the two of you may decide to take a break. A relationship break is a healthy option that many couples benefit from. Sometimes it is necessary for people to take a break in order to figure out what they want or to view the relationship in a different light.
During a break make sure to talk with your partner, check and see how things are going and discuss what you want for the future. Many couples that get back together after a break find their relationship to be stronger.
Some of us forget why we fell in love or our life has become burdensome and we just need to take a break from everything. A relationship break is not the end of the world.
Sometimes a break is just the beginning as it leads to a more promising and fulfilling relationship in the future. A relationship break can cause us to realize that our partner is truly the love of our life.
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Taking a break does not mean that you no longer love each other. A break does not mean that you will not resolve your issues within the relationship. A break is a common practice among people who are dating, live together or our married.
Taking a break can lead to a sense of relationship renewal and better communication between you and your partner. If you are unsatisfied with your relationship there are a few things to consider before you decide to take a break.
First of all you should sit down and ask yourself why you are unhappy in the relationship. Make a list of the characteristics you love about your partner. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Was it because of common interests or because they were what you needed at the time?
All of us fall in love for different reasons. Next write down your partners characteristics that have been bothering you. See if there are any dangerous warning signs such as excessive alcohol use or a violent temper.
After you have made your list carefully consider your goals in life, your life plan and figure out how your current relationship fits into this plan. Also, take into consideration that your relationship stress may have nothing do to with the relationship itself.
You could be experiencing the pressure of financial stress or maybe you just faced a traumatic event or you feel overwhelmed in your life right now. Many times relationships suffer when external sources are negatively impacting us.
Figure out what is going on in your life and separate the external stress factors. After you have carefully thought all of this through it is time to sit down and talk with your partner.
It is only fair that you are honest with your partner about your feelings. Nothing can be resolved without clear communication. Both of you should engage in a serious discussion about your relationship and where it is going. Your partner may be just as unhappy as you are.
After all is said and done the two of you may decide to take a break. A relationship break is a healthy option that many couples benefit from. Sometimes it is necessary for people to take a break in order to figure out what they want or to view the relationship in a different light.
During a break make sure to talk with your partner, check and see how things are going and discuss what you want for the future. Many couples that get back together after a break find their relationship to be stronger.
Some of us forget why we fell in love or our life has become burdensome and we just need to take a break from everything. A relationship break is not the end of the world.
Sometimes a break is just the beginning as it leads to a more promising and fulfilling relationship in the future. A relationship break can cause us to realize that our partner is truly the love of our life.
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life.
Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Why on Earth would Woman opt to stay in a disrespectful, fearful relationship?
Yes, I'm sure you do love him - at least the 'good side' of him. But what else is there to your love? Does he not make you feel embarrassed by his control and power over you by his direct disrespect for you? Even if it was 'love' you felt for him and not the flattery of 'his needing you' the funny thing that you don't realize is that you can love someone and not be with them. It is sooooo possible.
Of course leaving is a very difficult thing to do. The only time we really consider it is in the very throes of the abuse the moment when we would leave barefoot and naked in the middle of a blizzard if need be. But then things calm down for a moment in time. The promises and remorse starts.
The logic starts running through your head. Then the excuses - the fear, "Why leave? He'll just hunt me down and kill me." Doubtful. He may threaten, because threats have proven to be so successful in controlling you in the past. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call the police.
You can relocate, you can get protection, you can 'call him' on his suicide threat. Take my word for it, he won't start systematically 'knocking off members of your family' until you return to him. Gee! "I can't leave him. I'm the only one that understands him. I feel so sorry for him. He really doesn't want to be this way." You feel sorry for him? You mean like you feel sorry for those little, innocent children dying in the hospital? Like you feel for the parents who are watching them die? THAT'S something to feel sorry about.
Not an adult man who opts to revisit his pain over and over again, heaping it all on you, instead of being brave enough to face it head-on and take direct responsibility for it.
Not someone who can charmingly smile and say good-bye to house guests, then turn around and punch you the minute they pull out of the driveway. Part of this man's hook is his 'childlike hurt'. "Life is so good when he isn't abusing, I couldn't ask for a better man." Couldn't you?
Yes, the hardest thing you may ever have to do is to find the courage to leave. You can leave, and you can make it on your own. Your situation isn't any different than many others you may think it is special, but it's not. Just look at mine no car, no driver's license, no money, no help from anyone, four kids, systemic lupus, emphysema, and MS.If someone in your situation can do it then most assuredly, you can, too.
And stop thinking that if you somehow 'change' the abuse will stop. You mean that if you can go through the rest of your 'one-and-only' life without ever burning a meal again, that everything will be honky-dory? You don't really believe that, do you? You don't need to change he does.
You can have the very best man and have the most wonderful marriage without the high cost. Believe me!
Whether emotional, verbal, mental, physical, or a combination of all - abuse wears you down. You go from a happy, care-free woman (remember those days before him) to days of consuming feelings of resentment, anger, depression and growing insecurity. When you look into the mirror you see a shell of a person, with no life left in their eyes.
Go right now and look in the mirror you'll be surprised to see the 'life' is no longer there. You are empty. Hollow. This relationship is not making you a 'whole' person, it is making you a 'worthless of a woman'.Is that what you prefer in your love life?
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life. Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Of course leaving is a very difficult thing to do. The only time we really consider it is in the very throes of the abuse the moment when we would leave barefoot and naked in the middle of a blizzard if need be. But then things calm down for a moment in time. The promises and remorse starts.
The logic starts running through your head. Then the excuses - the fear, "Why leave? He'll just hunt me down and kill me." Doubtful. He may threaten, because threats have proven to be so successful in controlling you in the past. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call the police.
You can relocate, you can get protection, you can 'call him' on his suicide threat. Take my word for it, he won't start systematically 'knocking off members of your family' until you return to him. Gee! "I can't leave him. I'm the only one that understands him. I feel so sorry for him. He really doesn't want to be this way." You feel sorry for him? You mean like you feel sorry for those little, innocent children dying in the hospital? Like you feel for the parents who are watching them die? THAT'S something to feel sorry about.
Not an adult man who opts to revisit his pain over and over again, heaping it all on you, instead of being brave enough to face it head-on and take direct responsibility for it.
Not someone who can charmingly smile and say good-bye to house guests, then turn around and punch you the minute they pull out of the driveway. Part of this man's hook is his 'childlike hurt'. "Life is so good when he isn't abusing, I couldn't ask for a better man." Couldn't you?
Yes, the hardest thing you may ever have to do is to find the courage to leave. You can leave, and you can make it on your own. Your situation isn't any different than many others you may think it is special, but it's not. Just look at mine no car, no driver's license, no money, no help from anyone, four kids, systemic lupus, emphysema, and MS.If someone in your situation can do it then most assuredly, you can, too.
And stop thinking that if you somehow 'change' the abuse will stop. You mean that if you can go through the rest of your 'one-and-only' life without ever burning a meal again, that everything will be honky-dory? You don't really believe that, do you? You don't need to change he does.
You can have the very best man and have the most wonderful marriage without the high cost. Believe me!
Whether emotional, verbal, mental, physical, or a combination of all - abuse wears you down. You go from a happy, care-free woman (remember those days before him) to days of consuming feelings of resentment, anger, depression and growing insecurity. When you look into the mirror you see a shell of a person, with no life left in their eyes.
Go right now and look in the mirror you'll be surprised to see the 'life' is no longer there. You are empty. Hollow. This relationship is not making you a 'whole' person, it is making you a 'worthless of a woman'.Is that what you prefer in your love life?
P.S.
What's your biggest frustration with men, relationships and dating? Do you find it easy to meet men, but hard to keep their attention and interest as soon as things start to get serious? Are you wondering how to approach your boyfriend about commitment, because you've been together a long time now and he isn’t bringing it up on his own? Are you worried that the man you're with will cheat on you? Are wondering how to get past certain "bumps" in the road when it comes to your love life. Find out what to do in each of these situations, and see if your specific relationship or dating is worth you think it should be.Sadly, many women will go their entire lives without ever experiencing true love and connection with a man they care about. I don't want you to be one of them. This blog will show you HOW,WHEN,AND WHERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP exactly how to find the love you’ve been waiting your whole life to find and do it in a way that will make you feel good inside because you'll know that you're giving yourself and the man in your love life.
I will talk to ya again soon.
Keep on Dating!There is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck in love and life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)