Well, I’d like to tell you a story...It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed. Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem. As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him... and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture. He just wasn't acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her. After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how she felt, that he would feel the same way.
So she made a bold move. She told him how she felt. She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.
This only confused the woman more. She didn't know how to take it...Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint? Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and really let him know how she felt? She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter... again confessing her feelings. And then, something unthinkable happened. Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”... and hung up... but she never got a call back. Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened. the end...
Ok, I'm back. Now, wasn't that a sweet story? Heartwarming, huh?.I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story. That story is basically a myth. But I'm not talking about fiction here. I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can identify with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for some women?
Because lots of women have been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many have been there often in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really fascinate me.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to understand and solve the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.
It lies in understanding a secret that lots of women don't get.
That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn't attracted to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, backfire.
In other words, they not only don't work; they actually make things worse. In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man like her, make him not like her.
They make him run. All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away. It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better, if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away. Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you? Strange and interesting.
Thanks.
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