Welcome,
If you've had a man coming in and out of your life who's breaking your heart and then trying to make it better and get you back.And you want to understand why this keeps happening and what to do about it, then it's time you understood what it is that makes a man ready to truly commit to you, or not. And so you know.If you're trying to save your relationship,instead of addressing the real reasons your guy keeps backing out and getting scared in the first place, you're going to get nowhere and you'll likely keep having the same problems with him.
But if you want to know the signs of when a good man is ready to commit, and what makes a man suddenly "wake up" and realize the amazing woman he's got right in front of him, to where he won't ever want to be without you again.
I wanted to share a couple of personal questions I got from women who might be in a situation like yours.If you're in a relationship but having trouble taking things to the next level because your man doesn't seem to care where things go next.Or you find yourself losing your cool in your relationship and accidentally pushing your man away.Then do not miss out reading this short tip-filled e-mail.
### E-mail From A Reader ###
Hi,
My name is C.K. and I am looking for you advice that would be best for my situation. I have been following your blog post and they have been very helpful to me in my love life. They have brought me so much understanding and help.I am truly thankful for all your work because I believe it led to getting my ex boyfriend back as well as teaching me invaluable things I needed to know about relationships and men.
Well,although I am back with the man I love and learned great things that helped I still have a few problem area's that I need help with. Me and the man I love met over three years ago and have never been engaged. I am 31 years old and he is 35. We
have never lived together. there is no current plans to get married soon, and that bothers me. I really don't know the best way to go about asking him what his plans are as to if he is going to marry me. he shows me he cares in a lot of ways but I am not sure he wants to be with me forever and really loves me the way I love him. I
am scared if I bring it up it will push him away. I don't want to force him into anything. We are both getting older and been going out along time.Please help me to go about this problem?
On the other hand,my family and friends tell me that if he isn't going to marry me soon I should find a guy who will. I love this man a lot and don't want to
loose him but I also don't want to feel I am not worthy of being his wife, fiancee or a serious commitment from him. He wants to see me and makes that effort to try and do things with and for me.
Another problem is although I feel he loves me and I know I love him but he never tells me he loves me. I feel he shows he loves me but it hurts for him not to tell me he does. I don't tell him I love him because I am scared it might scare him
away. It took a lot to get him back. he did leave me a few times. The advice I got from your blog helped get him back with me. Now I am looking to take the next step to have it go further. Like I said. I am scared to confront him about marriage and where our future is going because I don't know the best way to go about it without being needy or demanding. Please help me!! Sincerely,C.K.
###My Response To Her ####
C.K---Well,this might sound strange with all that I talk about around not being needy and demanding.But yours is a difference case.You need to be more selfish.Here's why.You are "worthy", and for the love you give,you deserve a man who is ready and willing to share the same in return.
You should never be afraid to want what you want in your life.And that's doubly true when it comes to your love life.The fact that you want a close and loving relationship that consists of a longer-term commitment and marriage is great.
You deserve what you want, and you are in no way a "needy" woman for wanting that.
So don't confuse your dreams and desires with being needy or demanding - even if men try and tell you differently.Life is way too short to not follow your heart and be with a man who doesn't fully meet you and share the love you're capable of.
But wanting something, and how you go about it, are two different things.Do not forget this - it's important!Before you try and talk more to the man in your life about marriage, there's something you need to address first.Here goes.You need to feel more comfortable with the fact that it's ok for you to have marriage as a
priority.Why?
Because when you have that funny feeling in your stomach that your man is going to somehow "punish" you or withdraw just because you talk about what your dreams and your vision of love is, it's almost impossible for what you want to come out in a way that's calm, centered, and helps you create what you want with him.
When you're freaked out at the thought of what might go wrong by talking to him about it, and you're imagining all the bad things that might happen, you've already created distance between you and him, and you're sure to get a bad reaction from him. Here's a little secret.The more comfortable and confident you feel about yourself, your life, and asking for what you want, the more comfortable other people (your man) are going to be with hearing from you.
And the more likely you are to start getting what you want.But when you're already wound up in your head and nervous, guilty, upset or anxious about talking to your man about something, the entire context of your conversation becomes something that feels heavy and negative.
And there's no more certain way to have a man shut down emotionally than coming to him and starting a conversation with a flood of your own frustrations and fears. When what you really want is for him to see you, see your love, and begin to imagine with you all the amazing things that are possible in your future.
So what are you showing him? Let me ask you something important.How honest are you being? How honest are you with him, and how honest are you being with yourself? To have your relationship grow, you need to be more honest about what it is that you're feeling,and what it is that you really want.
Otherwise, there's no hope for your relationship to grow - because you aren't putting more of your true self and your heart into it.Of course, this requires you to be vulnerable.Vulnerable to be truly honest.Vulnerable to show him who you really are, and what you really want.
And vulnerable enough to risk hearing "No" if the truth of your relationship is that marriage isn't in the cards with this man.Are you clear enough about what marriage is to you and why you want it that you're ready to tell him that you want marriage, and risk hearing "No" if that's his truth? You have a choice here.
You can keep wanting marriage, and try indirect ways of getting him to want it with you translation - play games. Or you can take a long hard look at your life,your relationship, and what it is you really want and be brave enough talk about it and to go after it even if it hurts a bit more in the short run.Remember, you can't make a man want marriage but you sure can make a man really want you.
And if marriage is something you are clear and comfortable with wanting, and you let your man know that to be with you he has to start to be clear about wanting it with you, then things are going to start going your way. But remember, once you share what you want,don't make the mistake of trying to convince your man to want what you want, or blame or hurt him when he tells you he doesn't want exactly what you say you want.Pleading, convincing or demanding never works with men.
Instead, once you start being clear and honest,you need to lead your relationship to the next level with the things that have the power to take your man there with you.And those things are connection and attraction.A man doesn't just commit to a woman and marriage because it makes sense, or it's the right thing to do and she wants him to.At least not in good, happy, healthy marriages that last!
A man commits to a woman because he feels such a deep and intense level of attraction for her that he can't imagine feeling the same way with any other woman.And he's ready and willing to commit his life and his love to you because he doesn't ever want to lose you and the incredible way you make him feel when he's around you.
For my very best tips and secrets about what makes a man feel that magic emotion called attraction that's deeper than just the casual everyday Physical Attraction a man can feel for any good looking woman.Try to go through my previous post on how you are going to build, the connection and attraction that will have your man begging you to be with him, and only him, forever.
Oh, and attraction isn't the only thing that matters.But it's often the most important thing if a man isn't taking things to the next level with you.Do some soul searching and find a way to get comfortable wanting what you want.Then you need to find a way to share what you want in a loving and honest way with your man more of a statement of what you want and not what you expect or demand from him.
Demands and entitlements don't work with men, and they don't work with love.In the meantime, here's what's equally as important. Don't forget to live a great life with him and build and share all kinds of intense and amazing love and attraction in the meantime.If you do, then I know he won't be able to think of anything else than being with you, and only you.And let me know how it goes.
TO BE CONTINUED....................
I will talk to you again soon. Keep on Dating There is someone out there for everyone.Best of luck in life and love!
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